Originally posted by Simguy on 10/14/2005

Before: Brazen free spirit Vergara taking on boxing royalty in Kelly Hu—real fire and ice match up. Sofia always entertaining in prefight—drawing her thumb across her throat at Kelly, boasting of the destruction to come. Real concern in some quarters for Kelly—many not sure this is the right fight for her coming off some bad beats, but Hu shushes the naysayers. “Vergara’s tailor made for me,” Kelly promises. “I’ve reviewed the  Jennifer Esposito fight and I saw a walk in girl, a wide-=punching girl—I’ll take her apart, People have been very quick to write me of during this slump: when I hammer Sofia, let’s hope they’re just as quick to boost me up.”

Hu in slick low ponytail, black push up, yellow hipster trunks’ Vergara in tangled hair down, hulking black push up, red low-rise boy cut trunks. Small gloves, both vixens.

During R1: Vergara surging into Hu with slashing lefts and rights—Kelly slipping punches on the retreat, sets up at the ropes elbows in, dukes at her chin. Big spanking Vergara hooks in the waist, coupled with a nasty, hatchet-chopping right hand atop the head—Hu whispered up and down and KELLY TAKES A KNEE! Crowd roaring as Vergara’s merciless fists beat Hu to canvas—but Kelly up clears-eyed, nodding alertly to ref; she’s ready to go. Vergara the middle minute, chip-chopping her jab off Sofia’s chin, feinting, sidestepping: Hu in her patented closed stance—left hand low, right at chin, left shoulder pointing at Sofia. Down the stretch, Kelly tidying up with jabs, slick-chopping one-twos suddenly commits on lead right hands: Vergara walks into popping chin shot, gobbled another right on the cheek, takes a swiping hook across the teeth and SOFIA GOES TO ALL FOURS! Usually reserved Kelly hams it up on her downed foe, glaring down and drawing her thumb across her throat! Vergara up at the bell—learning why Kelly Hu was pound for pound queen all those years as Hu scraps back to take the first.

R2: Kelly on her toes, chip-chiseling that jab off her hip, neatly adjusting distance forward and back. Vergara a little rattled—Hu’s speed, sudden delivery, very hard to read: Sofia dukes at cheeks, leaning forward, trying to creep close and bang hard. Kelly controlling midring, startling Vergara the lead right, swiping hooks and chipping away stick—classic Kelly swiveling around, rolling punches with her left shoulder, chopping away for a shutout.

R3: Kelly smooth as silk, lethal as hemlock, just systematically dicing Vergara up. Ting-tang jabs scrapping Sofia’s chin, freezing her—Kelly able to step and fetch stiff belly jabs, pivoting away before the receipt. Vergara mounting brazen rushes—brawling forward with a swimming motion on her shots—Hu fading, sidestepping the fury, always in positional control with her feet. Another breezy shutout, Hu: Vergara lumping up, gnashing her teeth in frustration through 3.

R4: Sofia screaming, lowers her head, charges Kelly and tackles her to canvas with an outrageous WWE spear! Hu dazed, getting up on her elbows: crazed Colombian on her knees, leans in and CLOUTS KELLY A RIGHT HAND! Sofia actually trying to mount Hu and rain down punches—ref gut-wrenches writhing Latina off and gives her a SAVAGE tongue lashing. Hu frazzled, wide-eyed—she’s driven to ropes by another head-down tackle as Vergara shows tremendous leg drive. Pushing and punching, Sofia simply bludgeoning her foe: Kelly bending at the waist, rotating her torso, trying to get low and shoulder her foe off to keep Vergara destabilized. Sofia wasting a lot of shots, but landing some hellacious stroke as well: thick hooks amidships and that hatchet-chop right hand doing real damage. KELLY TAKES A KNEE! Hu dazed, trying to relieve pressure and VERGARA SMITES HER CHEAP! Right hand on the temple spills Kelly

to her right hip—ref bodying Vergara off before she can treat herself to extra Kelly. Hu ramshackle, gathering herself and HERE COMES SOFIA! Top of the head square in Kelly’s chest blocks Hu back into ropes—wailing away on widespread pins: poor Kelly’s covered up, wilting, wilting, but refusing to go down at the bell. Ref forced to body up and physically walk raging Latina off her prey.

R5: Kelly disheveled, badly rung up in the fourth—she’s back to working her jab, trying to keep this thing midring, but Sofia smells blood, Vergara reckless; missing wild, winging blows; taking Kelly’s right hands flush on the mouth but coming forward regardless—sheer volume starting to break Hu down as punches collect on her temples/shoulders, Sofia driving Hu topside, reaches in the left hand to take control of Kelly’s yellow waistband, anchoring Hu for a TORRENT of short-clouting, drifting right hands on the chin. Poor Kelly! Hu shipping shellack—her left arm drooping ‘round Sofia’s shoulders as punches land, then Vergara tugs those trunks, jostles Kelly back into position and gives Vergara stumbling away, then throwing herself at Kelly to hit her: vigilant ref tackles Sofia and slides down her legs—Swooning 8, Kelly: eyes hollow, lips parted—she just sits in the ropes, turtles as Sofia surges forward yet again. Sheeting action lefts and rights—Vergara clanging away head and shoulders, helping herself to back as Hu wilts over double and KELLY’S DOWN AGAIN! Hu trembling, blubbering, right hand clutching at her back and IT’S OVER! Kelly can’t get over her haunches—KO5 in brutal fashion, Sofia Vergara!

After: Vergara attempting to attack Kelly even after the KP—ref and officials finally restraining Sofia in her corner: Latina showing’em the ol’ “Bogota Beatdown” style of boxing tonight. Hu overwhelmed, traumatized—Sofia’s brand of non-stop savagery unsettling to say the least. Slow mo replays a litany of outrageous brawling tactics: charging spears, trunk-tugging, heads-butting—but none of it means anything if Vergara couldn’t punch, “Kelly would not last 10 minutes in Colombia,” boasts Sofia postfight, smoking her trademark cigar. “The weak are trampled in the dust there.”

Reposted by Archer 7/6/09.