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10 December 2009 Jolene Blalock vs Jenny McCarthy

Page history last edited by Archer844 14 years, 4 months ago

Posted by ringsider on 12/10/2009, 2:43 pm

Boxing After Dark: “Mac the Knife” v. “The Hammer” - two big athletic bantams meeting in what could be crossroads fight for each. Jenny McCarthy coming off startling dismissal by Summer Glau in recent bantam tournament. Late dedication to fitness has her looking in better shape than early in career, but at 38 years of age, some have wondered (newly crowned Lilly questioning openly) if Jenny is starting to slip. Jolene Blalock, twice bantam champion and once regarded as the hardest puncher in the division, lost her way and has been on the outside looking in for a while. Now she is looking to make a move and vocally called out J-Mac, looking to make a big splash with win over a ranked bantam. One prior meeting way back in 2003 ended in KO 3 J-Mac – probably not all that relevant.

Prefight press conferences: Jenny, trying to maintain usual wacky devil-may-care demeanor, but progressively irritated when certain in media press the issue of why she’s been on the beach and B.A.D recently, rather than PPV venues. “Oh, haven’t you heard?” replied Jenny, all snarky, “I’m ‘slipping’ … just ask Evangeline Lilly! Yeah right … girl comes into the ring thinking I’m slipping? She’s going out on a stretcher and, yes, that INCLUDES Evangeline Lilly!” Jolene, cocky coming off destruction of Wuhrer in less than 2. “It was the tournament that did it for me … lit a fire under me. So-called top sixteen bantamweights fighting for the belt and no Jolene Blalock? That’s a disgrace! I wore that belt twice and I’m gonna wear it again … soon .. write it down. “The Hammer’ is back and Jenny McCarthy is looking an awful lot like a nail!”

Pre fight … lot of anticipation through crowd that this one could be quick, Two big bantams who can punch, ‘wows’ through the crowd when Blalock sheds her robe and shows that body beautiful, six pack abs and massive keggers – its not many that can distract a crowd from Jenny Mac. Blalock in black sports bra to contain the ‘girls’ and high cut, near thong teal bottoms, black mid calf boot. Jenny in the red bikini that wowed them on recent magazine covers, white boots with red tassels. Small black gloves for both … puncher’s gloves.

Rd 1: Jenny rockets out of corner, wants “on” Jolene before she can set. Jab jab and then a head down bullrush forces startled Blalock to ropes, where Jenny lets both hands fly to the body. Thudding smack off JB’s lean hard frame … Jenny rattling her cage early. Jenny bobbing and slipping Blalock receipts and making Jo miss. Jenny usually the straight up boxer-puncher – now fighting out of crouch … chin tucked down out of respect for Jolene’s documented KO power. Jolene finally able to clinch. After much wrestling, she is able to actually walk Jenny backwards to center ring and disengage. Mac back in her crouch, left hook to the head spooks rather than hurts Jolene and Jenny is back on her … pressing with crossed forearms until Jolene’s back hits the cables, then Jenny back to work short, not loading up, just looking to put a volume of shots on the Blalock ribs/tummy. Round McCarthy.

Rd 2: More bobbing, weaving and pressure from J-Mac. This is not what Jolene prepared for and it is clearly confusing her. Once again, it’s an inexorable march back under barrage of McCarthy hooks until back hits the ring ropes. Once her girl is pinned, Jenny now starting to throw with bad intentions., bashing straight right at the sternum, then popping hips right and doubling the left hook to the liver. Blalock grunting under assault, occasionally opening up to rip an uppercut – hoping to clip the McCarthy chin and take her out with one shot. Round McCarthy

Rd 3: Jenny hounding JB, who now features her legs. On toes, not really looking to punch, circling and showing some cute boxing moves with her heel pivots. Jenny content to stalk … not lunging and trying to make things happen. When she does find the range, she lets go left right left to body and then tries to bring left hook upstairs but Blalock able to cover chin or slide away. Jolene not getting hurt but barely punching. Round HAS to go to McCarthy. At bell, smattering of boos from crowd at Jolene’s unwillingness/inability to toe the line and exchange.

Rd 4: More McCarthy… pressing pressing pressing. At one point, Jolene does time a McCarthy rush and rings her up with a tidy left uppercut but all of Jolene’s weight is back. Jenny grins broadly at the shot, shakes head “no” and gestures with hands … inviting Jolene in. Jolene ain’t buying … back on toes as round winds down … Jenny again bulrushes her to ropes … left hooks hard to ribs … then lets hands fly .. MAC WANTS RACK … seven punch combination has JB cringing as the puppies are pounded! At bell, Jenny all in her face … “You here to fight? You here to fight?”. Round McCarthy.

Rd 5: Jolene gets the riot act in corner after four straight rounds to Mac the Knife. Blalock out of corner flatfooted now … right cocked … left dangling low. McCarthy crouching … looking to work in but stung by now peppery Blalock jab. Twice McCarthy battered back by that jab as she tries to close distance and punch inside. Snarling, Mac crosses forearms, tucks chin and looks to bull way in again but instead of retreating, JB forward … long whippy hook to ribs stops the McCarthy charge. Blalock feints follow up hook … Mac flinches and gets rung up! Big right hand off the temple – Jolene Blalock! Hammer time! Jenny blinking … steps back … then half step forward … and strrrrrrrrrroked an overhand right to the jaw! McCarthy walking in fence posts … looking to retreat … Blalock hard eyed …walking after her … not rushing it … Jolene known as a great finisher and just stalking her wounded blonde. Closes and flurries … left right left … buffeting shots to head … steps back for leverage …. Just heaving that straight right hand like a sash weight … once … twice … three times … Jenny Mac in earmuff and shaken … Blalock corner screaming for body work but JB smells the KO. Jolene punches herself out … has to step back … mouth breathing … Jenny over to offense but without the conviction she had. Manages to double jab Jolene and then sneak right uppercut to gut. Jolene answers with big right hand that misses but has Jenny retreating … spooked. Jolene joins the party – round to Blalock.

Blalock/McCarthy conc.

Posted by ringsider on 12/10/2009, 2:47 pm, in reply to "Boxing After Dark: Jenny McCarthy v. Jolene Blalock"

Rd 6: JB to center ring … now loose and springy … had been tight but now she is getting off! Left hand dangling at hip … right cocked almost under chin. Corner has done a good job with stunned Jenny, now urging he to “back dis girl up again! She can’t fight backin’ up!”. Jenny in crouch, arms crossed under chin ala Floyd Patterson, bobbing head … but she can’t get inside. Blalock jabbing off her hip and it is a jolting jab, stops Mac the Knife in her tracks! JB gesturing with her right … “Come get some, b###h!”. Jenny, snarling, bobbing in, JB feints jab to deke and then HUGE right uppercut. McCarthy hurt … McCarthy hurt badly … stumbles forward, reaching with arms for clinch … and gets cracked a left hook to temple. Boozy Jenny stumbles past Jolene … crashed into ropes … legs are there … barely … brain has gone bye bye! Tries to stabilize on ropes but Blalock on her … and JOLENE WANT’S JUG! Payback is a b###h and so is Jolene Blaylock! Extends left … just to stabilize slumping McCarthy … then lets both hand go! Left right left right … Jenny’s jugs pancaked by straight shots! Jenny reaching … desperate … trying to tie up “The Hammer” … but Jolene ain’t having it!

Announce table: “… these are clean whistling shots … how she endures them, nobody knows … no tits can stand up to this type of punishment … and there’s the bell, signaling the end of a very very punishing 6th round for one Jennifer McCarthy!”

Rd 7: “… JOLENE … JOLENE … JOLENE …”, Blalock fans electrified, loving their underdog, but corner unimpressed. “Ya had her, kid … ya f*cking had her … and ya let her off the hook! Never mind her f*ckin’ tits! Dial up that chin … put this tramp to sleep and let’s all go home!”

Jenny Mac up off stool, all sore and creaky. Blalock near sprints across ring to meet her, trapping in her own corner. Jolene stabbing with that sharp jab from the hip … once … twice … then three punch combination … jab … cracking right off top of skull and long whippy left hook behind J-Mac’s right elbow. Jenny pale … right tight to side trying to cover up the hurt … left hook at Blalock … tooooooo slow and get strafed long right to jaw. Jenny sitting back in ropes now, just soaking it up … Blalock with one two to the body .. then again with that straight right. Jenny stumbles to her left … hurt and hurt bad. Jenny beaten around ring .. it’s the 5th round … it’s the 6th round … redux. Virtually zero offense … and the referee starting to look very concerned … Jenny’s face lumping up … flanks spanked pink.

Kate Beckinsale, guest commentator for Sky TV in Britain, opines with unconcealed relish, “That’s it … she’ll quit now. I know McCarthy well. She’ll feign a broken hand or some such rubbish and quit on her stool. She has no stomach for this!”

Rd 8: “The Hammer” looking to close the show – stalking pummeled Playmate, right hand cocked. Jenny dukes back, all defense. Jolene jab jab jab .. more range finders/irritants and the strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrokes the right hand to McCarthy jaw. Jenny wobbly butt … stumbling … Blalock on her quick …left right left had Jen turtling … JB takes half step back for punching room and cracks right off top of Jenny skull. Jenny starts to pitch forward .. arms outstretched … looking to clinch … clipped with left uppercut that straightens her up and then follow up right cross … McCarthy down … McCarthy down! Spills to all fours … blinking and looking blearily at canvas like she’s lost a contact lens. Blalock throws hands in air … has to be pressed to neutral corner by referee. Ref picks up count … Jenny to one knee by six and up and nine … legs not there … referee takes a hard look and lets it go. Blalock out of corner .. purposeful … professional … looking to finish. Right cocked … waiting … waiting … loads one up … and JENNY GETS OFF FIRST! Short straight right from shoulder startles Jolene … McCarthy bares her teeth and wades in!!! Power not there on shaky legs but Jenny getting it done with sheer volume … Blalock can’t get off … smothered by McCarthy flurry. At bell, it’s a still wobbly J-Mac chesting up, “… that all you got? That all you got?” Furious Jolene face palms Mac back and referee in belatedly to get them apart.

Rd 9: Walking contradiction – Jenny Mac face shiny from punishment and lumping up but off stool fresher than the less marked Jolene. Crouching, sided to side with head to evade that Blalock right she has gotten to know all too well … then quick left hook to the body to get her inside … girls clinch and Jenny walking Jolene back … showing the power in those prize hams! Once on ropes, Jenny wrestles hand loose and bangs. Little side shifts to pummel first with the left, then with the right. Bumping with the shoulder to hold Jolene in place. “… the body … the body … the body”, demands McCarthy corner and J-Mac delivers, thumping smack to that toned midriff. When Jolene looks to bend forward and earmuff, Jenny gets head under chin and levers her back to expose those tasty flanks. Pitiful Jolene ineffectually cupping Jenny’s head with gloves as she take sit. Tears starting to flow …occasionally, Jenny will quick rotate hips and twist into a vicious little uppercut that catches sternum or chin. J-Mac off the deck for a near shutout round. Again talking smack after bell … “How you like me now, b###h?” … weary Jolene just looking to get away from tormentress.

Rd 10: Both corners with sense of urgency, close fight and decision could well hinge on tenth round. Jenny fresher, buoyed by that dominating 9th, back in her crouch she is right at Blalock. Jolene loads up a right and gambles … looking to stop Mac in her tracks or KO her … but Jenny slips the shot, sails harmlessly overhead and Mac is back in her trunks … arms chugging … spanking those flanks pink. Its Jenny McCarthy all over Jolene Blalock and not a thing Jolene can do but take it. Sick look on JB’s face as body punching takes it out of her … again, futile attempt to control raging blonde by cupping head between her mitts. Grim little half smile on Mac as she chugs with both hands. Desperate Jolene grabs at head and spins Jenny … and slips off ropes … Jolene to center of ring. Jenny forward … all shoulders shrugging ala Joe Frazier … and gets rung up with that straight right. Jenny paws and forward … Jolene giving up canvas … discouraged … until back hits ropes. Inside a minute and both girls have a flurry left in them … Jenny pounding Blalock belly and Jolene buffeting sides of Mac’s noggin … neither with the power to finish.

Bell … Jenny throws arms up … never hurts to try to signal judges who won the fight. Long tally of scorecards and two nervous corners … comes back a slim one point duke for Jenny McCarthy. Post fight interviews: Blalock bitter, “What fight were they watching? (referring to judges) Did they miss the 8th when I knocked her on her f*cking ass? That’s the way it is, huh? No matter … Jolene Blalock is back and from now on … I’m bringing my OWN judges!” (holding up taped fists). On British PPV, Kate Beckinsale calls the decision “a travesty”. Calling for a freeze frame on Jenny’s face, which shows plenty of evidence of “The Hammer”s power, she asks rhetorically, “THAT is the face of a woman who WON the fight?!! Rubbish”