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18 September 2009 Jenny McCarthy vs Lisa Rinna

Page history last edited by Archer844 14 years, 6 months ago

Boxing On Cougar Beach

 

Posted by Sceej Boxing on 9/18/2009, 1:13 pm

(For those interested, following bout was dice simulated by Sim, though written up by Sceej, result, tempo, etc are Simguy)

 

Cougar Beach promoter extraordinaire Jenny O’Dell subtly pressing all the right buttons to lure old rival and current top ten bantam Jenny McCarthy into doing a beach card; leaking to press that there had been talks but J-Mac had expressed concerns about fighting beach veteran Lisa Rinna. Mac the Knife played like a fiddle and signs on the dotted line. Further drama when Sceej Boxing adamant that regulation ring be installed on cougar beach: Rinna’s people arguing that real beach fights take place on sand (knowing full well that sand can be great equalizer for foot speed – no one is too quick or shifty on sand). Sceej Boxing adamant and O’Dell pressures Rinna as opportunity is slipping away. Fight takes place in regulation ring assembled on Malibu beach volleyball courts. Rinna’s 40+ hardbody and recent success makes believers on betting public; J-Mac a modest 3-1 favorite. Split crowd. Fired up Lisa Rinna marching toward ring to ringing tones of 80s’ band Scandal’s “The Warrior” to healthy applause. Blonde tweaks Rinna by making her wait in ring looooong time after her music is over – her smaller but raucous contingent erupts at sounds of a standup base and crooning voice, “Oh the shark bites … with his teeth, dear … and he shows them … pearly white …”

Tense stare down mid ring as referee gives instructions – Rinna still smoldering over Jenny’s “environmental impact” crack about her famous lips and delayed ring entrance. J-Mac smirking in response. Rinna, toned beach body and glowing tan well set off in white push up bra and bottoms, black gloves and ring shoes. Jenny rockin the red – red bikini top, bottoms with brass rings at hip, small red puncher’s glove, red boots to mid calf with tassels (knowledgeable ringsider’s speculate Jenny’s gonna showcase foot speed?). Stablemates Gena Lee Nolin and Adrianne Palicki, working McCarthy corner as seconds (Jenny O’Dell comments “Can never have TOO many hot blondes to pack a house!”), Courtney Cox, not technically part of Rinna corner, but on or near ring apron constantly – she has history with McCarthy (including a victory by slick boxing decision) and looking to pass on the word.

Round 1: Both girls on toes, classic stance. Lisa probing with jab, Jenny lighter on feet, circling and denying significant contact. Jenny disdaining the jab early, looking to score with right hand leads. Rinna a cagey fox … not buying it. Slips the rights and looks to counter with left hook. Final minute, Rinna claps one solid off Jenny jaw that brings crowd o feet, then tactical mistake as she steps back to assess damage. Blonde shakes head ‘no’, grins and juts out jaw invitingly, taunting Lisa. Lisa hot and sloppy, Mac’s under her skin! Fires left right combo into McCarthy guard. Jenny back with solid speedy four punch combination – left hook to body, back up to the head, overhand right (partially blocked), and thumping left hook to waist and then disengages. Lisa seethes as Mac sticks out tongue then plays to crowd, she knows that she let McCarthy steal the round with that flurry.

Round 2: Jenny a little more limber, arms dangling lower, inviting Rinna in with left hand when brunette looks to just box from outside. Blonde foot speed making it hard for cougar to find range with jab. Dropping mitts from cheeks to sides of chin, Rinna looks to slug. Jenny stands ground for series hot exchanges mid-round that get crowd roaring. Both girls protecting chins at cost of some thumping body whacks. Final minute – fighters with chins on respective shoulders, trading body shots, McCarthy corner yelling for movement, when Jenny twists a right uppercut that lifts the Rinna chin, followed by lightning left hook that drops startled Rinna on her ass. Rinna up quickly at two, more flash knockdown than anything else. Rinna looking to make statement back, loads up right hand – Jenny slips, pivots left, snaps right hand lead and brunette stumbles off balance. J-Mac on her fast, fakes right lead and then doubles left uppercut, drops Rinna AGAIN! Rinna taking a little more time on canvas, waits til eight on one knee, then on her feet and on her bicycle. Jenny quicker legged, cuts ring, finds Lisa with jab and then shoulder bumps her into ropes. MAC WANTS RACK! Startling display of hand speed as McCarthy foregoes possible finisher to try to claim brunette heart. Hands blazing as she pounds firm cougar jug up through (and past!) bell. Big wink from Jenny at a shaken Rinna when scolding ref steps in. 10-8 round McCarthy.

Round 3: Lisa comes out in tight guard, can’t count on legs to outrun younger blonde, pawing with jab to try to maintain distance. Mac the Knife smells the hurt; gets a little reckless, just walking through Rinna’s tentative jab. Big right hand leads, looking to take her out with one shot, but girl does not stay in fight game this long without learning something. Rinna slipping most of the rights, catching others on guard, then pawing jab to guide J-Mac past her and wheeling to left. Jenny begins clowning, feigning right, then chuckling at exaggerated brunette flinch … then drawing imaginary line in center of ring and theatrically looking for Lisa to step up. Still wounded cougar to cagy … continues to circle perimeter, flicking jab to give appearance of a fight. Slow round, probably to Jenny on sheer aggression. Some boos from crowd, unclear if response to McCarthy clowning or Rinna reluctance. Mac get’s lecture in corner about being a fighter, not a clown – Jenny rolls eyes in response. Gena Lee Nolin, in Sceej corner, chirps, “Hey Mac, its hot out here. Drop this tramp already and let’s get a margarita!” In opposite corner, Rinna getting the cold facts – took a round off to get her legs back but now down 3- love. “Can’t run anymore, Lis. She’s a punk … you hear me? A punk” hisses Cox, through ring ropes as Rinna nods in assent, “Get her inside, bang her body … no more tough girl, I promise.”

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