Posted by Simguy on 10/18/2008, 12:09 am.

Before: “I’ll hurt her, and hurt her quickly,” a cold-blooded Natalie states in preflight, “I don’t want her getting out for the second round much less the tenth. Lindsay’s too tall for me to box, and her jab’s too good: like it or not, I have to penetrate and punch in this one. I have to go for the KO, no doubt about it.” Linds taken aback by Natalie’s hardheartedness, but it ain’t show-friends, it’s show-business. Mission accomplished for Kris Kreuk as she successfully turns former stablemates against each other with the lure of title gold. “Looks like Nat’s got her game face on,” Lindsay smiles, “so I need to have mine. Even at BSE, I think Natalie could feel I had overtaken her as a fighter--I can understand why she’s so focused now. The bottom line is--if she comes in on me, she’ll get hit, and she can’t take my punch, if she stays outside to try to nibble me--I’ll pick her apart. Any way you slice it, we’re looking at the end of an era: I just never thought it would be my fists finishing up Natalie’s career as a main event fighter.” Lohan in jaunty nautical bikini--navy top with bold brass ring connection, white bottoms with baby-blue diagonal stripes and little anchors; small white workout gloves; crown braid keeping long blonde hair off her face. Natalie in navy bandeau bikini with sporty boy-leg bottoms; small black workout gloves; hair in tidy battle bun.

During R1: Natalie pouncing to--slicing in past Lohan’s jab to score clipping, lead right hands chopped tight to jaw. Linds on heels early--wide-eyed; several early blitzes for Natalie yield scoring blows--all short-chop right hands to jaw. Second minute--with Lohan dazzled--Natalie continues to dart in, but now she’s sticking around. Portman fighting off Lohan’s chest--ripping up-torso with batting lefts and rights, then cleaning up on Lohan’s face. Natalie’s eyes fearsome-hard: any regrets she’s having are buried way down deep, She’s going chin on Lohan, backing her up, hurting her. Lindsay stumbling, can’t handle the buzz saw in close--she’s trying to step out, get distance, then lean into right hands, but setting up’s taking too long.. Portman absolutely brilliant negotiating height, taking it away from Linds, then carving her up with flurries in close. Bell to bell Natalie leaves Lohan staring in confusion, all rung up, Kreuk and Co. laughing, pointing from ringside, just having a grand old time watching Lindsay squirm.

R2: No respite: portman quickly past Lohan’s jab again, hurtling into Lindsay’s chin with the short, tomahawk right hand to jaw. Lohan backpedaling again, eyes distressed: she’s rocked, wobbly butt. Portman seething, surging now--she darts inside, shoeshines Lindsay’s bulging breasts: hooks Lindsay’s liver, then; comes up top with a tangy left/right, toggling Lindsay’s chin. Too much hand speed in close--Lindsay tottering backwards, hands low: Natalie hops in ANOTHER chop right hand, getting her back into it as bends forward, smiting jaw again. Lohan hits ropes, bounces forward, baby-stepping. Portman crouches, feinting a right hand to the body, but she straightens, hops in a hook to chin instead, tucking it in nice and tight to jaw as Lindsay’s stooping forward to receive the phantom body shot. Gorgeous Shane-Mosely type hook--Portman jamming it onto chin as she steps clos, getting her shoulder in behind it, then pushing Lohan off with the left hand. LINDSAY SPRAWLS TO HER BACK! Lohan crashing to canvas, hands flung up over her head--IT”S OVER! KO-freaking-2 as promised--Natalie Portman!

After: Natalie coldly turning away from Lohan-rubble: best just to part ways here and now rather than trying to make up after this sensational wipe out,. Lindsay groaning , laying where she was dropped, chest shuddering as she breaks into heartbroken sobs on the canvas. She’s distraught, now with hands on her face, knees up as she lies on her back; now slamming her fists down onto the canvas in groggy tantrum, sending fresh tremors through her breasts. Nearby Kreuk, Mish and Claire crowd the apron, taking pictures with their cell-phones and calling out to shell-shocked Lindsay. Mean.

“I’ve said before, and I think it now, that Lindsay Lohan’s the best stand up, conventional boxer in the division,” Natalie offers post fight, “Claire’s more elusive, but Lohan hits harder--boxing Linds was never an option for me. I knew I had to gamble with her, and I knew I could take advantage of a couple of her bad habits. She’s got a lazy first step--she would’ve corrected that later in the fight--but I know she’s sloppy early, so I knew I could get in on her. It was a matter of hurting her, and when she started to back up, I knew I was getting things done. Mixed emotions of course--yes, I’m thrilled to put her on her back and not sustain any damage myself, but it was also one of the hardest things I;ve ever had to do in my boxing career, and I know I’ve lost a friend tonight. I know I don’t have anything written in stone with Kreuk, hut I’d dearly love to pay her back for this little episode. I’ve seen her loitering ringside with her dogs, tainting Lindsay, and it’s disgusting. I’d love to give Kris a taste of what I dosed Lohan with tonight.” Natalie obviously still very, very relevant at 110.

Reposted by Archer 10/3/10.