Posted by Simguy on 7/2/2004, 7:30 am

Before: Moore reportedly on a probationary try out with the Krushers—last seen in life and death struggles against Mischa Barton and “Dawson’s Creek” tall cutey (name escapes me). Jewel a prohibitive favourite, Moore with height and reach, but woefully underseasoned for a banger like Kilcher—most books refuse to give odds on a consensus heinous mismatch. Kilcher in a teal bandeau tankini, slick ponytail—Moore ion black bikini top, black nylon jogging trunks, black tousle.

During R1L Awkward, start n’stop action with Moore reeling arounf the ring to avoid Jewel’s sudden rushes—Kilcher having early problems getting past gangly brunette’s reach. Moore not setting her feet, pushing punches onto jewel rather than snapping them—nuisance scrub nevertheless has Kilcher missing and stumbling in her zeal to get the KO. Jewel showing no respect and little discipline—wild swinging misses crowd-pleasing, but ineffective. Moore making tepid contact, often inadvertently headlocking up on Jewel as a result of rubbing side to side action, but scoring points nonetheless—Mandy takes a sloppy first.

R2: Kilcher still swinging and missing in the first minute—Moore very leggy, awkward, not hurting the rugged Alaskan, but disorienting her all the same. Second minute—Jewel settling down, not lunging—now she’s bringing her feet with her, scooting closer and getting shorter, heavier punches off—bashing right hand over Moore’s pushy jab drops Mandy to her right hip with a flabbergasted expression. Kilcher scowling as the takes the neutral corner—Mandy takes 8, digs in. Final minute, Jewel in her wheel house—setting up on Mandy’s chest, keeping her hands inside Moore’s shoulders, using her head like a third mitt to keep Moore’s chin up there and Jewel’s  tearing it up. Mandy trying to extend long arms and push Jewel off—brunette getting clouted and clubbed upside the head and ripped something fearful under the breastline—Jewel putting together evil punches in close to leave Mandy on boneless legs at the bell.

R2: Moore routed, pushing out the don’t-hurt-me jab—Kilcher stalking, gloves at her chin, bending side to side as she scoots forward. End of minute one, Jewel with another bludgeoning right hand over Moore’s extended left clocks the kid’s head hard to port—Mandy jerked a quarter turn to her right and sent staggering head long into the ropes, jewel in hit pursuit, Kilcher POUNDING here way into Mandy’s torso with straight, crisscross lefts and rights, Gatling Gun effect has Moore’s head bobbing, knees knocking. Jewel staying close, bending her knees and getting off savage—shattering series of lefts and rights crash off Moore’s chin, putting her head on a swivel and draping her dreamy against the ropes. Mandy out in her feet, very erect, hands low, chin up, eyes fluttering shut—she’s helpless as Jewel keys on the jawline with murderous wallop. Blonde gets a few freebies in—Moore getting shellacked, stiffening, then pooling under Kilcher’s wanton punching. Torrid KO3 Jewel Kilcher.

After: Yep—heinous. Moore showing that with greater fitness and composure she could present difficulties with her rangy build, but Kilcher’s full court press just too much for the kid at this point. Jewel taking a celebratory strut, hands high and waving, blonde beaming, blowing kisses—lends a little credence to cynics who suggest Moore might have been brought in to prop up Kilcher’s confidence by taking the kind of poleaxing she did tonight.

Reposted by Archer 8/13/09.