Posted by simguy on 1/1/2005

Before: Bitter internecine quarrel made worse by the luster of title gold 'round Jeri's waist - Jenny Mac supremely confident coming in. "My girl Ali's like a walking instructional video on how to batter Jeri," boasts Jenny in prefight. "'Beat Ryan the Ali Landry Way!' I know every Ryan-beating trick and move, every little thing she doesn't like, every weakness. There's no 'Ryan Mystique' in this fight - I see the ugly skank every damn day, and frankly, at Samdog - most of us can't believe she's champion to begin with. I'm wiping it all away - after this fight - Ryan's going to be like the memory of a bad hangover. Say it with me: Jenny McCarthy - FCBA champ! Lightweight Champ Jenny McCarthy! McCarthy Rex..." On and on - Jenny trying out titles. Ryan non-plussed throughout, pursing her lips, but too classy to get into the gutter with Jenny. "I'll be honest with you," Jeri shrugs at the dais. "Jenny's looked damn good in camp. I have no problem saying that. She'd give Cat Bell hell, I'd pick her to wax Theron, I think she'd be even up with Garner, but you know what? I'm laying her out ice-frigging-cold when we hook up. This fight is bigger than Jenny: it's about my legacy. It's going to take a whole lot more than Jenny McCarthy to get me out of there." Mac in black bikini, coming in very fit and light - Jeri in red, clearly the bigger beauty.

During R1: Mac looking for respect early, wades into Jeri with thudding rights and lefts, carrying in close on follow through. Ryan bumping, holding ground, answering back: thick right uppercuts to the body and strapping left hooks. They clang away midring, buffeting each other in a gentle clockwise rotation - taking turns getting off as the other covers up, bends at the waist: classy two way slugging. Ryan separating herself late, scoring straight lefts and rights, extending on her punches - she's got McCarthy on her heels and having second thoughts at the bell.

R2: Jenny Mac adjusts. McCarthy stepping right, no longer going right at Jeri - looking to expose the Ryan footwork. Spicy jab from Jenny, popping it out there in crisp ones and twos, dropping in sharp right hands - she's landing on Jeri's face, stepping to the side or back before Ryan can answer. Jeri following, getting turned around the ring, beaten to punches by McCarthy's brisk-mitt work. Final minute: Mac uptempo, walking Jeri in - she spikes Ryan a firm jab on the mouth, tidy right hand on the cheek, CLANGING hook on the chin and RYAN STEPS BACK! Jeri stunned, shocked at the biting power of McCarthy's combo - JENNY WADES IN! Mac trudging into Jeri's chest with a walking barrage of lefts and rights - short, sideswiping blows as she steps forward, bludgeoning jug-muggage puts Jeri ropeside - champ covers up groggy, folding forward to protect that world class rack. Mac helps herself to long, vulnerable back with right hands at the bell.

R3: Role-reversal - Jeri stung, worked over last round, shows versatility as SHE becomes the boxer, Jenny the stalker. Mac glaring, walking Jeri down - Ryan on her toes, sliding to her right at the perimeter, piecing out long jabs, sudden right hands as she turns that back ankle over pretty. Mac loading up but tossing late - Ryan keeping her distance, efficiently manages the ring to shake off lingering grogginess in the third.

R4: Hotly contested sequences midring - girls standing their ground more often, looking to set down on hard shots. McCarthy right hand at her temple, hooking off the jab, bending into tidy right hands, scoring in combination, then setting up behind a rigid guard. Ryan flicking a backhand jab, leaning in booming rights, easing back with stroking hooks, turning her hips, shifting weight from one foot to the other as she wallops away. Not a lot of clean contact, but Jeri's heavier weight of shot has Mac shying away late - Ryan intimidation factor wins her a round.

R5: Clever Mac back to the perimeter, stepping lively to the right, pop-pop-popping the jab, keeping the right hand high and shooting it at choice intervals to Ryan's available face. Jeri stalking - dabbing her jab instead of snapping it: McCarthy able to drop rights over top it, hook inside it as punches add up on Ryan's chin. Jenny's versatility and boxing skills clearly evident - she's circling, but not running, luring Ryan in and beating her to punches, landing firm, but not overcommitting and getting out of Dodge after scoring.

R6: Jeri still on the hunt, but smarter - stepping over to cut off the ring; stabilizing McCarthy with the sledgehammer chest-jab and; end of minute one, Jeri punctures Jenny's defence to drive home righty to chin. Magic in McCarthy's legs - feet pony-prancing hurt off the canvas as she stagger-stomps around, grimacing, reeling to the ropes for support - Ryan walking her down coldblooded and squaring away. RYAN GOES JUG! Jeri HARVESTING Jenny's rack, just TAKING it, getting all up in there snug and shrugging away brawny lefts and rights. Poor McCarthy sobbing in shock as she's pressed hard to ropes and worked over - she's trying to clinch, but can't wrap up under the fury. Jeri palming the shoulders, stepping sideways to shadow Jen every time she tries to slide along the ropes and always, always getting back on those jugs with relentless vigour. Attack psychological as much as physical - Ryan perhaps foregoing a KO attempt to punish her foe's hulking hooters - she sends Jenny to her corner demoralized, panicky and sniveling after a piping hot sack assault.

R7: Jenny not the same fighter: eyes frightened, legs jittery - she's tentative, no longer looking to time Ryan and trade with her. Jeri chin tucked, right under her chin, stepping into pole-axe jabs herds Jenny in stages to ropes. Ryan systematic, extending the jab to locate cringing Jenny at the ropes, then leaning in with drilling rights - Jeri pounding away at the defences, mopping up hooks in the waist as Jenny draws elbows in and protects her savaged torso. Cost of defence high: Ryan able to freely roam around the waist, work her girl's hips, club the lower back as Jenny lolls forward. Jeri showing the right hand and raking hooks instead - McCarthy soaking up some good shots as a result of being preoccupied with Ryan's KO cross. Thudding body beating almost leisurely for Ryan - she's palming up, keeping her distance, not smothering Jenny, attacking in disciplined waves then regrouping - Jeri every inch the champion in a shutout seventh.

R8: More Ryan, relentless Ryan - hounding McCarthy along the ropes. Jenny's teeth bared, eyes squinting with effort - legs are shot - she's looking hurt, tired as she bends at the waist, slowly rolling, twisting her torso to slip some hurt. Ryan's loading up, really getting sick leverage on sidearm rights to the body, raking hooks head and shoulders - Jenny has to slug back. Final minute a McCarthy gut check: she digs in, snags Jeri's chin some hooks, grazes Jeri's ear the right hand and wards off Ryan's clouting fury to the bell.

R9: Mac shopworn, mouthbreathing - Jeri's consistent pounding really breaking the challenger down. Ryan comparatively fresh, eyes alert, gloves at her chin as she threatens Mac with her feet, only to withdraw, step to the side and reconsider. Jenny turning, flinching - cat and mouse action - concentration evident on both faces. Ryan steps to the right, paws the jab slow, draws Jenny's right and rolls with it: Mac missing, brings the right back low and JERI PILES IN! Gorgeous rock-and-counter - Ryan roaring back with a chin-kissing cross and DOWN GOES MCCARTHY! Just that fast - Jenny caught trying to recover her position, big head swivel - Mac hitting canvas like she's been thrown out of a speeding limo - arms and head bouncing off mat. It's SO over - Jenny Mac out on her back - KO9 for the winner and STILL lightweight champ Jeri Ryan.

After: Thudding jug mugging seemed to take all the heart out of the challenger - close fight became a Ryan romp as Jeri systematically overhauled her foe over the last half. Camera catches smoldering look of satisfaction on Ryan's face, cut to a bewitched Jenny Mac on her back, eyes fluttering slightly as she's all stretched out quiet. Then: Swan Lake abruptly plays on screens across America in anticipation of positively prehistoric exultation from a triumphant Jeri.