JMD BOUT

Posted by simguy 2-16-07

Thanks to Ginny for this repost.

"I'm totally ready for this," grins a bright-eyed Jewel in prefight. "Britney doesn't measure up to me in a normal fight, and she sure as heck doesn't measure up JMD. All we know for sure about Britney's JMD is that she gets knocked out, and then suffers. Perfect!" Spears with the heart of a little slugger, but pundits wondering how her counterpunching style can translate to the more haphazard JMD arena, especially early, when girls tend to storm the gates with irresistible force. "No one has ever won a JMD contest off the ropes," Spears admits, "and I don't plan to. But I think I can take these fights late and break girls down over the long haul, and that's the plan for Jewel. Just because Lacey and Jessica all fight the same way doesn't mean that's the only way a JMD bout can be fought and won. I'm a trend setter out of the ring, and I'll be a trend setter in it once I'm finished dressing Jewel up."

Britney in white battle bikini, white gloves. Jewel in bright baby blue bikini, white gloves. Girls touch 'em up JMD style with a pressing of the right mitt against opposing jug before turning to respective corners.

Rd 1: Britney backing to ropes: dukes at temples, elbows in, slight crouch forward. Jewel squaring away, pounding at the arms and belly of her foe with thudding, methodical lefts and rights - Kilcher trying to beat down the guard to get at the juicy meat inside. Spears denying entry - first minute an odd, one way, yet ineffective bashing as Kilcher can't smash through. Second minute - Jewel reaching in under Britney's arms - bodying up and looking to wrestle apart the guard - Spears writhing to tie up: both girls tumble to canvas as Jewel deliberately trips Britney to mat. NOW Jewel's effective - up on her knees, using the left arm to tie up Britney's right: Kilcher's plugging away righty to paunch and jug - Jewel with a little frowning pout as she pumps it hard to Britney's middle. Spears momentarily disorganized, up on her knees, absorbing blows - she's finally able to embrace Jewel and wrestle her down to canvas where the girls entwine and nullify each other: ref stands 'em up. Kilcher presses her attack down the stretch - nice stiff jab out of the high frame guard as she walks Britney down - then bashing siege against the arms and flanks as Spears covers up to bell.

Rd 2: First minute Britney covered up tight on the ropes, letting Jewel get off: Spears patiently blocking and rolling, then issuing counters as middle minute unfolds. Spears licking heavily to ribs and paunch - nasty little snapping hooks bouncing off Jewel's body - then Britney leaning back into ropes, accepting Jewel onto her chest to tie up for breaks. Down the stretch, Kilcher breathing hard from body work, keeps pushing in on Britney: Spears able to tie up, twist, and push Jewel's back to ropes to earn a resounding burst of applause from the audience. SPEARS ROMPS TO JUG! Bit of a jail break as Britney rotates her shoulders and goes hup-hup-hup to Jewel's bulging hooters: Kilcher frowning, sponging it up, looks dishevelled and punished at the bell.

Rd 3: Both girls starting to get jug-minded - tempers flaring, teeth baring as they rush into each others arms and struggle to push, pull and bully the other back. Ugly mauling goes to canvas repeatedly - girls scrambling to get atop each other and plug cheap punches into the squirming body beneath. Jewel on all fours is punched squarely in her hind quarters - Britney up on her knees, snarling as she puts right hands on target. Kilcher pushing Britney to a seat in the BSE corner at another juncture - Jewel up on her knees, slamming repeat right hands down and across heaving Britney rack. Murkiest round so far - girls are still pulling at each other after the bell.

Rd 4: Didn't take long to descend into madness: girls slugging while prone; slugging on their knees; slugging standing up and holding each other in merciless wrap-positions. Fight bounces off ropes, down to canvas. At one point, Britney propped on her elbows on her back, stomp-kicks away with raised feet at Jewel's flank as Kilcher's on all fours, her right side to ropes. At another, Jewel actually securing a headscissor while lying on her left hip: Kilcher curls her body so as to be able to deliver pounding right hands to the brown body and jugs of her trapped foe. That's it for the ref: he stands 'em up, holds either girl by their elbows and gives both a good shaking. Seething beauties immediately grapple and collapse to canvas upon resumption - each struggling to jiggle her way on top and jam away.

Rd 5: Jewel has her best round, and fights it standing up bell to bell. Jabbing Britney to ropes, Kilcher immediately reaches in to chest up, bodying Spears heavily into ropes and prying apart her guard. In the ensuing scrum inside - Jewel's able to plug and tuck, push and shove her mitts to Britney's tender rack, quivering tummy. Spears grimacing against Jewel's oppressive strength - Kilcher very hard to dislodge once she's got a girl pinned down on the cables. Spears smeared sideways to ropes where Jewel can pound at back and flank as well - not pretty, but Jewel starting to wear Spears down in the fifth.

Rd 6: Jewel getting big again, bodying Britney to ropes - but Spears using her left shoulder to butt and nudge her tormentress, creating room for those juicy little hooks inside. Brit scoring hard licks to body and head - keeping herself nice and compact with right under her chin, left across her body after scoring. Jewel missing, getting bumped back, getting picked apart: Spears creating a little pocket and working it like a pro. Midway point, Britney doubles up the hook body and head, unhinging Jewel's knees: Spears immediately transitioning to JMD gathers Jewel up under her arms, muscles her to ropes and POUNDS that rack plugging right hands. Spears shifting weight to Jewel's right side, trapping that right arm while Britney's free right mitt continues to plunder - OH THE TUMMY AND JUGG she's taking as poor Kilcher slumps in the ropes. Great beefy whacks sound out from Jewel's torso as Britney plows away - this is just one blonde standing another up and going hard at her. Kilcher moaning in drowsy confusion, slumped in the strands, unable to rise or offer meaningful resistance - meanwhile, Britney's glove is spanking away on Alaskan meat. Bell: Jewel snivelling, teary eyed - Britney chests up and makes furious eye contact, letting Kilcher feel belly-weight until ref pulls Spears back.

R7: Brutal, cudgelling, hammer and tongs as girls go mouth-on-shoulder and shrug it up inside. Grunting, moist work as girls baby step around in constant contact - short, stuffing punches tucking into hardworking bellies, sloshing jugs. Hard to score - both girls thumping away with professional ardour - each using her left hand to tie up behind the opposing right elbow to turn her foe after scoring to her breadbasket. Both sets of swinging jugg mercilessly punished as girls lean forward and work underneath with hardhearted intensity.

R8: Girls pile back inside, mouth on shoulder, and dig, dig, dig away on offending beef. The fat CHUP! of paunches being cuffed. The moist buffett of jugs being stamped, smudged, clubbed. The writhing arms and the pawing mitts as each girl touches and nudges the opponent before ripping at her. Midway through: right uppercut, Jewel Kilcher. Britney's knees give way - she seems to sigh, body relaxing as she stumbles forward. Jewel stepping back in good order, knows she caught Britney good - she walks Spears into a brutal series of short lefts and rights, body and head, then sidesteps as SPEARS STUMBLES TO ALL FOURS! Britney ashen faced, bleary eyed - she's on hands and knees, staring incoherently at a jumping Jessica Simpson ringside - li'l Jess exulting in Britney's distress. Ref starts the count - but Jewel won't have it: Kilcher snarling, moves in from Britney's left side, puts the right foot on Brit's left hip and kick-shoves Spears to her back! Britney moaning, disoriented: Jewel pounces, sitting hard into Britney's stomach, causing Spears to groan piteously, her head back, chin up, arms out to either side. JEWEL POUNDS AWAY TO RACK! Great, swinging, Irish Washer Woman lefts and rights - Jewel just a-swabbing away - festive knocker-knocking a'la Katherine Heigl and BRITNEY'S HELPLESS! Spears overwhelmed - face stricken, eyes shut tight, head lolling side to side, arms outstretched - she's just getting jackhammered, breasts flapping and slopping all doughy and soft under repeated wallops and THE REF STEPS IN! Jewel physically pulled off her quarry - she kicks at Britney while being hoisted aloft - and it's OVER! TKO8 in Wild West fashion - Jewel Kilcher!

After: Spears sobbing, hugging her breasts, curling onto her side, lying beaten and alone on canvas as thousands of raving lunatics in the audience roar as one. Jewel happy, bubbling over, jumping up and down with Jessica Simpson - Kilcher making the most of the format, establishes a new low for the sport as a precedent-making TKO is scored with one girl's back to the canvas. AND KILCHER WANTS MORE! Britney pulling herself together, gloves removed as she's creaking to her feet when Jewel spins her around, BURIES a right hand deep to unsuspecting paunch. Spears pitches forward with a sob, and Jewel wraps her up TIGHT in the reverse sleeper. Jess Simpson strutting around, clapping: Jewel grinning as she cinches and jostles Brit into snug position, backing up slightly as Spears stumbles forward. Jewel bracing with her right foot back, pushing herself into the weight of Britney - Spears wobbly butt, hands palming either side of Jewel's ribcage as Kilcher's jugs go to work. Finally, sadly, Britney's legs give way: Jewel releases, allowing Spears to sink to her right knee - eyebrows high, eyelashes fluttering, mouth open as she sways drowsily on the spot.

"Finish 'er up, Jess!" Jewel says, stepping away with a magnanimous gesture towards Brit like she's a prize on the Price is Right.
Giddy with pleasure, Simpson pops the buttons of her pink blouse, revealing a hulking white push up: she pushes on in, crouching slightly to snuggle Britney up as Spears' muffled sobs go unheeded. Britney's hands palm at the hips of Jessica's tight black jeans: Simpsy just biting her lower lip as she works her tanned arms in around Britney's hated skull. More jug sloshed to Spears - Li'l Jess pouring it on with relish, then SHE releases and steps back, allowing a totally used up Britney to flop forward, face-first to canvas. Majestic Krusher blondes stand tall, hugging each other, gloating down at Britney's sweat-dappled back.

Only after Katherine Heigl climbs into the ring with a hungry ‘gonna get me some Britney’ gleam in her eye do officials move in to prevent this thing from getting even more out of hand. In the weeks to follow, FCBA front office drafts new legislation designed to prevent multiple Jug gang-ups following JMD KOs. Drafts it, mind you: some tinkering still required before they can really make it a working regulation. These things take time.