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21 Aug 2006 Jennifer Love Hewitt vs Jessica Simpson

Page history last edited by Dradis 14 years, 11 months ago

Posted by simguy on 8/21/2006

 

Before: Plenty of claimants to the JMD throne, but surely the two acknowledged crown-princesses must be Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Simpson. "Check the record books," Hewitt shrugs in prefight, oozing supremacy. "You'll see I've dominated Jessica throughout her career and I'll continue to do so in the future. The JMD title really only confirms what we've known all along: Simpsy's jugs don't measure up. When the dust settles, I'll have her all snuggled up tight - don't you worry."

 

Simpson wriggling in objection - fuming and fretting in her chair: just the sight of Hewitt so close enough to put Jess on edge. "Everyone knows this title was invented with me in mind," Simpson alledges. "Hewitt's just shabby jug-fodder - I'm going to smash her! I promise my fans right here and now: my jugs will stop Jennifer Love's jugs in this fight - I guarantee it!"

 

Jessica in punching pink Dukes bikini, white aerobics runners and sneakers, white gloves. JLH in lime green "Juicy" bikini, white aerobics runners and sneakers, white gloves, long black ponytail with bangs. Fuming stare-down: instead of touching-up gloves, the girls press the left mitt against respective jugs before turning away to await the opening bell.

 

During R1: Butts back, chests forward, teeth bared, eyes squinting, heads turned to the side as hustling, bumping, rubadubdub lefts and rights scrub back and forth to offending jug - crowd roaring with delight as both girls pour it to the other with mindless hup-hup early. Frenzied action sees both girls bumped off balance, staggering slightly, replanting curvy legs and jamming away straight left/rights again - bumper-car slugging at it's jiggly best has boxing purists pursing lips in disapproval. Fight bumbles to ropes - Simpsy on top - Jennifer frowning as she's shoved awkwardly onto her heels, back against the cables, starting to give it up to Jessica just a little bit. Midway mark - Simpsy's buffetting attack has Hewitt cowering - brunette turning her right shoulder into the ropes and doubling over, presenting her left side to Jess: well-schooled blonde immediately rides her left forearm across Hewitt's upperback, leaning weight onto brunette and PLUGGING righty to hip, flank, and even jug in behind that protective left tricep. HEWITT TAKES A KNEE! Breathless - Jenny Love goes down, right hand in ropes for support - Jess stands, panting, then stoops, shoving awkward right hands down onto Jenny's head/shoulder and RIDING HEWITT TO CANVAS! Hewitt bawling in outrage, sprawled on her belly as Jessica writhes atop her - Simpson lieing cross-body, gets up on her knees, her left hand braced in the small of Jennifer's back and SIMPSY'S MINDLESSLY PLOWING JENNIFER'S BACKSIDE! Lime green bottoms jumping under the buffett of Simpsy's white glove - chugging pump applied as Jess rigorously operates the reaming punching motion - Jennifer propping up on her elbows screeching in complaint. Ref finally moves in to bodily lift blonde kicking and snarling off her flattened foe. Long delay as Jen's given a moment, Jessica's given a warning, then action resumes. Torrid, random, constant slugging as the girls wade in, close their eyes and plow away faces and jug, careening all around the ring, bouncing off ropes like little pinballs. Crowd screaming in lowest-common-denominator glee: both vixens delivering JMD brawling at it's most senseless in a jam-packed first.

 

R2: BOOOO! BOOOO! Crowd turning ugly as Hewitt comes out with a JAB - knocking Jess on her forehead and pivoting prettily to the left as Simpsy's left gnashing her teeth. BOOOO! BOOOOO! Hewitt circling, back straight, ponytail brushing her backbone as she steps - now she's placing firm, straight right hands into the cleft of Simpson's jugs off the jab - extending on the punch, refusing to wade into Jessi as per accepted JMD protocol. Simpson swinging furious right hands at Hewitt's chin - but brunette sidestepping or backpedalling, making blonde miss, then actually counterattacking from angles: it's not cheating exactly, but it's not what the crowd paid for either - BOOOOO! Unpopular, but Jennifer boxes out the round beautifully, smiling smugly at a frustrated, rosey-cheeked Simpson after bell - ref has to restrain Jessica from jumping her preening foe as Hewitt struts to her stool.

 

R3: Cheers resume - Hewitt takes the fight to Simpson, changing up tempo and driving li'l blonde jiggler into Krusher corner with left/rights chugging underhand to tummy. Simpsy all bunched up and grimacing - Hewitt really bumping that paunch, then muscling Jessica into an upright position to better pummell those puppies. Hewitt squaring her feet, plunging into Jessica's cleavage with pumping, straight-chugging lefts and rights - THIS is the all-in, mindless hup-hup people wanted to see from Hewitt. Jessica shouting and whimpering as she soaks the beating - constant criss-cross thump-thump buffetting her face and breasts, pushing her up against the ropes. Simpsy being shelled, but refusing to turn away to give up her flank or back: Jess well schooled in this stuff, knows that as bad as this is, getting bodied-up on and pounded is worse. Midway through, Simpson able to get off her herself - just senseless two-way scrubbing, girls falling into each other as they slug off balance, then push-off to restart mayhem. Down the stretch, action gets so sloppy the girls are falling down, then immediately grappling with each other - brawling tawdry on their knees, or pushing one another down and shoving in repeat right hands to the squirming body underneath. Impossible to call the knockdowns - all ref can do is reach down and haul the top-girl off, carry her away and chastise her. Bell: eyes blazing, chests heaving, legs trembling from exhaustion - ref has to work overtime to keep the girls from groggily wading into each other during the break. On her stool, Simpsy's a little blubbery, face puffy from Hewitt's relentless scrubbage - Jessica's soothed by Kim Basinger who wipes the kid's eyes and says: "You were great Jessi - really brave. You faced into her, you didn't give up your back, you took the pasting and gave it right back to her. You're tuffer, Jess - she knows it, you know it - just get out there and get after it!"

 

R4: Both girls open-mouthed, running on empty as they lurch up off stools - walking halfway to each other with hands at their sides, then slowly bringing them up chest-high just before impact. Boffo back and forth erupts - girls trading bumping licks to faces and jugs, staggering one another in turn, falling into and off of each other. Pell-mell walloping favours Jessica - Hewitt unable to hold her canvas, hits ropes with a whine as SIMPSY PILES ON! Jessica pushing at Hewitt's guard, then PUMPING home thick right hands to paunch - Simps leaning in with the left hand on Jen's elbow while swinging her lustiest rights to the body. Pink bikini bottoms just a-jumpin' as Jess shifts and slugs - driving into Hewitt with jackhammer jiggle, wrenching a sob of protest from the beleagured brunette. Hewitt trying to battle back, but she can't match Jessica's ferocity - pink bikini all OVER green as Hewitt covers her face, leans into the ropes, then turns her right shoulder into the cables to double herself over. Jessica immediately reacting as trained: body weight on top of Hewitt's upperback, leaning on that left forearm; right hands CHUGGING into warm brunette beef - white mitt spanking loud off thigh, hip, flank and back. Crowd roaring - Hewitt helpless, just cringing as Jessica pours herself to the task and JENNIFER GOES DOWN! Jen weeping piteously - trying to pull herself up the ropes, but right hand squirts through, leaving her momentarily fouled in the strands instead. Simpson galloping around the ring, hands high, chest jumping - she starts leaping up and down, squealing with delight as HEWITT CAN'T GET OFF HER KNEES! KO4 in rambunctious fashion - Jessica Simpson!

 

After: Simpsy can't tug her arms free of those white mitts quick enough - eagerly pushing her way through the crowd to get to Hewitt who's only now reeling shabbily on her feet. Simpson very rough with Jen, turning her around back-first to ropes, standing very close and pumping a pair of bright, spanking right hands PIK! PIK! into Jen's tummy, doubling her forward with a fresh bleat of pain, face tilted up in anguish. Bum's rush next - Jess taking Jen by her hair and bikini bottoms, twisting her around and running her out of the ring - Hewitt rolling in defeated sprawl upon her back, hugging her tummy, flexed legs up off the mat as Jess jumps down all brawny. Job of work to peel Jen up off the dark floor mats and push her roughly up against the apron: Jess jumps back up, happily pulling weeping Jen in between blonde's dangling legs which immediately scissor up to secure the victim.

 

Jessica grinning like a girl with a new doll, happy to trap struggling Jen in between her legs and hand-wrestle with her, taking the time to tire Hewitt's spirit. Fumbling, pushing hands can't keep Jess off forever - inexorably she clutches at Jen's head, pulling her in closer, finally securing a snug reverse sleeper: left arm brawny behind Jen's neck; left hand clutching right bicep; right hand palming Jennifer's skull, the extended fingers entangled in damp, matted dark locks. In come reporters bearing mics - Jess gives her post-fight off the apron with poor Hewitt struggling in the clamp, growing weaker - her whimpers and breathy moans penetrating the broadcast in muffled fashion.

 

"You know... wait a sec..."Jess says, re-locking her ankles and shifting her weight to cinch up, "there, that's better. Now: my jugs stopped her jugs - just like I promised. I knew she didn't want to fight - when she came out boxing in the second? And everyone was booing? That just gave me so much confidence because I knew I was tuffer and stronger."

 

Jen reaches her left hand back to push down on Jessica's right knee, then releases to bat the hand plaintively against the apron. The dull whapping can be heard in the background: Jessica wriggles, giving Jen a little extra cinch.

 

"I'm totally the best at this," Jess continues. "I punch and punch and I don't care what the other girl's doing - I just know I'm coming forward and that's all there is to it. I, oh wait - here:" Jess pulls Jen's clammy, pale face off tanned blonde breast with a harsh right hand clutching hair close to scalp. Simpsy grabs at the closest mic, bringing it in close, grinning as Hewitt's thick little pulling breaths and whimpers are magnified. "She's done!" Simpsy chirps sunnily as cameras roll. 

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