Originally posted by Simguy on 7/10/2008, 11:20 pm

BEFORE: Prefight shenanigans galore. Lohan and nemesis Fox frequently coming to blows during press conferences. After an early-weigh-in—with fighters standing around in their underwear—opportunistic Fox tugs a startled Seyfried forward by her bra, short-arm slapping her into a stupor before officials can intervene. “I want to thank Lindsay for getting me this fight,” Amanda says during one heavily secured press conference, “because Megan is a massive skank who needs her rear-end BOOTED. I’ve formed up my tummy since my last fight and I’m ready to go a hard 10 if I have to. But I won’t have to, because Megan can’t take a real woman’s punch.”

Fox routinely dismissive of Seyfried—often getting into it directly with Lohan rather than addressing her actual opponent. “I should be fighting Summer Glau,” Megan tells reporters, “but Lindsay’s got deep pockets—not to mention a deep throat—and money plus blowjobs talk in the FCBA. So I’ll be carving up Amanda Too-Soft Seyfried for your dining pleasure. I do need rounds, so I don’t mind a tune-up—but I’m determined to make bigger and bigger fights as the year goes on. Amanda is small potatoes. And weirdly ugly, fish-faced potatoes at that!”

Megan in pale blue bra and panties from Maxim shoot—curly dark hair loose; white rabbit-fur punching mittens. Amanda in pale pink bra and panties; gold curls loose; white rabbit-fur \punching mittens. Girls seething, refusing to touch gloves despite ref’s instructions.

During R1: Fox lithe, limber: from wide stance, she’ll bat her left jab down atop Seyfried’s guard, then smoke a right hand across the chops—Megan’s right (back) foot lifting up prettily off the canvas upon delivery. Megs scoots to her right after smiting face; Seyfried turning, glaring, teeth bared. By the second minute—Amanda’s starting to get off—leaning in and punchihng hard right hands down into Foxie’s ribs—forcing Meg to scoot, Megan frowning thoughtfully—showing some respect for the heft of Amanda’s punches: brunette always circling, flitting in to punch at Amanda’s face—then getting out of Dodge rather than laying in to trade.

R2: One of the prettiest sights in boxing: Megan Fox using a batting left to knock down Amanda’s guard,, then driving in that bunny-gloved right hand to cheek—complete with the back (right) foot jerking up off canvas. Fur glove thumping against Amanda’s face—Seyfried just staring into the punches, surprised when they land: no head movement from the blonde. Megs hop-hop-hopping to her right, lips set in that bytchy snarl—then she darts in again, punching with feminine vigor. At one point—Megan delivers a full blooded backhand left across Amanda’s perk jugs, then slaps the forehand across (both bytch AND pimp-slapping those puppies), bringing in the ref. Seyfried outraged, shouts “Backhanding? Really, ref? Why not just let her kick me the trunks?” To which Fox chirps up: “CAN I?” Warnings all around as official imposes rule of law.

R3: Megan continues to vex Amanda—brunette much more agile, lithe—stepping in behind that slapping left and really drilling home the rights. Seyfried’s head punched hard to starboatd, but give her credit: curvy blonde’s soaking ‘em up, continuing to come forward with dukes at shoulder height. Midway through, Seyfried crouching down to sweep a big right hand to Foxie’s ribs, catching Megan as she’s raising her left to slap-jab: cry of pain from Fox as the fur-lined THUDD buckles her knees. Megs cramped up in pain—armed crossed at her body: Amanda quickly bodies up, bulls Megan to ropes. Seyfried tummy to tummy—she reaches both arms in around Megan’s left arm, securing it above the elbow, pulling it across Fox’s body to expose tummy/left side. Seyfried jamming her shoulder in Fox’s chest, pushing in on her: poor Meggie grimacing under the weight—her right palm pushing at Amanda’s leftside lats, trying to lever her  off. Seyfried’s backside jiggling side to side with the effort of bracing slighter brunette against ropes: Megan’s trapped; Amanda goes to work.

With Seyfried’s left arms still trussing up Megan’s left—Amanda tucks in rights to tummy. Big, pumping blows—Amanda fetching’em while crowding in with her body weight, pounding directly at Foxie’s will to live. Poor Megan! Breathy pumps of air are punched out of her in gasps and whimpers as Amanda methodically digs in. Megan punches her right hand in Amanda’s left side—the knuckles landing flat, Megan’s thumb out to the aside—but Fox can’t get any leverage on the shots. Seyfried ignoring Megan’s work, concentrating 100% on pushing up, and tucking in righty, Dull thump of small fur-lined mitten on form young meat goes on and on—Fox’s face growing more and more distressed over Amanda’s left shoulder. AND THE REF MOVES IN! Megan crying—Amanda in dominant position, really punishing her foe unopposed—official pulls Seyfried off and hugs Megan to prevent her from collapsing to canvas. Stunning upset TKO3—Amanda freakin’ Seyfried.

After: Huge underdog Seyfried wide-eyed, stunned with the victory: Lohan rushes in, hugging Amanda and squealing as shrilly as if she herself had just knocked Fox out. Lindsay reportedly garnishing as much as 30% of Amanda’s take-home for this fight: you’d squeal too, Megan quick to recover—angrily pushing at the parental referee—stamping her foot in protest. Ugly scene in the ring as seething Fox pushes Lindsay and berates Seyfried—security rushing in before tempestuous ingénues can get jiggy. “I’ll see you in the phuquing ring, Lohan!” Fox shrieks as she being bodied back. “In your dreams—skank!” Lohan shoots back. Amanda just standing around looking pretty.

Reposted by Archer 7/30/09.