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15 June 2011 Gauntlet 6 Kate Beckinsale vs Jenny McCarthy

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 10 months ago

Kate Beckinsale 2.jpg Jenny Mccarthy 05.jpg

Round 6

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on 6/15/2011, 8:29 am

Britney: “Uhm … hate to say this Wiz but … Jenny Mac is rolling up a pretty impressive points lead about halfway through this thing.”

Man In The Hat: “It’s the freakin’ format, Brit! These girls are going out and fighting McCarthy like it’s the first round … which it is … for THEM! Blondie’s already gone 3-4 hard rounds! They SHOULD be bringing it hard from bell to bell!
You’re only fighting for three minutes! You don’t have to save anything in the tank – but McCarthy does! And if you don’t get her, at least you’re setting her up for the next girl! There’s not unifying a strategy here but … now we are
getting into the deep end of the pool … the championship rounds!”

Britney: “Worried, Wiz?”

Man In The Hat(disdainfully): “Worried? Me?!! Look at the hat, kid ! You forget who you’re talking to?”

(regal strains of “Rule Brittannia” blare through arena sound system)

Britney: “Uh-oh … I think I know what THAT means … things are gonna get just a li-i-i-i-itle more personal now!”

Man In The Hat: "Yup … its K-Becks!   Doing that 'screwin’ in the light bulb' royal wave to the Brits in the crowd …”

Britney: “And look at Jenny … she is just seething … and what’s this? Beckinsale is asking for the mic? Before the round even starts?”

Kate Beckinsale (in ring … hands taped but awaiting gloves … responding to applause and ignoring some boos!) “Thank you … thank you … you are too kind … thank you … as some of you are already aware, I find this entire spectacle (sniffs haughtily) ... distasteful … a megalomaniacal exercise by a narcissistic underachiever desperately trying to convince the public and HERSELF of her greatness, in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. I am here because I feel it is my DUTY to be here. My duty to the fans, to the FCBA, and to the sport of celebrity boxing – which properly should be the province of CELEBRITIES – not glorified page 3 girls whose sole claim to fame is a willingness to display their chemically modified mammary glands in magazines!!! (pauses and gets applause from at least part of the crowd)

Man In The Hat(chuckling): “Preach it, Sister Becks!”

Kate Beckinsale: “I am here to end this charade … now … immediately! Over the next three minutes, I shall give Miss McCarthy a badly needed boxing lesson and I shall end the round by breaking her jaw – simultaneously putting an end to
this farce and ending the career of this insolent faux-celebrity once and for all!”

Britney: “Wow … that was a mouthful! And look at Jenny! Her corner is literally having to hold her back while they lace the gloves on Kate. J-Mac doing everything but frothing at the mouth! And there’s the bell for the sixth round … and Jenny McCarthy practically sprinting across the ring and here comes Hurricane Jenny … left hook to the head … right cross …. left right left downstairs … Beckinsale on the ropes …”

Man In The Hat: “Look closer, kid! Beckinsale is taking these shots on her gloves and elbows! And see how she’s rolling with … taking the power off the shot? And there …. she spins McCarthy and gets out … Beckinsale on toes … high guard … McCarthy in pursuit and … pap … pap … pap … the Beckinsale jab … one of the best in the biz … forehead … nose … chin … McCarthy a little startled … these ain’t hard shots but they sting! And now Beckinsale drops the gloves and sticks her
chin out! McCarthy takes the bait and throws wild left hook and follow up right … except Beckinsale ain’t there no more … all bendy backed – leans away from the shots … and she comes back with a counter hook to the liver and then brings it upstairs to smack blonde face!”

Britney: “As you know, Wiz … and for the benefit of our viewers … those big swings that miss take a LOT out of a fighter!   And now Jenny’s settling into the crouch and stalking more … not the bull rush we’ve seen … and she scores to Kate’s ribs … and again … Jenny going to the body … Beckinsale not hurt yet … she is giving up canvas … and she better not find her back against those ropes!”

Man In The Hat: “Again – see there, champ? See the curt little heel pivot ? And Beckinsale’s back in the center ring and back in business.   Jab .. jab … cracks McCarthy a nice overhand right … beckons blonde 'come on' and of course,
‘Einstein’ does just what she’s told …. loads up a big left hook that Ray Charles could see coming … Beckinsale slips and ker-racks McCarthy with a counter right … best shot of the round!”

Brit: “Jenny stunned … for the first time in the round she’s backing up … and Kate stalking purposefully … feints the jab and brings right uppercut to sternum … and HERE COMES JENNY!!! McCarthy left to the head partially blocked …. hook
to the liver lands solid … left right left combination upstairs … little wide … little ragged but she’s scoring … Becks in turtle …. bobbing …. twenty seconds to go …”

Man In The Hat: “And Beckinsale SCORES with the uppercut! Sneaks that shot right up the middle while McCarthy is swinging wide and it lifts blonde damn near up on her toes … and McCarthy clinches … and there’s the bell!”

Brit: “Close round, Wiz?”

Man In The Hat: “Not even, kid … judges are already handing in cards …. and it comes back 10-9 Beckinsale! Tell you what, people, that COULD have been a 10-8 round … just sayin’”

Brit: Well, that’s why we’re here, Wiz … call them as we see them and give honest opinions! Anyway … that brings the Gauntlet a little closer … with McCarthy now leading 57-55 … still a pretty solid lead with five rounds to go,
eh Wiz?”

Man In The Hat: “Maybe, kid, maybe …. But I got a hunch they saved the best for last!”