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1 January 2004 Nicole Kidman vs Charlize Theron

Page history last edited by Archer844 14 years, 10 months ago

Golden Globes on the Beach:  by simguy 01-01-04

 

(TOPLESS BEACH BATTLE)

 

 

 

(PHOTOS COURTESY OF BI PHOTO LAB) 

 

Both women nominated for Golden Globes; Hollywood foreign press gets a windfall as the women agree to a topless beach fight. Fellow fighters dismiss it as publicity stunt, FCBA officials refuse to sanction it, but topless beach bout between mega-celebs Charlize Theron and Nicole Kidman goes ahead. Negotiations arduous - ring ropes set up in sand takes away Nicole's hope of boxing - she counters by demanding Australian private beach (co-owned by Naomi Watts and partners) at high noon in hopes of stacking deck against American.

 

 

"I'll give her whatever she wants," breezes a cocky Theron, "just as long as it gets her in that ring. I can't wait - this is going to be a real treat for me and my fans. I'm promising them brutality."

 

Charlize in cream bikini bottom, gold belly chain, shoulder length straight blonde locks - Nicole in baby blue crochet bikini bottom, silver belly chain, long blonde ponytail with forelocks. Both girls opt for neoprene scuba gloves, short at the wrist, fingers and thumbs free to work.

 

Other than the foreign press, others in attendance include witnesses/recorders, timekeeper, judges - maybe a dozen suits in all. Watts working Nicole’s corner, Charlize’s long-time Aussie pornstar gal-pal, Sunny McKay, in hers!

 

Rd 1: Charlize sunny, smiling - Nicole with a tense frown of concentration. Both girls swish clockwise in the sand, Charlize with gloves open, left hand low, right hand at her chest - Nicole opening and closing her fists, occasionally touching her brows as she circles. Theron initiating, breathing out 'HAH! HAH!" as she jabs, peppering chest and face, making a fist only when she punches. Kidman blocking, looking to counter - Theron leans back, batting blows out of the air with her open hand, falling off to the left with a big grin. Late the round, Charlize tugs Nicole’s head forward while turning her to the right and clapping open-hand rights against tender kidney - that's wrong: ref let's her hear it! Other than that, tactical stuff - girls getting used to the sand, testing each other's reflexes early.

 

Rd 2: Charlize with that big grin, stomp-feinting Nicole, moving on her, tap-tapping that popping jab as she circles. End of minute one - Charlize with a little feint, a jab up top to occupy Nicole’s guard, then Theron steps in snug, carrying an open-hand righty crotch-slap flat against Kidman's trunks to draw a howl of agony from the Aussie. Nicole's hips shoot back - she drops to all fours - she's electric with pain as Theron stands above her proud as can be. Before ref can act - smiling Charlize drops down, scoops sand and splashes it up into Nicole's blubbery face - official finally hustles Charlize back, chastising her something terrible. Kidman able to get it together, but she's hobbled with hurt as Theron struts in. Nicole’s dukes're up - Charlize grabs the right wrist with her left, stabilizing Nicole, then plugging away tummy with bold right hands. Kidman groans forward - Theron dutifully works her over - thumping away underneath rights, switching her chin to Nicole’s right shoulder to club lefts across the lower back - big strapping beat down against the flanks and kidneys of the trembling Aussie. Kidman won't punk - she's shook, but gritty - occasionally chugging briskly to Theron's tanned belly with both mitts, working her way up-torso to lavish Charlize' sporty tits hard-hearted right hand scrubs. Both girls using the left hand to grab a wrist or bicep while slugging short and furiously with the right - cracking good punches below the neck at the bell.

 

Rd 3: Kidman loosens up, starts to unpack that long, strong jab of hers, cracking back Charlize' pretty face with small-glove sting. Nicole also keeping her hands open until punching, picking Theron's defense apart from outside - slicing the jab between the breasts, to the mouth, between the eyes. Charlize turning, staring - hands are up, but she's just posing - Nikki's making the best of it. Final minute, Theron with a looping, lunging wide left has Kidman leaning back off balance - Charlize stomping forward with brawling rights and swinging lefts, chases Nikki ropeside, then piling into her rough, stacking her up, and going to town. Charlize working out of the wrap - left arm under Nicole’s right, slumping Aussie torso forward, pumping up into her with brawny rights, then shifting position to wrap right, slug left. Nicole beaten into a slack-jawed swoon - crumpled forward in Charlize' grasp, unable to stop big ham-handed punches from plundering rosy ribs and pain-wracked belly. Charlize helping herself after the bell - ref tugs and wrenches at her to pull her off. Theron wiping her bloody lower lip with her forearm, raising her mitts as she swaggers back to her corner.

 

Rd 4: Kidman circling cautiously right, right fist clinched at her mouth, left hand open, smacking at Charlize' jab to parry it, pawing at her, measuring her and finally dropping a sumptuous right hand clean across Theron's lips. Charlize' head snaps hard to starboard, comes back a little groggy - Kidman likes what she sees. Nicole systematic - stepping right, driving home right hands over Theron's low left - by the midway point, American's legs are quivering, knees buckling and Kidman moves in close. Nicole palming up on Theron's biceps, getting those arms out of the way, then wading in, lefts and rights pumping to rib and perky tit, backing shell-shocked Theron to the ropes. Final minute a beat down - Charlize numb against the ropes, bent forward, trying to cover up - Kidman staying on her, lavishing both flanks with strong, strapping blows, digging up underneath and occasionally going jug with a short, clouting right hand over and over again. Theron dumbfounded as her puppies are smeared - Kidman bracing her foe with a secure grip on Theron's right bicep, the better to plow home short rights.

 

Rd 5: Fight slowly drifting away from the early stepping, stalking boxing look - girls are circling slowly, but looking to lean in, grabbing at each other, then slugging. Charlize tucks Nicole’s' head under her left arm, bending her forward and savaging her with clubbing rights against the back or digging rights up underneath. Kidman dipping side to side getting her hips and shoulders in behind short, murderous body shots at the waistline - really digging 'em in like she means it. Both girls start to get luxurious, long right crosses, neither holding her ground well as drifting blows turn girls around, send them staggering to the ropes. Both corners want the ref to do something about the other girl's infractions - nervous discussion during the break as both camps decide to escalate as fight spirals out of control.

 

Rd 6: Early assortment of Charlize body punches has Kidman clinching breathlessly - Theron ups the ante with a little counter-hug under her girl's arms and a sleek, slick left thigh up snug between the legs. Nicole gasping, bent forward - Charlize grabs trunks and ponytail, turning Nicole around and giving her the bum's rush through the ropes. Kidman dazed on the sand outside of the ring - Charlize climbing through after her - stunned officials running over to follow the action as girls stagger into the surf. Classic slobber-knocking action - girls brawling dumbly in and out of the water. Charlize extending her left, fingertips against Nicole’s chest, then leaning in a plowing right cross - cracking back that beautiful face and dropping Kidman into the water. Moments later, favor reversed as Charlize splashes down from a crashing right. Girls take turns tackling each other about slick waists, driving one another into the water - mindless back and forth has judges open mouthed, wondering how they should score it. At the bell, ref has to wade into the water and somehow bring ramshackle beauties to heel - girls led back to the ring and brusquely scolded - neither listening, chests heaving, eyes glaring during the lecture.

 

Rd 7: Girls plod through sand eyelashes fluttering, punishment adding up in long, fit torsos and legs. Brutal tit for tat - girls setting and getting off with thick leverage on single shots. Charlize dips her shoulder, pumps a left hook off Nicole's abs. Kidman leans in on her front foot, cracks a jab off Theron's teeth - gets it again. Girls fall into sweaty clinches - Charlize repeatedly using heel/palm strikes to soften up Nicole’s ribs around extended Aussie arms. Nicole at one point drives Charlize ropeside with blunt right hands on the chin, then uses her left to roll Theron chest-first against the ropes. Brawny Kidman punching - left hand holding Theron down at the shoulder, right hand tucking in short and thumping to that lower back, bruising up kidney with repeated, heartless digs. Charlize groggy, unable to get turned around - she soaks up punch after punch, grabbing the top rope to prevent herself from going down on nerveless legs. Startled ref reads Kidman the riot act - Nicole utterly heedless, thinking only of Theron.

 

Rd 8: All semblance of boxing is gone - girls are stupid with pain, heat exhaustion, legs dead in the sand - they stagger towards each other and tee off on heart alone. Any strong connect enough to spin the girl around, scatter her windblown into the ropes. Woozy, groaning clinches - girls trying to wrap up under each other's arms, press the opponent into the ropes, then hold her down for drifting right hands. Slowly - Theron imposes her will, wrestling down Nicole's guard, wrapping her up, holding her for thick, digging blows with the free mitt. Late the round: Charlize gets Nicole bundled forward in that front choke again, head snug under Theron's left arm - right hands taking whatever they want. Kidman shuddering, clasps her hands together, drives desperately up between Theron's legs - both girls drop in agony to their knees. Bell sounds - ref impotent as he tries to intervene - groggy Charlize uses her left hand to take a fistful of Nicole's waistband - Kidman swaying on her hips, blinking - Theron able to tug and punch, scoring blunt little rights that have Kidman in stupor before the ref gets his hands dirty to break this thing up.

 

Rd 9: Classic Theron at her hard-hearted best. She's the bigger, stronger girl - she's the boss - she walks Nicole down bodying her to the ropes, goes to work on her with agonizing, patient holding and hitting, body, tits and chin. Kidman helpless, swooning - Charlize exhausted, but relentless - blonde stays on blonde as fight slides greasily along the ropes. Theron fitting in sick right hands: hard amidships; blunt to ribs beneath the breast line; cruel to the thigh and inner thigh, drawing feeble warnings; and drifting, searing rights across the mouth, draping Kidman defenseless on the ropes. Theron taking her time to sort Nicole out with the left hand, propping her up, then plowing home righty, carrying into the Aussie with her body, making her feel the weight before setting up again. Theron tries her hardest, pounding Nicole unrecognizable in a shutout 9th, but she can't get Kidman to quit on her home soil.

 

Rd 10: Kidman stumbles into Charlize, clinching her under the arms - ref trying to tug for a break - Nicole goes to work with her right thigh, short, squishy thrusts up between the legs, as Charlize goes mute with agony. Theron a stumbling wreck, but SHE battles back, blocking a series of tired Kidman rights, laying home thick right hands across the chin and driving Nicole into the far ropes. Just as Theron looks to be piling on - Kidman bails herself out with a chugging assault to tit, pounding away crisscross to pancake those puppies flat, leaving Theron staring, back on her heels. Boozy extended sequences of tired grappling, girls tumbling slowly along the ropes, trying to sort each other out for desperate punishment - Kidman finally gets the upper hand. Nicole using her left, pushing on Theron's left shoulder to get her chest first to the ropes, then going to work on that left kidney. She's just tucking that fist in, carrying through with her body, then resetting. Theron helpless, eyes overflowing with tears as her legs go numb. Kidman robotic, now moving her stabilizing left to Charlize's hip, pulling back and driving in rights with all her weight. CHARLIZE GOES DOWN! Theron sinking to her right knee under the heinous barrage of kidney blows - Kidman bursting into exhausted tears at the sight, staggering away - ref issuing the count. Charlize up at 9 but teetering, on the verge and HERE COMES KIDMAN! Nikki palming Charlize' shoulders back - Theron limp, helpless, facing into the blows as Nicole props, sets and SLUGS! Thick right hand, thick left hand - Charlize getting walloped, head lolling, somehow standing upright. Fight ends to the sight of Nicole Kidman helping herself to Charlize' lolling head and busted up face, brawny lefts and rights to the bell. Ref steps in, both girls staggering, weak - all used up. Comes back UD10...CHARLIZE THERON!

 

After: Officials nervously glancing at each other - Theron falling to her knees wracked with sobs of relief - Kidman in shell-shock, staggering to her stool and collapsing. Heinous brawl leaves both women in tatters - scuba gloves basically bare knuckle, a throwback to an older, tougher, rougher era - both beauties beaten beyond recognition and ravaging each other low, working tender lower backs with cruel punches; an awful display of mean-spirited, blonde on blonde chaos that only a brunette could love! Outcry so vehement a special session of the UN Security Council convenes to decide a protocol for banning all future fights of this type, "...for the good of civilization…etc., etc., yadda, yadda, yadda!” Kidman surprising all, not just by going the distance, but muscling up, turning the tables and positively dismantling Theron in late going.

 

"Theron was out!" Nicole tells Aussie papers in days to follow. "Nobody thought I could handle her in the sand, with small gloves, but I took what she had and dished up more than she bargained for. She wouldn't go out - I'll give her credit - but I was the better woman at the end." Theron dismissing this as sour grapes on Leno upon her return.

 

"She had 3 good minutes," scoffs Charlize. "The rest of it was me beating her senseless. I went into her backyard and hammered out a decision on her best friend's beach. She'll say anything she can to try to obscure that fact, but I won, she lost. End of story."

 

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