Originally posted by Simguy on 8/20/2005, 9:33 am/

Before: Kaley upbeat, pumped at the thought of Jen Garner head of head: “I’m a huge fan of hers as a fighter,” Cuoco admits, “and I’d like to be considered as one of the best athlete-fighters out there, along with Jen, Biel, O’Dell, maybe Allen and so on. Those type of girls and that type of fighting is going to define my career. When you really look at it, I know I could beat Jennifer in a lot of sports—I don’t see why I can’t outbox her!”

Garner grumpy—taste of Kelly Brook still in her mouth, now an eager young pup like Cuoco nipping at her heels—Jen definitely in one of her moods for this fight. Video of Garner camp particularly alarming: she’s chomping through no-name starlets at an astounding rate, really handing out some wince-making beatdowns. On Kaley: “Look, I don’t know that this kid beats a Lisda Rinna type, you know? When exactly did she pay her dues to get with me? I’ve been working with Eliza Dushku a lot for this fight—just  on maintaining my focus for all three minutes, especially when I’ve got a girl hurt. Kaley’s gonna get the benefit of my expertise in this fight.”

Cuoco in baby blue push up, matching boy cut trunks, ponytail with long bang framing her face—Jen in crimson sport cut top, buy cut trunks, tight battle braid with bangs framing her face. Garner refusing to touch gloves with Kaley, giving Cuoco a frigid shoulder instead.

R1: Kaley measuring the jab, jumps in a lead hook: Garner seen it on tape, huddles up to block it and answers a short, cloluting hook off her right foot and DOWN GOES CUOCO! Kaley wide eyed—she gets to her knees THEN PITCHES FACE FIRST INTO THE ROPES! Kaley down again, flopping and spasming—finally scrambles up as the ref takes a good long look. Jen Garner stomps forward: chin tucked, dukes up. Kaley hurt, right beneath her chin, left across her gut—Garner just raking her short, sharp punches. JG doubling the hook, spanking it against Kaley’s right bicep/jug area, clapping her ear, digging in behind the elbow. Short, pounding right hands—Jen just turning her shoulder into the shot, bashing back Kaley’s face. Jenny so well balanced, knees bent, bringing her hands back snappy and getting off ratatat combos—it’s all too much. Cuoco wilts to her knees, panting for breath half way through as Garner struts to neutral corner, eyes blazing. Final minute mop up the same stuff—Jenny just raking Kaley at the ropes, never falling in or getting too close—punching and knuckling Kaley back to reset her as necessary. Bell: Garner expressionless as she turns away and stomps angry-butt to her corner: Kaley fighting back tears, mincing back to her corner SHABBY.

R2: Cuoco’s legs not back—Jennifer takes advantage, Garner attacking behind the piston jab, putting the hook on top—Jenny’s left hand spanking hard on that right bicep/jug region, biting against Kaley’s chin, digging firm behind the right elbow. Cuoco open-mouthed, dreamy eyed—she’s wafting to the ropes, staring, sliding to her right—Garner stepping-with, finding her with jabs and putting punches together in typical machine-like fashion. Banging shutout Jenny G—she’s ringing Kaley up through 2.

R3: Cuoco proves a warrior, fighting back hard off the ropes early to finally make Garner use some footwork. Kaley snarling with effort—good churning combinations inside—when she lets the hands go, she’s just as sharp with her sequences as the brunette. Garner opens up the canvas, extending her jab and circling more—wants to see how Kaley handles range. Tactical look as vixens feint and parry, advance and fade with each other. Garner controlling the action, pulling the strings, but Kaley’s getting her game together after that catastrophic opening.

R4: Same again—Jennifer whittling away behind her jab, patiently lumping up the left side of Kaley’s face, choosing spots to come in and snap off combinations. Cuoco choosing to take breathers at long range rather than working to get position—she’s saving herself for when Garner angles in, hoping to compete in the torrid exchanges. Stop and go stuff initiated by Jennifer—pattern punching by both women digging up tummies, finishing on chins—good crowd pleasing fare. Bell: Cuoco shaking out her right arm, winching—Jennifer’s been pounding that bicep verrrry diligently tonight.

R5: Jenny showing the influence of Eliza—jabbing ti Kaley’s body, then trying to hook her mouth while pivoting left. Cuoco reacting crisply now, hooking with and pivoting—very balletic stuff at times as girls shift around each other, Girls trade right hands, come back with hooks—Kaley not afraid to punch with Jennifer in these exchanges, Cuoco going to Garner’s firm, muscular paunch, focused, sharp—banging out her combinations, raking Kaley hooks and crosses, still taking the fight to the blonde for the most part. KLaley getting enswell on left eye during the break, massage on that right arm, ice against the ribs: she’s getting the full body treatment from  Jen tonight.

R6: Kaley puts forth her best effort, besting Jen at her own game for the first time, Rapid hup-hup exchanges as the girls get shoulder to shoulder—gloves bashing off taut bellies, firm chests, stout ribs—Cuoco bookending the exchanges and backing Jen up. Kaley over to offense, jabbing Jen insolently between the eyes turning on greasy right hands that Garner barely rolls away from—Cuoco doubling up Daniel-style on the right to catch Jenny with the second poke. Garner outboxed, outworked this round, goes back to her corner with a thundercloud at her brow—barking for water and fuming during the break.

R7: Jennifer puts together jabs, short hand right hands upstairs, ripping hooks to the body with such awesome ferocity--Kaley Cuoco can’t hold her ground. Kaley drilled and pounded as she staggers to the ropes—she’s staring in astonishment, legs freezing up, body cramping—these are the hardest, most vicious punches she’s ever sustained in pro competition, Garner’s eyes absolutely pitiless, chilling—she’s locked in, body humming like an Enzo on the straight away—legs, hips, back working in perfect concert with fists and arms to hammer at poor Kaley. Hooks rake Kaley’s right bicep/jug, numbing her. Right hands pound against Kaley’s eye, stunning her. Hooks tug the chin and dig the ribs, fitting in snug behind the elbow. Midway through, it’s all too much—Kaley sinking, sinking, goes breathless to all fours, eyes hollow from punishment. Jennifer lifts mitts and walks away with KO…but NO! Kaley Cuoco fights her way up off her knees, lolling against the ropes in a fog—Jennifer Garner stone-faced, recognizing what the kid is daring her to do. Tragic 8, then ON COMES JENNIFER GARNER! Cuoco fans watching the carnage through their fingers as Jennifer Garner sells her soul to get Kaley out of there. Double hooks are shredding Kaley now—bat-batting at her shaking her up, The pounding right hands are smashing Kaley’s face aside, bloodying her nose, belting the mouthpiece off her gums, leaving her eyes staring and lifeless. And those hooks underneath! Jennifer getting onto her front foot and HOISTING those beauties in: she’s punching Kaley’s body like its very existence is an insult. DOWN GOES KALEY! DOWN GOES~KALEY! Cuoco sprawling at last, taking all she can, then just a little bit more—Jennifer Garner strides away, glancing down over her right shoulder just to make sure Cuoco’s not going to fight THIS off. KO7 in brutal fashion—Jennifer Garner.

After: Kaley brought around in stages—she’s very tender, expression vacant and JENNIFER WANTS MORE! Out of nowhere—Garner bulling her way in, reaching under Kaley’s arms and hauling her up with a whimper of protest from Cuoco—cascade of boos as frowning Jen takes conquered blonde for a walk of shame! Kaley’s dazed head lolling, cheeks shiny with tears—she’s kind of idolized Garner and this is absolutely heartbreaking. Garner scowling at ringsiders, being very rough with Kaley as she tugs the young beauty around—she finally shoves Cuoco into a neutral corner, takes a firm grip of waistband in the left hand, while gesturing vividly with her right index finger. Kaley blinking as Jennifer issues a stern rebuke—like an angry stepmother scolding an unwanted burden

“A lot of veterans will do this,” notes of columnist for Celebrity Ring. “Jennifer Connelly reacted to Kaley like this, Cat Bell has occasionally looked to put a stamp on particular girls and certainly garner has had her hardhearted moments in the past. Kaley Cuoco rubs these girls the wrong way because she’s a threat and she’s very ambitious. Jennifer’s just trying to leave an imprint, making sure Cuoco knows who the big dog is here.”

Reposted by Archer 5/17/09.