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1 May 2009 Angelina Jolie vs Winona Ryder

Page history last edited by Archer844 14 years, 10 months ago

Posted by simguy on 5/1/2009, 7:41 am

 

Before: Angular, accurate, cruel and fragile - Jolie a rarely seen offensive sorceress bedeviled by a china chin. "I'm thrilled," Winona reveals in prefight. "It's always tricky negotiating an Angelina Jolie fight, but I knew our history might coax her back to the ring. Big mistake: I know she's slick, but I'll be one-punch away from victory all night long!"

 

Jolie in black 'Got Milk' Lara Croft bikini with black boxing boots to mid-calf with tassles; small black gloves; very long battle braid. Winona in punching pink bikini with sturdy halter-style top, white-belted bottoms; white boxing boots to mid-calf; small white gloves.

During R1: Jolie spindly, but oddly graceful - hands palm down before her, bobbing gently in the air. Jolie in southpaw stance - right foot/shoulder forward: she's very supple and bendy-backed - pivoting to her right, tucking chin in behind right shoulder. Winona looking to slug - eyes blazing as she storms forward: she's tossing looping overhand rights early, trying to do harm. Ryder's swinging blows disruptive - but telegraphed: Jolie generally able to step away or slip the worst of 'em. Angelina's punching much sneakier, straighter and more effective - especially a poking left hand snake-striking at Winona's face time and time again. Jolie stitching her way into Winona's face - just roaming right, leaning in with stiff, straight left hands: she punches Ryder dizzy, bloodies 'Noni's nose in the first.

R2: Similar stuff - Jolie hard-eyed midring - right hand dangling low, left hand clutched at her chest. AJ pivoting right, feinting - placing single left hands at will upon Winona's face. Good jolting poke frustrating Ryder, punching her off balance, scuffing up her brows through 2.

R3: Jolie continues to pre-empt...not much rust showing as she turns Winona's left flank and hen-pecks her. Lashing right hooks now deployed by Jolie - wide, limber strokes - catching 'Noni on her temple or cheek, often aiding Jolie's pivot-step right.

R4: Ryder stubbornly pushing up the middle, but clearly all at sea vs the southpaw look: Jolie easily pivoting around her aggressive foe, placing the left hand straight/slapping the right hook wide. Winona fielding a steady stream of head/face scoring blows...Jolie not heavy-handed, but stinging Ryder, busting her up. Winona starting to wobble at times - looking disorganized and startled as Jolie adds insurance.

R5: HARD left hand lances in up the middle, punching back Ryder's face: she's hurt, stunned as a snarling Jolie releases the hound. Another straight left pokes home; wide left slaps Ryder's mouth as she's backpedaling: Winona hits ropes as Jolie's stepping-with, pasting away. Angelina springy legged - pushing Winona's shoulders while setting feet, then lathering away lanky. Rangy, slender-limbed wallop applied - small mitts bouncing off Winona's face and chest. Ryder sputtering in confusion - leaning back on ropes, staring into face-spank. Drilling straight left hands from Jolie mix in with a variety of slapping/chopping shots: it's those poking lefts which finally bring the ref in. Ryder sobbing aloud as official stops the fight: TKO5 Angelina Jolie.

After: Jolie radiant - biggest star in all the world avoids Ryder's erratic attack, picks Winona apart with heartless precision. "Angelina's always been like that," notes People Magazines celebrity fight reporter. "She doesn't fight often, but she's a hardened competitor and a bitter puncher. If you get her in the ring, you need to be pushing her around and roughing her up - otherwise there's a good chance she'll carve her initials in your face!" Interesting aside: "Twilight" star Kristen Stewart ringside, obviously enjoying herself, and relishing Winona's disappointment. "I'm actually ready to sweep Winona and Kirsten Dunst aside," says Kris. "Lord knows, they're more than ready to BE swept aside!"

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