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16 October 2005 Salma Hayek vs Jessica Simpson

Page history last edited by Archer844 13 years, 8 months ago

BOXING AFTER DARK

 

Posted by Simguy on 10/16/2005, 2:58 pm.

Before: Jennifer Love Hewitt announced as the special guest referee for this fight; “I’m going to be very firm with both these girlsk” jen promises press in prefight. “I won’t tolerate any extras BS during or after the rounds, and there will be NO JMD on my watch should one or the other fighter be stopped.” Who does Jen think will prevail?  “Good question. I know Salma’s still badly shaken from the beatings I’ve given her and she looks creaky to me: I just don’t know how much she has left. Having said that, Jessica’s never impressed me: she’s sort of a Jenny Love winnable if I say so myself and she’s a pretty pale imitation. I think Hayek beats Simpson down and stops her midway through, and I’ll definitely be called up to protect Jessica as she’ll be in no condition to look out for herself!” Hayek in crimson underwire bikini (“After The Sunset”),. Jessica in black underwire bikini, Hewitt in puncher’s ponytail and bangs, royal blue turtleneck, royal blue stretch  pants to the ankle, white sneaks and socks, white cotton gloves (not boxing gloves, just regular ladies gloves).

During R1: Hayek right hand up, palm out, left hand spitting jabs--she’s pounding away to the upper chest to dictate distance. Simpsy wnt have it--she’s firing back lusty, clubbing right hands upside Salma’s head until Hayek gives ground. Curvy couple hits ropes in a sprawl--Jessica wriggling into position on top--she comes up punching hard to Hayek’s jugs, Crowd roaring in  approval at the simpleminded slugging--Simpsy in there shrugging, in there chugging-Hayek gritting her teeth and suffering. Salma butt in ropes, tieing up around Jessica’s elbows for breaks…but Hewitt just slaps Salma’s hands away, freeing Jessica up for more punching. Grinding, beefy work, blonde on brunette to the bell…and JESSICA’S STILL WORKING! Hewitt looking in attentively, apparently deaf--Simpsy allowed to plug away for several heartbeats before JLH finally tugs her off and muscles her away. Hayek glaring, stomping back to her corner; Simpson chesting up on Hewitt to protest the rough handling on the break; Jennifer chewing Simpsy out--one has to wonder who’s supposed to e keeping order in there tonight.

R2: Salma working Jess to ropes early, nudging and bumping her that lead left shoulder. extended left elbow, then digging in short, thumping hooks amidships. Blonde body proving sturdy enough--Simpson soaking up body blows and answering back short left/rights to Hayek’s ears. Spirited give and take--girls tumbling along ropes, struggling to get off at close range. Salma takes over late, crowding Jess up against the ropes, shoulder-bumping her, then bouncing hooks off chest and skull. Simpsy soaking shots, groaning as Hayek digs a pair of tidy hooks snug behind the right elbow at the bell.; Hewitt LEAPING in to tackle Salma to ropes--Hayek outraged--fight delayed as Jennifer gets in Salma’s face and threatens to take a point for late punching!

R3: Salma flustered spending most of her corner timer shouting back and forth with Hewitt--Latina disorganized when Simpsy comes barreling in. Jesscia pancaking Hayek into her home turnbuckles, then plugging away rack,. Both dukes pumping. Jess rotating her shoulders, scrubbing top of her head under Salma’s chin. Hayek pinned down grimacing, tipping side to side to find room for little tucking uppercuts into Jessica’s ribs. Torrential beat down applied to Salma’s jugs hasd paralyzing effect midway through--Hayek wilting, shutting down, covering up--Simpson hungrily pushing and punching her way in there. Down the stretch, Salma wobbly butt, not answering back: Jessica squirming in close, working out of the wrap with her left hand across Salma’s back, tucking in free right hands to belly, jugs and chin. Bell: Simpsy working mindlessly away--Hewitt staring, then finally twisting Jessica off her foe with a HEADLOCK! Crowd booing; Hayek hurt, frazzled; Simpson stamping her foot and shrieking at Hewitt.

R4: Jessica on Salma hard and fast--Hayek shopworn, sitting in the ropes sullen, but digging in and punching back. Jessica just a-jiggle with young blonde aggression--constantly pushing at Salma’s shoulders to stack her, digging two-handed to breadbasket and always, always pounding that rack. Hayek soundly thumped, but toughing it out--she’s punching back in squalls, finding ways to tuck in the left hook to Jessi’s ribs--its murky stuff. Final minute--bludgeoning Simpson right hand clouts Salma solidly on the chin: Latina knees buckle momentarily as Hayek sags back hurt into ropes. SIMPSY GOES RACK! Jessica PLOWING in with renewed vigor--crowd roaring--Salma baring her throat a little bit here hands drooping to her sides, head tilting back, eyes clenching shut as she’s temporarily overwhelmed. Thick Mexican jug bunched up under torrid blonde mugging and HEWITT STEPS IN! Jennifer with a quick whistle hugs a shellshocked Hayek to safety. Simpson leaping away, screaming “MY JUGS STOPPED HER JUGS!”--it’s chaos! TKO4 in very dubious fashion: Jessica Simpson.

After: Hayek woozily protesting the stoppage and HEWITT CINCHES FOR JMD! Jenny Love hungrily crushing Salma’s dazed face to hulking jugs with the reverse sleeper grip--she’s shaking it side to side to get in there nice and tight as SIMPSON JUMPS IN! Jessica pulling and tugging, prying Hewitt’s greedy arms away--poor Salma stumbling away bleak--right hand on the ropes to steady herself and now SIMPSON wants JMD! Jessica rushing in from Salma’s left side, grabbing awkwardly at Salma’s head with the left bicep across her face, right hand cupped atop the head: Hayek’s left cheek crushed against pulsing blonde breast as Simpsy misses the mark. Hewitt in there tugging at Jessica’s arms--the whole thing’s a hopeless travesty as officials spill into the ring and finally separate warring beauties.

Reposted by Archer 7/12/10.

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