Posted by simguy July 10, 2008

"This is like summer blockbuster boxing!" Kaley gushes in prefight. "Isn't it? 'Charlize Theron vs Kaley Cuoco' - I mean - we should fight every summer, you know? Ever since I conquered Jessica Biel, my guys and me have been looking for the next level, the next 'big thing', but honestly, I never thought I could get Charlize to the table. This is so huge - not just for me, but for boxing in general. Hot blondes competing for top spots have always defined the fight game, and I feel like me and Charlize are starting a whole new, awesome chapter!"

Theron a little more reserved: ‘Queen of the Superfight’ has been around big events before. "I've watched Kaley's career with interest," fight-fan Charlize acknowledges. “But I never really thought she was ready to headline with me. Beating Biel - getting over that hump - that's what finally made me say, 'yeah: let's sign Kaley.' She's fresh, she's fast, she's a whole new challenge for me and I'm excited to be in the ring with her."

Theron in green bikini; long Hancock ponytail with bangs framing face, small black gloves. Kaley in black bikiini; high ponytail with bangs, small black gloves. Kaley clowning a bit during ring instructions - getting up on her toes to look CT in the eye with a fighting grin.

Round 1: Theron calmly in control, stepping off the ring behind her jab, repulsing all Kaley pounces, keeping the youngster in check. Cuoco frowning as she circles this way and that, changes level, tries to penetrate down low; tries to penetrate with power up top. Theron managing all behind a thumping, accurate, jab - nice wide stance/economical footwork; right hand held tight to cheek and occasionally chopping smoothly out from the shoulder to threaten Kaley's chin. CT completes the menu with the odd relaxed, stroking right across the ribcage - smiting Kaley and sending her scampering. Stalking punishment - breezy shutout first Charlize as Cuoco is stymied early.

Round 2: Same again, only more damage done as Theron sets down on punches with bad intentions. CT working out of the wide stance: midway through she dips in over left (front) leg, snatches a vigorous hook off Kaley's tummy: Cuoco bunches up hurt, elbows in. Theron quick to take advantage; limber, sidearm right swipes across Kaley's left flank; pair of rising hooks thumps against Kaley's tummy - Theron arching her back for sumptuous leverage. Cuoco gritting her teeth in pain, but proving durable. She stumbles forward behind her gloves, cringing as steps back in good order, applying methodical shellack to the ribcage, then turning at the ropes.

Round 3: Kaley adjusts. No more leading with power potshots: pumping a vigorous stick - jabbing head and body on Theron. Kaley able to stitch in and out behind the poke, often depositing a vicious buggywhip right hand in above Theron's left hip. CT's lips curling, eyes wincing when she's smote that buggywhip: Kaley getting to her tormentress with effective chop. Down the stretch, Cuoco worming her way inside and outhitting Theron to the body: CT steps back, trying to get distance. Cuoco hops-with, clouting Charlize a balletic left/right off the bounce: Theron's head swatted back, exposing long swan's neck as she swoons to ropes. Theron stunned, staring as she settles into cables: Kaley hops on, scores an insurance right that kicks CT's head over top rope and back - violent whiplash smash at the bell.

Round 4: CT loosening up, looking to dig in and slug flat footed. When girls get close - Theron's leading a limber right to Kaley's tummy, then swiping her a close-in hook to chops. Cuoco's lips pressed tight as Charlize tests her body, then she's snatching back - hooking Theron's waist, doubling up to the head. Girls intense with concentration, panting and grunting with effort. Fighting gets closer, hotter - girls frequently roasting each other shoulder to shoulder, bumping and jostling for room with heads close together. Theron separating herself with consistency to the body - just leaning in, bouncing lanky right/lefts off Kaley's stubborn brown tummy. Hot two way action sees both girls well touched through 4.

Round 5: Similar stuff - Kaley working her way in close, engaging Charlize shoulder to shoulder, chest to chest. Cuoco's handspeed in combination superior: she's clouting and swiping at Theron's waist, snatching at that Oscar-winning gut; scuffing Theron's tits - insolent little lefts or rights slapping puppy. Kaley's bending low, easing her shoulder/elbow into CT's ribs, levering the taller blonde off: just a series of little victories adding up to a good Cuoco round. Final moments, CT steps back hands-low from a vigorous scrubbing of her midsection: Kaley hops in and scores a swinging right/left tic-toc to face, swiveling Theron's head; buckling her knees. Bell: Kaley delighted - smiling, pumping her fist en route to her corner.

Round 6: Charlize crouching - right hand stacked atop left at her breasts, left shoulder angled towards Kaley. Pawing jab from CT sets up a firm hook as she steps in to get it: Cuoco covering up, giving ground against the look. CT leaning in with short right hands off her chest, coming back with curling, limber left uppercuts that spook Cuoco upright. When Cuoco looks to renegotiate with hopping footwork - Theron sweeps wide, sidearm rights to the waist and ribs - smashing away at the younger girl's lithe torso. Down the stretch, Kaley convinced that she must edge-in and fight: she engages Theron shoulder to shoulder, looking to break off combinations at close range. Spirited two way at the bell: Theron with dukes at her chin, looking to dip-n'-rip lanky uppercuts with either hand from her guard; Kaley rolling and bobbing her torso, answering back brisk tic-tac-toe patterns, head and body. After the bell - CT follows through with a rising right to Kaley's paunch; Cuoco immediately answering with a chopping right to chin. Tempers flare as ref takes a hand.

Round 7: Withering two-way negotiations through two minutes. Kaley darting in and out, crouching low, jabbing to Theron's body, then looking to hook her chin while pivoting left. Theron staying tall, jabbing down at Kaley, looking to time her moves for limber, stroking right hands to chin. Third minute, Kaley breaks the stalemate with that hopping, tic-toc right/left against Charlize's beautiful face. Theron's head back, eyelashes fluttering as she stumbles sideways into ropes. Theron stunned, blinking, left side presented to Kaley: Cuoco hops in close, dragging a horrid right hand buggy-whip into Theron's lower back. Pretty cry of pain, Charlize: eyes shut tight, lips blurting in protest as her body and legs freeze up. Kaley snarling, pushes her knuckles against Theron's left shoulder, then curls a smooth left hook off CT's left breast with a healthy spank. Suddenly, KALEY'S PASTING CHARLIZE! Theron in stupor, instinctively draping her right arm over the ropes for support: Kaley butt-back, back straight, feet wide apart as she lets her hands go - she's swiping and chopping at Theron's head, neatly shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she smites. Kaley's still hacking in short right hands to Theron's jaw after the bell as ref jumps in.

Round 8: Left side of Theron's face tender, swelling - she's looking harassed. Bitter fighting midring as Theron bends her knees, licks that limber right uppercut off Kaley's tummy, then hooks Kaley's face. Cuoco taking well, steps right, drops the elastic straight right hand over CT's left shoulder, then lashes a pair of hooks to Theron's midsection. Theron turns on a vicious overhand right, just brushing across Kaley's back as Cuoco nimbly ducks it; comeback left whispers across Cuoco's back as she bobs low again - CT turning on her hips, lips curled back off her teeth as she misses. Kaley opportunistic out of her crouches - tilting right to pull left hooks across Theron's breasts; leaning in to fetch CT's chin the chopping right hand. Theron widens stance - dropping her right foot back while spreading Kaley out with the jab: Cuoco forced to bob and weave her way back in close. Shoulder to shoulder - CT will lean her chin out over Kaley's left shoulder and lap at Cuoco's middle with both hands hup-hup-hup. Cuoco will pull away off the bump, hooking CT's mouth or jugs off the right foot, then seek heartless buggywhip right hands in above Theron's left hip. Glorious, sinewy blonde action: neither girl sparing the lash in a withering, back and forth 8th.

Round 9: Same again. Girls spend less time circling: they know how to get close and work - each comfortable with the terms. Kaley to Charlize's firm waist with tart right/lefts - Cuoco snapping her mitts off taut meat, leaving it humming and spanked. Charlize with her hands up, elbows in close to her body - she's dipping her shoulders, licking her fists in limber strokes off Kaley's tummy, bringing the mitts back quick to guard position. Charlize still trying to smite Kaley's jaw, but younger blonde so slick bobbing under the work: Theron's tightly-turned punches just curving over Kaley's back as Cuoco ducks low. All even down the stretch, then Kaley erupts. Right/left tic-toc out of the crouch, swiveling Charlize' head as she straightens up, hands low. Theron staring, lips parted: Cuoco able to reload, hop a pretty hook into chops, then bend into a glorious right cross, slugging Theron's face hard to starboard as CT's mitts are stacked right atop left at her tummy. Theron turning to her right, stumbling forward into ropes: she's trying to turn herself around when Kaley hooks-face from almost behind CT, startling her. Theron crumpling forward, earmuffing up, right side against the ropes: Kaley hops to her left, positioning near CT's lowered left shoulder and Cuoco REEFS right hands to CT's ribs! Big, whacking, batting strokes - Kaley's face flushed red with the effort, lips curled back - her right arm delivering thudding groundstrokes, shivering off the thickness of Charlize and THERON TAKES A KNEE! CT teary-eyed, trembling as she kneels at the ropes: Cuoco tosses her head back and bays at the moon, arms rigid at her sides as she stomps away.

Round 10: Theron cringing on her stool as her ribs are probed; Theron's face and eyes swelling badly - it's desperation time for the future hall of famer. Kaley ROCKETS across the ring, eyes wide, stomp-feinting to freeze Charlize, then labeling her a jolting hesitation right across the chin. Kaley springy, getting off limber and elastic punches; she twists torso-right, wiping her hook off Theron's ribs, then quickly swipes the right hand down across chin again. Theron staring, hands at her chest, as face and body take lickings: she's very upright, lips parting in stupor. Kaley feints, then deploys heartless buggywhip right hand in behind Theron's left elbow: Charlize groans, wilting backward into ropes. Kaley hops forward, staying low - couple of bobbing headmoves and deep crouches, then she fronts-up, SHOESHINING THERON'S JUGGS! CT blurting in shock, stunned that Kaley would reap rack so brazenly. Charlize reaches to clinch: Kaley dips the right shoulder, lifts a savage right uppercut to the sternum: Theron up on her toes as her mouthpiece shoots off her teeth - she drops straight down onto hands and knees, quivering with body shock! Kaley struts the rings, hooting and pumping her right fist in celebration. Charlize beats the count, swaying on the spot: she digs in at the ropes, engaging as Cuoco squirms in close. Grim shoulder-to-shoulder trade, girls just in there mouth-on-shoulder, shrugging short-arm hurt into each's other lungs and tummies. Charlize banging it out of Kaley here, but Cuoco stubborn, keeping the pressure on: she knows tit-for-tat is too expensive for CT right now. Final minute, Cuoco shuts Charlize down with a succulent series of swiping rights and lefts bounced tart off the waist: Theron gurgling, stops punching, folds forward behind her mitts, butt-in-ropes.

And Kaley goes to work!

Cuoco teeth bared, starts reefing in behind either Theron elbow - looming over the doubled-up superstar, beating her without mercy. Hooks off the left foot; right hands off the right foot - Kaley just dipping side to side, taking juicy rips at helpless prey. Theron sobbing into her mitts, shuddering under the thudding blasts. She's brave, she's proud, but it's all too much. Theron wilts to her hands and knees, head bowed as Kaley throws her head back and howls. CT beats the count at the bell, hands dangling at her sides, cheeks tear-streaked. Comes back UD10, Kaley Cuoco.

After: Five rounds a piece, but Kaley's late power surge produces three decisive knockdowns that seal the deal! Tough-to-watch beating for Theron - she's rickety to her stool, cringing as throbbing ribs are tensered up and tended to.

"I read everything Cat Bell ever wrote about Charlize and I watched every one of their fights preparing for this contest," Kaley emotes in postfight, still quivering with excitement. "I knew I'd have to work harder than I ever had before to put Charlize down - but once it started happening, it's like she couldn't stop it! I truly believe I crippled her to the body - that was the main thing. I hit her so hard in the ribs, that she just couldn't fight back the way she wanted to." A lot of talk along press row about installing Kaley at #1 - maybe even fighter of the year honors: great year for the kid just goes over the top with this win.