Retro Bout: Ca. Early 1960’s.

Posted by Simguy Saturday, 17-Jun-2000 18:51:34

Before: Despite some good inside tools and professional finishing at Disney, the young Annette Funicello was a source of constant anxiety to her handlers. She may have been the Monroe of the beach blanket set as studio execs tried their best to protect the brunette star, often to no avail as the combative little minx would engage in unsanctioned bouts at the drop of a hat. The famous match against Sandra Dee was one such set-to as Funicello was under order not to trade leather with the energetic blonde until suitable “softening” could be arranged. At the first sign of prohibition, Annette made her own arrangements, deciding to fight sans ring at an undisclosed beach, surrounded by swimsuit wearing cast and crew members on a bright sunny day circa (?). Fighters as depicted, happy touching up of small white gloves, bright eyes all around as the lucky crew were treated to the sight of two women who just loved to punch it up.

During R1: Grinning at one another as they circled on the sand, Dee and Funicello swabbed early with lusty punching, showing little respect for the ability or power of the other. Almost immediately, Dee slapped a short right hand onto Annette’s eye, drawing the brunette’s feet parallel with a stutter step, and the blonde had herself a good first minute, helping herself to brunette midsection with exaggerated underhand swings, Grim-faced, Funicello slugged her way back into the fight with a gritty effort, laying her cheek on Sandra’s stomach and smacking her mitts into the blonde’s hips and belly—but Dee walked away with the points after a two-way first.

R2: Again, Dee’s quick hands held the advantage as Funicello’s superior legs were taken out of the equation by the sand. Slugging from overhand and underhand angles, Dee’s exuberant efforts met with early success as she cracked Funicello’s head back with a huge right uppercut, lifting the back foot out of the dirt in the process, Annette was stunned, and a series of swatting blows sat her awkwardly down on her butt—Dee beaming and breathing hard as Funicello shook her head. But just as Sandra seemed to be asserting herself, Annette focused herself, traded underhand bombs to the belly, and in the final minute Dee was woozy, turning away, and flopping to the sand on all fours for the return knockdown. Dee was helped to her feet by available big strong men—both women glared, chests heaving, little bodies humming as time ran out on another close round.

R3: Once again, Dee got out to a quick start—toe to toe she was less inhibited, free swinging, and Annette looked less comfortable as the sand made this a free for all. Sandra would back Funicello up, heaving in hard right hands to the pit of the belly while holding with the left, and much of the fight resembled a punch-out more than a boxing match as Funicello staggered around the beach. Good round for Dee saw her take a lot of the light behind Annette’s eyes with thudding right hands to the tummy.

R4: A sloppy fourth as the girls failed to keep their balances in the clinches, falling to the sand, pushing off one another on their knees as tempers flared. Late in the round, Dee got behind Annette, playfully dug her mitts into the waistband of the brunette’s trunks and slung her wide-eyed and panicky to the sand at the feet of onlookers. Funicello was unhurt, but this rough treatment at Dee’s hands began to separate the girls as Sandra put her personal stamp on her opponent.

R5: More holding and hitting as Dee put the pressure on. Funicello hunched over in pain, hands low, taking it to the sides, and below the arms as Dee worked her over with deliberate lefts and rights while riding her free arm across Annette’s shoulders. Sandra jerked her head and often lifted a free leg when she punched, putting it to Annette with 100% commitment on the amateurish looking but effective blows.

R6: Funicello showed she was no quitter, going mouth on shoulder with the little blonde and trading blows for all three minutes. The girls often lost their footing, palming up and wrestling for position before digging in, but Annette was more determined this round, hammering the blonde into a brace of big strong men and pounding Sandra between the hips at the bell. Some testy pushing after the break in this round as Annette finally got her girl going backward.

R7: Fight ground on in the same bitter style. Dee with the edge in handspeed, often pitching right hands in behind Annette’s elbow from the outside and clearly enjoying it as the brunette stumbled to the side in pain. Funicello’s bursts grew less frequent as Dee stayed on her, happily pulling and pushing, punching and shoving as Funicello broke down.

R8: Sandra Dee’s biggest round began when a right roundhouse on the jaw seemed to sap Annette’s will, leaving her dazed, hands at her lap as the blonde poured on. Punching with full bodied gusto, Dee walloped Annette side to side with swinging lefts and rights, until the brunette did the splits to her knees. Bleeding from a cut lip, and woozy from the pasting, Funicello beat the count, but was not the same fighter. For the rest of the round, Sandra Dee pounced and would not let up, battering Funicello around the beach, glorying in the hollow smack her fists made against Annette’s ribs, and grinning as Funicello cringed in pain from tummy work. Late in the round, Dee pumped lefts and rights into Annette’s body as the brunette stumbled forward, putting the brunette on her hands and knees at the bell.

R9, 10: Sandra dee completed a masterwork in these rounds, giving Annette Funicello a sustained beating that would hold up shooting of the brunette;s net beach epic for 6 weeks. Dee with the same smile and dancing eyes, stayed  close to hurting Funicello, always holding her across the back or shoulder with a free hand or arm, punching with the opposite fist in tight little curls to the body, breast or head. Annette was a blubbering wreck in these rounds, buttocks wobbling insanely as she fought to stay upright, but taking horrible punishment in the process. At the final bell, Dee couldn’t repress a squeal of delight as she stabbed her final left hook into Funicello’s sobbing waistline. The decision via acclamation of all who had witnessed it was unanimously in favour of Sandra Dee.

After: Funicello, battered and humiliated, left the scene of the defeat as Dee heaped taunts upon her better-known foe. On the beach, without the trappings of formal boxing, Funicello gave away precious advantages to Dee that would prove costly in the extreme as the free-swinging blonde successfully made the fight an improvisational brawl. Annette despite her film rep would always look better in a ring, and there was certainly no love lost between the two after this bitter exchange.

Reposted by Archer 8/22/09.