Posted by simguy on 3/12/2005

Before: Is Father Time catching up with Salma Hayek? 'Latina Heat' magazine doesn't think so. "This talk of Hayek losing a step is overdone," says one respected Mexico City pundit. "Don't forget, Hayek couldn't get arrested just a couple of years ago - wasn't getting fights, was mired in Lucy Liu-like rut - but she resurfaced to become a champion and dominant flyweight once again. She's getting hit more, and those losses to Jennifer Love Hewitt ARE a concern, but Salma Hayek is still really the best fighter in the division and one of the best fighters in boxing." Jessica Simpson blossoming into a compact little juggernaut who can slug-n-mug with the best of 'em - curvy blonde anxious to expose Hayek as a "Gut-shot old hag". "If Jennifer Love can do it," says an upbeat Simpsy in prefight, "I'll do it for sure. My jugs stopped Hewitt's jugs and they'll stop Hayek's - I just hope I pound her out cold so I can snuggle her up! (hugs herself, rocking side to side with a big smile)" Hayek in black bikini (After the Sunset) gold Aztec bicep band - Jessica in pale pink bikini, coming to ring instructions with a tan soft leather vest, fuzzy pink cowboy hat.

During R1: Simpson comes out swinging - walking barrage of rights and lefts - concussive blasts pounding off Salma's temple, backing startled latina straight into her corner - Krusher corner jumping up and down and clapping as Jess gets the blazing start they wanted. Hayek stunned, hands outstretched, Simpson's fists shelling the face as blonde bares teeth, leans in and pulls home shellack - SALMA'S STARTING TO DROOP! Jessica gets low, stacks her up beefy and SIMPSON ROMPS TO JUG! Simpsy bending her knees, thrusting up into Hayek's mouthwatering mounds - short, short lefts and rights packed in there tight - poor Salma distraught, wobbly butt, unable to stop the carnage. Jess just a stackin' and a sluggin' - bumping slumping Salma off, chugging in again, getting tied up, wriggling and jostling to get hands free. Hayek groggy, tying up around the elbows, slowing the pace juuuust enough to make it to the bell - Simpsy yelping in triumph as she skips back to her corner positively GLOWING.

R2: More Simpsy - flood gates open, young blonde heart soaring - Hayek's let Jessica get off to a terrific start tonight. Jessica swinging away to Hayek's head belting, brawny lefts and rights - Salma retreating, left outstretched, turning her head to the right to try and roll Jessica's whistling rights - once again brunette's stampeded to ropes for punishment. SIMPSY GOES JUG! Jess able to squirm in close, body up, then get back to shruggin' Salma's helpless, bulging hooters. Short-arm drubbing, Jess doing it all with legs, swishing side to side shoulder movement - not much backswing as she gets after Hayek's moneymakers. Salma shabby - sagging in the ropes, reaching around Jessica's arms, tying up her head - but late the round, Latina finally starts moving her hands. SIZZLING head-on-head hup-hup two-way slugging late - girls leaning in, busily banging away underneath - they're still punching after the bell as the ref edges in.

R3: Jessica overwhelming Salma with sheer blonde exuberance - scoring with that reckless walking barrage of lefts and rights to the skull and backing Hayek up. Salma dazed, rung up again - she's taken some hellacious headshots from Jessica, starting out the rounds in a fog and blonde's taking full advantage. Hayek's butt in ropes, hands outstretched - JESSICA DIGS TO RACK! Simpson diving back into Hayek's chest, shrugging up in there, so bold as to jerk 3 or 4 consecutive rights, then getting muscular with the lefts - just pumping 'em up in there as Salma wilts under punishment. Hayek all cramped and sullen, getting stacked up, mauled, bullied, and belted - slowly she bogs blonde down with a series of arm clamps, head locks, getting ref's breaks. Salma open-mouthed, resentful - looking ONLY to clinch: long time Hayek fans can't believe what they're seeing.

R4: Veteran Hayek weathering the storm - starts to execute this round. Jab: solid, shocking, stopping Jess in her tracks, pre-empting her lusty brawling swings midring. Lateral movement: Hayek easy to her left, potshotting her jab and moving - she's just resetting the agenda, keeping Simpsy at poke's end, preventing blonde from bulling forward. Some power: Hayek hooking off the jab, introducing herself to Jessica's jaw and liver, stepping around. Simpsy turning, confused, nibbles her mitts, bobs side to side as Hayek boxes for a clean shutout.

R5: Jessica's ferocity: great lusty rights and lefts, but strong - she's stepping into the punches, crouching to get body weight behind shots - Hayek has to retreat in the face of thudding blonde leather. Salma against the ropes just an average brunette - she covers up earmuff, shuddering as Jessica goes waist with a ripping series of hooks, pushes up to reset, then looks for uppercuts and clobbering right hands back o' the head. Salma tired, shopworn, bending at the waist, getting pelted - again she's letting Jessica have her way, then reaching around the waist or tying up the arms, content to bog blonde juggernaut down. Simpsy all wriggling, squirming to disengage - she's often falling in and smothering her own attack in her enthusiasm - could be the only thing keeping Hayek around.

R6: Hard grinding action midring, girls shoulder to shoulder, hunkering in tight, hooking breadbasket and jug, bumping, rotating clockwise. Hayek doubling up with a nice little cuffing hook to cheek/payoff hook downstairs to liver - really sinking it in nice and expecting Simpsy to crumple: blonde proving unexpectedly stubborn, digs right back with short rights up top, thudding lefts on ribs. Best two way competitive round thus far, but down the stretch it's Simpsy: younger beauty steadily backing brunette to ropes where Hayek immediately reaches around Jessica's elbows to hug her close.

R7: Hayek can't stop the flood. Jessica pouring in now, driving forward, scoring to the temples and chin with fearless clanging lefts and rights, hurting Salma early, bodying her to ropes and getting brawny thereafter. Hard to watch - Hayek covering up, reactions slowing - she's taking punches sullen in her body, on her flanks as she droops forward behind tired mitts. Simpsy leaning her chin over Hayek's shoulder, thrusting in right hand after right hand, pushing to shift her weight, then get multiple lefts: sure sign of dominance when a girl can get body shots like this. HAYEK TAKES A KNEE! Gasp from the crowd as Salma sinks down, pain etched in tired eyes and bitter lips - Simpsy jogging to neutral corner all beaming grin, fresh-faced glee, overhead lights shiny off forehead and cheeks. Hayek nodding after 8, ref wipes her gloves on his shirt then waves Simpson on in! PANCAKE! Hayek bodied into ropes flat, jostled then RANSACKED as Jessica goes back to that aching rack. Hayek drooping, giving up her chest - everything's on sale as Simpsy bends her knees, thrusts up, gets in there with awful, full-bodied gusto. Senseless pounding of Hayek's world class melons goes on and on, bulging flesh just bunching up and trembling there hurt and HAYEK GOES DOWN! All fours, panting, grimacing - poor Hayek sobbing for breath as Simpsy jumps away all puppies and party hats.

R8: Hayek grim, beat up, but determined - she fights in spots, shows she's not ready to pack it in just yet. Simpsy still effervescent, young enough to waste punches - Hayek starting to make Jess miss with just enough head movement, easing inside the arc of Simpson's haymakers. Salma not punching much, but she's edging in with her shoulder, budging Jess, pivoting off her, managing her better. Simpson carries the round with aggression, but she doesn't put much extra wear on Hayek in the 8th.

R9: Hayek operating midring - showing a calm, consummate professional look as she operates behind a crisp, heavy jab. Hayek pivoting left, jabbing up top, hooking behind the elbow - basic stuff but it works wonders: Simpson getting preempted, turning, covering up and taking in her body - she doesn't have a lot of answers when she's not charging straight forward. Hayek scoring, then easing in with her shoulder, reaching under Jessica's arms for breaks - Salma managing her foe's body beautifully, punching and clinching to good effect this round.

R10: Salma lands a firm one-two, getting Simpsy to stutter-step forward behind her gloves - Hayek sets and rips a thumping, vindictive hook to jug. Salma stepping around her jab, hooking Simpson to the liver, but when she gets Jess leaning forward, Hayek leans in on her front foot close and wedges home tight left hands to rack in a petty, futile effort to answer the countless punches absorbed by her own chest tonight. Simpson getting herself boxed and touched up, but Salma doesn't have stopping power at this point - Latina simply outclassing blonde to the bell to go the route. Comes back UD10 wide - Jessica Simpson!

After: Simpsy vaulting to the top of the charts with the upset - smothering out JLH, out-slugging feared Salma Hayek - Jessica's made an art out of mindless blonde brawling at 110. "I pounded her jugs!" Simpsy chirps in postfight, most pleased with herself. "Right from the start, I just threw a blanket over Salma and beat her - her punches didn't hurt me at all!" Hayek downcast, quiet as gloves are removed - beaten badly to the body, yes, but Simpson's caroming headshots had Latina on her heels all night. "I jus' din't have it tonight," Hayek tells Spanish Language TV. "I hate to lose to a girl like Jessica - tha's not me, you know? I came out flat and she was flying - by the time I got going, the fight was already over."