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2 April 2005 Catherine Zeta Jones vs Kaley Cuoco

Page history last edited by Archer844 10 years, 8 months ago

 

Catherine Zeta Jones 02.jpgKaley Cuoco 02.jpg

 

 

 

Posted by simguy on 4/2/2005, 10:09 am

 

Before: Intriguing bout - Jones' claim to be above 'auditioning' for a champion like Charisma exposed as mere fear of Jennifer O'Dell: Catherine licking her chops at the chance to lay mitts on the younger, smaller blonde gatekeeper Cuoco.

 

"I know she wants to bully me," says Kaley, "I know EXACTLY what a woman like Catherine Zeta Jones is all about. But that's why this is a terrific opportunity for me. I've never faced a star of Catherine's magnitude or experience before (slap in the face to Jennifer Connelly of course) so it's a real thrill."

 

Pundits favouring Jones, but barely - some actually feel Kaley's tireless legs pose a more difficult style test than Carpenter's wily, energy-efficient counterpunching would for the 30 something Jones.

 

Catherine in red bikini, twist tie hop, hipster bottoms, retro look completed by long, soft, straight black hair - Kaley in black bikini, ring connections at hip and jug.

 

During R1: Kaley on her toes, bouncing in and out with sudden one/twos - third time she tries it, her right hand PUTS JONES ON THE CANVAS! Catherine backpedalling and dumping awkwardly onto her backside at the ropes - glaring as she jumps up quick - saucy smile, taunting eyes from insolent Cuoco. Kaley maintains high tempo rest of the way, embarrasing Jones with handspeed in combination, footspeed on approach and escape - Cuoco untouched, dresses Jones up for 10-8 shutout.

 

R2: Jones right hand at cheek, chin tucked, moving her head and trying to find Kaley with the jab - brunette stepping in poke to chest, then quickly converting on the hook, smuggling it in tight to Cuoco's ribs. Kaley still bopping in and out, dropping her hands fearlessly as she pivots around Jones or circles well out of range. Cuoco grinning, showing no respect for legendary brunette: Jones cheeks blazing crimson as kaley's all-American attitude grates.

 

R3: Cuoco stooping in sudden belly jabs, scooting away to either side, bopping outside prettily, circling to fresh angles - her legs really outclassing Jones in early action. Catherine turning, eyes cold, body compact - she's actually starting to do a good job of managing Cuoco's strafing runs, but midway through, Kaley feints the right, jumps in that Krista Allen lead left uppercut to send Jones reeling once again. Gaudy, eye catching punch enough to carry the round - Catherine starting to find her range however, hooking Cuoco's body fairly consistently off the jab.

 

R4: CZJ: slips Kaley's shearing right, carries into Cuoco's midsection with a full-bodied stuffing right, bumps Kaley a tuff shoulder inside and hooks her chin as Cuoco's stomping backwards: KALEY GOES DOWN! Cuoco bouncing to a stop, eyes wide - she scrambles up quick, takes a clear-eyed 8 and digs in to receive Jones' charge. Best two way action of the fight - Kaley stationary, dukes up - she's shoulder to shoulder, swapping tidy with CZJ on the inside. Jones right hand at cheek, left across her gut, using the nudging left shoulder to bump and measure: she's ripping hooks across Kaley's abs, wedging lefts into Kaley's ribs and chopping those under-rated right hands to Kaley's chin. Cuoco responding with slicing hooks to tits, and sneaky-quick uppercuts both mitts, picking up Jones' chin. Bell: Kaley relaxes - Jones steps into the hardest hook of the whole exchange, slumping Cuoco stunned in the ropes. Boos from the crowd - blistering finger-waggle from the ref - Jones tugs her arm free of the man's grasp and stomps back all angry-butt to her corner as Cuoco shakes off the foul.

 

R5: Shutout Jones. Artful jabs paving the way for Jones to snuggle inside - she's fighting off Kaley's chest, tucking and swatting punches in close. Jones tearing up Kaley's proud waistline, nibbling below the trunk line but avoiding flagrant fouls down there. Cuoco laying in, tasting Jones' strength, getting walked around - good muscular stuff from Catherine, working Kaley over bell to bell.

 

R6: Shutout Cuoco. Kaley loping outside, using the ring, slashing in from way outside and escaping while Jones is still covered up. Not a lot of damage done, but Jones clearly troubled by the agility - she's got clever feet and hands, but lacks this kind of wide ranging mobility.

 

R7: Shutout Jones. CZJ stabilizing Kaley with the jab, easing inside on her, then going to work. Snap-snatching punches lick and tuck into Kaley's tits, ribs, lats, tidy up her breadbasket, worry her hips. Jones bumping, slugging, walking Kaley around - just a good, persistent drubbing that has a wearing effect on lithe blonde. Kaley open mouthed, leaning forward behind her guard, cringing at sharp flank-spank either side, looking grumpy as Jones has her methodical way.

 

R8: Shutout Jones. CZJ jabbing at the right times, distances, then crowding - Kaley stubbornly grinding away guard-on-guard and noggin-on-noggin, convinced she can outwork Jones inside. Not happening: Kaley's rolling combos bump off Jones' arms and elbows as Catherine rolls, blocks. Jones punching much more hurtful, finding tummy and rib more consistently and carving uppercuts starting to bang Kaley's head back up off her gloves. Kaley's doughy jugs getting bludgeoned - Jones swatting away short n' savage. Bell: Jones hooks Kaley square in the trunks just because - howl of protest from blonde as corners flood the ring; bedlam ensues.

 

R9: Kaley responds tuff to the bullying - absorbing another good mugging Jones first minute, then going over to offense as Catherine takes a rest. Cuoco back outside, showing pretty: she'll drill Jones the sharp lead right with no warning, lead with hooks, backhand the jab - Catherine locked up tight behind her guard, wary of matching reflexes with athletic blonde. Kaley peppering, potshotting, stepping around at angles - she's even getting into Jones' paunch some sloping straight right hands that have Catherine stepping back, scowling.

 

R10: Furious exchange at the open - girls end by biting down on hooks and KALEY GETS ROCKED! Cuoco reeling straight back into the ropes, hurt badly this time - Jones prowling in, flutter-jabs up top and stakes all on a driving right hand to midriff that doubles Kaley up HURRRRT! Jones tight, crisp - snapping left hooks and uppercuts against Kaley's shoulder and forehead - short shrugging blows clipping and skidding off wounded blonde. Kaley rolling her torso, moving her head: Jones shifts to fight off Cuoco's right shoulder, the better to fit merciless right hands flat to blonde gut. Kaley heady though hurt - clinching now, slowing the assault - Catherine pushed back by ref's breaks and forced to re-establish. Cuoco suffers, especially to the body, but she manages with savvy head-and-arm hook-ups, getting out of the round as Jones romps to shutout. Comes back a tractorpull special: DRAW!

 

After: Jones' lawyers IMMEDIATELY filing an injunction to get the title shot finalized - arguing that a draw against a gatekeeper is ipso-facto a 'win' as defined in negative terms, ie: not-losing vis-a-vis...you get the picture. "I demand Charisma come to terms with me," says a puffy, scuffed-up, well-worn Jones in postfight. "I toyed with this tawdry little strumpet tonight and clearly demonstrated my supremacy over her. If Kaley was meant to be a test, I consider it passed with a shout."

 

Kaley on the verge of going out late, dropped and rocked in this fight: she's positively beaming in the aftermath! "Are you kidding? I fought Catherine Zeta Jones to a standstill - I'm on top of the world! She's a rough old boot for sure, but I really thought I dominated her for stretches tonight and I feel great about that. Most importantly, I took her punch like a champ - I mean, I'm not happy I got caught, but when she got there, I stood up to it, you know?" No word from BSE as of press time on the status of Jones' challenge.

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