by Simguy on 03/11/2005

Before: Some questioning the wisdom of a rugged Jewel Kilcher test at this juncture: not Jessica Alba. "This is my year," says confident beauty, sporting blonde locks in support of several upcoming films in which she'll showcase the look. "I'm taking over at the box office and I'm taking over in the ring. I need rounds, my fans demand rounds - I'll fight any girl my size in the world: Kilcher's just the next bytch-slap-about-to-happen."

Kilcher classy, removed from Alba's sportive trash. "I've been walking girls like Jessica down my whole career," says Jewel. "I know I'm a big underdog and that's fine. I'll be the last girl standing when we're done."

Jessica in taupe bikini, messy ponytail - Jewel in metallic baby-blue bandeau bikini, slick low ponytail. Small gloves both vixens.

During R1,2: Back to back shutouts Jessica Alba - she's doing it with her legs, roaming, potshotting, eluding with supple, loping moves. Frustrating for stalking Jewel - she's creeping forward, right at her temple, left at her chin, simply unable to establish position. Alba bounding around hands at her sides, she'll change directions, lift a right or left off her thigh to tag Kilcher, then dance away from receipt. At one point, Jewel takes a right hand tap on her forehead: she drops her hands in disgust, shouting at Jessica to bring it - Alba grinning, shaking her head 'no' and dancing away.

R3: Alba settling down a little - still flashy, lanky limbed and supple, but looking to punch with a little more heft. Jess with a playful high guard, batting her palms lightly atop Jewel's head and shoulders while sidestepping, then suddenly ripping the lanky left uppercut - Jewel proving stout as chin soaks up it's first true tests this round. Kilcher getting off at last - right hands above Jessica's left hip and a stubby little jab from that tight guard knocking back Alba's forehead. Bell: Jessica very upbeat, grinning - she helps herself to a chunk of Jewel backside via the cheeky backhand snap-slap.

R4: Jewel in that tight stance, stepping forward, right hand tight to temple while finding Jessica with that chunky, insistent stick. Jessica juking left and right, lifting splashy lefts or rights off either thigh and swatting at Kilcher's ears, luring Jewel forward, then diving in with sweeping lead rights - all gaudy, circus-style potshotting from athletic, sinewy blonde. Jess also easing in with her left shoulder, pressing, then easing out, shifting weight to right foot as she swipes a hook across Kilcher's face. Alba keeping the right hand at her cheek, turning her shoulders into these fresh, lithe hooks - a pleasure to watch. High contrast styles - Jewel methodical, applying constant pressure with her legs: Alba loose, limber, using the ring, building a commanding lead on the cards without putting any serious damage on her foe through 4.

R5: Jewel having her best moments - coming in strong off her sturdy jab with hard right hands in Jessica's flank - Alba finally hounded to ropes where Kilcher can square up and get off. Jess supple, sinewy in the pocket - rolling punches, leaning into ropes to slip, bouncing back with cheeky counter-rights on Kilcher's face, turning into slicing tight hooks across Jewel's mouth. Kilcher pawing the jab, pawing the jab, then jamming the right hand head, chest on Jess, coming back into Alba with a shivering mop-up hook in the waist - good trudging stuff from JK. Down the stretch, Alba eases her left shoulder into Jewel's chest, ducks down under a clubbing Kilcher right and answers back a carving, curling right uppercut bingo on the chin. Jewel put wobbly butt, momentarily dazed, on her heels - Jessica spins off the ropes with a beaming grin, mocking Jewel at the bell rather than cleaning up like a real pro.

R6: The NERVE of Jewel Kilcher, stepping in close and hooking Alba's chin so hard - young blonde sent pinwheeling back on her heels, careening off balance across the ring - only the ropes breaking Jessica's fall. Awkward moment humiliating for Alba: brings out the beast - she steps to Jewel and unleashes an awe-inspiring, lanky limbed barrage of non-stop shellack. For two heart-pounding minutes - Alba lays into Jewel, stroking right/lefts across quivering abs; riding into Kilcher's shoulders with forearms to get bump, then dip-n-rip uppercuts; stepping with Jewel along the ropes and wailing away slinging rights and lefts. Kilcher adrift - sliding/stumbling along the ropes, hands at her temples, everything on sale as Jessica beats, beats, beats away - it's just one girl swinging lusty as another tries to hang on for dear life. Kilcher battered from pillar to post, soaking up chin and tummy checks from rangy-limbed Jess, but refusing to go down. Bell: Alba bug-eyed with fury and disbelief; Jewel beaten senseless, wandering wobbly butt to her corner, staring numb. Corner immediately goes to work rubbing her thighs and biceps, dousing her with icewater: she just can't take another round of punishment like that.

R7: Alba flat footed but sinewy, prowling, dragging that front foot as she slides back, walking Jewel into a firm, scolding stick. Alba slashing a semi-sidearm right tight to cheek, tugging jaw a limber-limbed hook, pivoting to her left - eyes gleaming with hate as she looks to hurt Jewel even more. Kilcher steady - high, tight guard, stepping forward with that pesky, thudding jab - she's scoring to forehead, startling Alba, walking her down if not getting the better of her. Jess with cute sidesteps around hooks or uppercuts - she's so pretty to watch getting off, but her punches aren't rattling Kilcher the way they had been - Alba being hurried, pressured even as she takes the 7th.

R8: More of the same - Jessica confident with her distance, now flat footed, jabbing Jewel's face and looking to grease in lanky combinations. Oily right cross to chin, strapping left hook snappy off Jewel's gut - Alba just laying it in thick, pivoting easy to the left, occasionally stepping out and walking to her right with a contemplative scowl: classic stuff. Jewel won't be discouraged: still coming forward, still finding Alba with the jab and hammering her flank that nasty right hand, getting the odd withering hook in behind the elbow. Jessica wins her 8th straight round, but her mouth is open, psychological and physical fatigue adding up under Kilcher's persistence.

R9: Jewel forcing Jessica to ropes, pounding away jabs from that high guard, right hand tight to temple to guard against Alba's slinging, sneaky counters. Jessica discouraged - she's hit this girl with everything she has - Kilcher's still coming forward! Jewel inching in off the jab, crowding against Alba's guard, then hooking Jessica's midsection - queasy tremor in Jessica' long legs as Jewel shoulders her off to reset. Kilcher icy-eyed, bashing rights and lefts against Jessica's toned arms, bringing the guard down, then HAMMERING away to jaw short-n-clubby. IT'S A BEAT DOWN! Jewel so methodical, unspectacular, but so solid, Alba stiffening, drooping forward behind her mitts, just accepting Jewel's punches up and down her flanks, in her midsection and ALBA TAKES A KNEE! Jessica's eyes shiny, lips quivering - she BARELY beats the count, knees a-knockin'! ON COMES JEWEL! Kilcher forcing her way back in with that stout jab, straightening Alba up - RIGHT CROSS ON THE JAW! Kilcher just extended on a blunt chopping right, swivelling Alba's head - JESSICA GOES DOWN! Jess jerked a quarter turn to her right, goes limp then reclines parallel to ropes. She's laid out flat, legs straight and stretched, elbows on the canvas, hands limp, projecting upwards from the waist towards the ceiling, eyelashes fluttering like bee's wings in scary KO rem sleep. It's SO over - Jewel Kilcher looks down once before turning away and stalking back to her corner. KO9 Jewel Kilcher.

After: Screams from the HBO box seats: suits tearing out hair in clumps as Jewel Kilcher proves a hardhearted spoiler once again: she just loves hammering pampered hotties. Kilcher badly busted up - eyes swollen to slits, but she's fully present for her post fight comments.

"People mock me for my lousy record," Jewel says, "but I've learned something from each and every one of those setbacks. I'm solid. I know my limits. Tonight was a triumph of substance over style, steak over sizzle. I pounded Jessica Alba out not because I'm the better boxer: I used her up because I'm the better person - period. I know a lot of important people are upset at me right now - a lot of money was riding on Jessica going into tonight, but you know what? I deserve a little of her heat. If I can beat down Jessica Alba, I can beat down any bantam in the game - all I need is the opportunity."