Posted by simguy on 2/18/2005

Before: Lacey bristling at a Tractorpull suggestion that she lacks class as a professional fighter, answers back in prefight. "That's not fair," Lacey insists. "You can't compare me to someone like Megan Fox - I've been in with the toughest celebrity competition in my weight class - Megan's been feasting on ham and egg. Sure I've lost a few tight, hotly contested bouts, but I'm actually not too impressed with what I'm seeing - as soon as I hit my stride, I truly believe I can dominate the smaller girls of the FCBA. It all starts with Christina: you're going to see a hard working Chabert, a hard punching Chabert, a take-no-prisoners Chabert, and when I'm done? Aguilera's going to wonder what the hell happened!" Christina eyeing daggers all through Lacey's commentary: enough's enough. "This chick is punch-doped. Lacey, do you have any idea who I am? I'm CHRISTINA AGUILERA honey, I'm a mess you up, girl. Can't nobody punch like 'Tina A baby, as you're about to find out. I can't wait to see the stupid look on your face when I crack you the first time, which incidentally, will also be the last time just so you know." Lacey sporty in cream crop top with tight baby doll sleeves, showy scoop front, twist-tied at the jugs, punchin' pink high waist bottoms, white shoes and socks - Christina with oily black locks, red and white striped bikini top, solid red bottoms with the words 'Li'l bad' written in script across her backside, black boxing shoes. Ring instructions: Lacey goes to touch 'em up - Chrissy shoves a rude left into Chabert's cleavage, precipitating pre-fight jostling and shrieking for a slight delay.

During R1: Aguilera collecting her dukes at her chin, loping to her left, dropping the right foot back and bending at the waist as Chabert comes out pitchin'. Lacey stepping aggressively to Christina, swishing into abrupt side to side punching - some stout connects about temples as Chris is momentarily derailed by unexpected ferocity. Midway through, Aggie gets it all back - stepping and fetching Lacey's chin a bandy-armed hook, mopping up a lathering hook to ear as Chabert's rung up on the spot. Different fight - Lacey wide-eyed, shook up, retreating - Aguilera walking her down with menace. Terrific commitment from Chris on her punches: stepping and putting her body into lanky jabs, shifting her hips and stroking hooks. Chabert's chin soaking up another slender limbed bomb in the dying moments, sending a spasm of hurt through her legs - Lace doing well to stagger into ropes for support. Bell: Aguilera positioned on Lacey's right shoulder, heartlessly shoving in right hands to crotch as poor Chabert groans forward - ref in a bad position, can't see the heinous infraction, though he jumps in to prevent further late business.

R2: Chabert blinking back tears, bravely coming forward, stepping into Christina with short, swishing lefts and rights, teeth bared. Aguilera loose, relaxed, drops the right foot and ducks under the heat, slides to the side, straightens into licking hooks - savvy ring management from the little temptress. Midway through, Chrissy circling, bouncing rangy lead rights off Chabert's face, then turning on oily hooks - she's starting to light Lacey up. Down the stretch, consistent face-pound adds up in Chabert's curvy thighs - she comes apart at the seams as Aguilera slides a greasy hook flat to liver, doubles it up into a curling left uppercut and sends Lacey drifting to all fours. Aguilera immediately scoots to Lacey's rear-end, straddles it, puts her right hand behind her head and dry humps away with a comically exaggerated expression of orgiastic satisfaction as groggy Chabert whines in feeble outrage. Ref bundles Miss Dirty away with harsh words indeed: "No humping Christina - you know better than that!"

R3: Chabert attacking with renewed vigour: humiliation like an electric jolt, galvanizing brunette. Lacey bopping on her toes, hands at chest - girlish and amateurish, but effective as 'tina turns, looking to set her feet and rip, but not getting off. Nice preemptory jabbing from Lace - she'll see Chrissy loading up a hook and just knock a poke off Aguilera's face, spoiling Chrissy's preparations. Late the round, Chabert makes a statement - wading into Aguilera with chugging left and right body punches, forcing Chrissy to ropes at the bell.

R4: Aguilera with that licking, long, sinuous hook - but Chabert seeing it better, anticipating and ducking underneath. Lacey staying compact, dukes at her cheeks as she ducks down, then going to Aguilera's waist and torso with rapid rights and lefts. Thudding staccato startling Christina - she's riding her left arm over Lacey's shoulder, trying to cuddle her close as Chabert digs away to rib.

R5: Chabert really taking it to Aguilera this round - crowd warming to curvy brunette's busy, hard working style and determination. Aguilera mouth breathing as her body comes under increasing strain - she's riding an arm over Lacey's shoulder, lazily tieing up around Lacey's head, but it's not stopping Chabert from plugging away to torso. Chabert just stepping-with, hounding Aguilera, staying on her, bumping her to ropes. Final minute, Lacey able to clip uppercuts to Christina's chin and unhinge her knees - Aguilera shabby as Chabert ROMPS TO JUG! Lacey hup-hup-hupping to Christina's plump top, pounding away on the goods as Chrissy pouts, sits in the ropes dumbfounded. Bell: Chabert scoops extra, refusing to lay off until ref bodies her away. Christina blinking back tears, staggering en route to her corner: getting titty stomped by Chabert wasn't supposed to be on the menu.

R6: Chabert making things happen in Christina's body, going there at will, staying there at will, relentlessly pounding away as Aguilera wilts along the ropes. Chris not jabbing, not doing anything to keep Chabert off and when Lacey's inside, she's going to town. Chabert dukes up, bending her knees and throwing lusty to waist, ribs, tits and chin, rattling Christina up and down. Nice compact, tidy delivery - Chabert moving her hands brisk - Aguilera just staring back, breaking down. Late the round, juicy Chabert hook on the chops rings up Aguilera's backside, sitting her stunned in the ropes - Lacey hops-to, pounding Ag's bags with greedy, shoulder-shrugging lefts and rights to the bell. Christina distraught, looking up at the ref during the break and pleading with him to stop Lacey from pounding her chest.

R7: Lacey upbeat, confident - Aguilera shabby, shopworn. Chabert with that pokey, knocking jab to Chrissy's forehead outside - looks awkward and girly, but it's doing the trick, keeping Aguilera from setting up comfy. Inside, Chabert really going after Chrissy - Lacey's compact, pumping delivery overwhelming Aguilera's lankier, stroking action. Aguilera's punches frequently loop around Lacey's shoulders, Chris riding her arm there and lazily tieing up around Chabert's head, giving away her guts, ribs and tits on the cheap to Lacey's greedy mitts. During the break: an Aguilera PR type approaches the Chabert corner with instructions for Lacey to 'back off a little'! 3 piece suit guy gets boot in the ass and sent on his way - unprecedented Diva move from Aguilera's camp.

R8: Christina relying solely on her hook, getting good spank off Lacey's rightside ribs and hip. Chabert coming in compact, willing to absorb lathering blows on her lats to get into Aguilera's slender waist and beefy rack. Mauling, slogging pace - Aguilera loose, licking with her shots, palming up and stepping back to get room, Lacey crowding forward to take room away - tap-tap-tapping away to Aggie's torso.

R9: Aguilera regains the stroke, ringing Chabert up juicy a scything hook across chops early, nearly flooring her with follow-on gancha hooks to liver. Lacey groaning, hunched forward behind her gloves - Chrissy able to extend and lather away across Chabert's back, going where Gellar went so successfully. Lace reaching for Aggie's hips, hauling her into clinches - Chabert learning how to manage when hurt, not allowing the other girl to swing away. Late the round, Aguilera scoring again and again with hooks to Chabert's trunks and liver - poor Lacey groaning forward paralyzed, but bravely refusing to go down. Bell: Aguilera passes close by Lacey's right shoulder and shoves a cheap right hand to crotch - Chabert shouting in pain, bunching up as Chrissy nonchalantly saunters past, shrugging, palms up as if to say "What?"

R10: Chabert tearing into Christina, pancaking her into turnbuckles and slamming away Mish Williams style. Aguilera doesn't want any of it - eyelashes fluttering, arms reaching weakly over Chabert's back as Lacey's fists gobble up the goods. Chabert refusing the clinch with smart knee bends, getting low, punching in rapid right/left sequences, gradually straightening to ring Aguilera up hip to head. Chrissy breaking down badly - non-stop punching to her tender body has her numb, stupified. Constant jug-mugging not doing Aguilera ANY good - she's windblown, sullen, riding her left arm over Chabert's shoulder as Lacey swabs away swishing right/lefts. Down the stretch - Aguilera dukes at the temples, rooted hurt to the spot: Chabert sets her feet, starts going to the waist with ripping intensity. Thick left hooks shiver home, spanking rights - Aggie just tilting into it breathless, not answering back and CHRISTINA GOES DOWN! Devastating body blows have Chrissy open-mouthed in anguish - she sits back on her haunches, head thrown back, arms hugging throbbing midsection and it's OVER! Final minute KO10 Lacey Chabert as she uses up every last drop of Aguilera.

After: Resounding Lacey Chabert victory - shaking off early strapping punches from Chris to steadily roll the singer up. Chabert playing to the crowd, bubbly with victory, then hungrily looking Christina's way as Aguilera's conduct during the fight DEMANDS redress. HBO techs johhny-on-the-spot with that Swan Lake tape - we'll have to rely on Samdog newshawks to relay any post-fight shenanigans.