Posted by Simguy on 3/14/2003, 6:13 am.

Before: “It’s become fashionable to write Teri Hatcher off,” notes one freelance fight scribe, “but she’s still got snake-strike power and she’s one of the few girls out there who can say she’s beaten Dani Fishel, Eliza Dushku and Kelly Hu. Jolene should be commended--she’s coming off a sobering loss, but not taking a cupcake. Teri’s going to fight her.” Lanky-bodied match up should be a crowd=pleaser--both girls like to open it up, both believe offense is the defense, both can crack with willowy leverage. Hatcher in royal blue satin cropped camisol and panties, Jolene in silver/grey bra style bikini top, white tie-side bottoms.

During R1: Flat footed stepping in a counterclockwise direction--right hands at chests, left hands low, backhanding out measuring jabs, both girls want the right cross. Hatcher lands it first--end of the first minute, cracking hard over a reaching Blalock jab to shake up Jolene’s legs. Teri showing her experience with a hurting youngster--brunette steps inside, goes to the midsection with bandy-armed licks--loose, lacquering shots across the belly and ribs have Jolene buckling forward, Blalock slugging back in the final minute--girls slinging rising hooks against one another’s taut bodies, bending into searing right hands at the bell.

R2: Flat footed exploratory boxing midring--girls rotating, seeking each other with jabs off the hip, right hands loaded up and ready to uncoil. Lots of near-misses as the girls snipe at long range, but down the stretch: Blalock pitching the right gets a hard carom off Teri’s shoulder, into her ear--Hatcher rattling back on her heels, then dumping to her buttocks, shaking her head in delayed shock at the gangly power of the blow.

R3: Blalock becoming stalker, aggressively stooping to backhand jabs to her foe’s belly, then leaning over to heave home that rocketing right, Hatcher bending back from serious heat, occasionally looks off balance--legs giving tell-tale signs of being shot as she struggles to change direction and get out of harm’s way. Blalock using wide, cuffing hooks to get close, then she’ll go at her foe’s jugs and ribcage with alternating lanky uppercuts--Hatcher covering up to take at the bell.

R4: Teri fade-stepping out, then leaning in with a glorious clouting right hand across her opponent’s bulbous jugs--Blalock outraged, wades in and mindless long-armed slugging erupts at close range. Girls just lashing each other, clipping their shots, turning their shoulders into sexy uppercuts and lathering hooks. Both adept at stroking a cheek with one hand to set up the wallop from the other, both tearing it up to one another’s breasts in mindless search for retribution, back and forth, chins and legs checked, girls just staying on one another when it happens: Hatcher taking a half step back, strokes Jolene a little check hook along the jaw, then beats her to the right hand as both girls bend in. Blalock taking flush, misses weak over the top, then buckles broken to the canvas to sprawl hurt on her back. Hatcher cooing in victory, beaming down at her helpless opponent and thi thing is OVER! KO4 Teri Hatcher!

After: Old mongoose does it again.  Teri hurt, bounced off the canvas, losing the boxing match to a younger, harder version of herself, goads Jolene into giving up distance and athletic advantage for a slugging match on more even terms. “Classic Teri,” says one observer, :she knew she wasn’t going to win this one the way it was going, so she tolled the dice, got Jolene to cooperate and just beat the kid to the punch.” Blalock disconsolate in her corner, realizes in retrospective she could have won in methodical fashion, but as she says, “Hatcher was hurt, her legs were gone--I thought ‘why not clean up’? She caught me first, that’s all--sheer luck. I’ll be back, don’t you worry about that.”

Reposted by Archer 4/6/11.