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21 August 2010 Winona Ryder vs Reese Witherspoon

Page history last edited by Archer844 13 years, 7 months ago

"Boxing on the Beach"

Posted by for simguy on 8/21/2010, 7:42 am

Reese Witherspoon vs. Winona Ryder (result by simguy/words by simgrrl)

Before: This bout is being promoted by Salma Hayek (the Kiana Tom of Mexico) and is held "on the beach" at Cabo San Lucas resort; the "ring" consisting of four sturdy 4x4's stuck in the sand and three loose hemp ropes designating the boxing area. Girls who have their back on the ropes won't get any support - which could play a part in strategy, tactics or just luck!

Winona Ryder rumored to have "aced" Witherspoon out of an A-list part in a major new film 'The Dilemma' - a part she's said to have 'really, really wanted' after Christina Ricci used 'influence' with a producer to get Ryder the part. Everyone assumed that's why Witherspoon is in this fight - though publicly she said she was 'forced' into it.

"It's all about 'deals'," Reese sighed. "I wanted to fight Christina Ricci, but only to jump in the rankings from wherever I am..."
(Ed. Note: she's barely ranked in the top 50!)
"...but Ricci's 'people' said if I wanted Chris, I'd have to beat Ryder first. Really? I didn't know Winona Ryder was still boxing! I thought she retired after she got out of prison."
(Ed. Note: meow!)

"She said THAT?" Winona growled. "Maybe I'll show her some prison yard moves when I get her in the ring. For someone who hadn't won a fight in a dog's age..."
(Ed. Note: Seven years...until Hayek!)
"... you'd think she'd be a LITTLE more respectful. After I kick her butt, maybe I'll challenge her to a JMD match. Oh wait... Witherspoon doesn't have what it takes to compete JMD does she!?"
(Ed. Note: MEEEOW!)

Obviously, there's no love lost between the 39 y/o Ryder and the 34 y/o Witherspoon; pretty much what you'd expect for two fighters near the bottom of the "FCBA top 50 rankings." But inside the ring, a woman's pride is all that has to be at stake; so it's definitely not 'just another day at the office' for either of these wildcats!
Winona: sheer (almost transparent) white twist-tie top, black bottom. Reese: her Academy baby blue bikini, ponytail. Black gloves and bare feet for both vixens.

During R1: Winona charging Reese, rocking the blonde with a big right uppercut! She pounds Witherspoon back on her heels with a flurry of clopping rights to the jaw. With her back on the ropes, Reese is in trouble in the first minute, almost tumbling head over heels out of the ring as the limp ropes sag! Reese having trouble as Ryder molests Reese's jugs with wide, sloppy, power shots; scuffing the rough laces over the blonde's torso. Witherspoon desperately clinches, head under Noni's chin, digging to the flanks while Noni plunder Reese's baby cleavage with upcuts. Winona mouth breathing the second minute as she's bogging down in the soft sand, allowing Witherspoon to get into her suspect midsection, then come up top to pound Noni's big soft jugs like cheap veal! Winona tries to protect her 'assets' and leaves her chin exposed! Reese lunges up out of a crossed-armed crouch to whistle a thunderous right hook to Winona's chin! Ryder's arms go limp as she falls back to the ropes where her body sways halfway out of the ring. Reese shoe-shines Noni's defenseless melons until Winona crumples to the sand, starfished flat on her back; arms and legs spread-eagled. The referee waves off a count and hurries to Ryder's aid. Witherspoon stands over her, posing for photos with the result of her fistic handiwork. KO1 Reese Witherspoon in dramatic fashion! Her Lucy Liu inspired short hook looks it could become a bread-and-butter money-maker for this blonde dynamo!

After: Reese wants some more Noni-lisciousness! Witherspoon tosses her gloves over her shoulder, storms across the ring, drags the groggy brunette to her feet, puts her in a full nelson and RAMS her swollen chest into the corner 4x4! Reese tosses Ryder's limp arms over the top rope; lifts Winona's right leg and drapes it over the middle strand then slams her forearm in Winona's back, sending shudders through her soft, nubile, body and taking the wind out of Noni's sails. Reese hammers Ryder's butt with both fists, giving it her soon-to-be famous "Caribbean Butt Bongo" workout.

After a minute or two of that nonsense, Christina Ricci comes out of Winona's corner to break it up. Seeing her, Reese steps back, eyes Winona's still jiggling glutes and nods; she's satisfied. Then spins away with a toss of blonde ponytail and exits the ring, leaving Ricci to clean up the mess she's left behind her.

"The bytch deserved an ass whuppun' after what she and her girlfriend did," Witherspoon huffed to the press before backing off and never elaborating just exactly what it was that she thought had been done. "And if she still wants to go JMD with me after what I did to her sorry melons...well, bring it on hon; my girls are more than up to the task!"

With Ryder being "unable to meet with the press due to her injuries(!)" Christina Ricci appears on her friend's behalf. "I don't know what that crazy woman was thinking!" she bellows. "You could seriously hurt somebody who's been knocked out; pulling a juvenile stunt like that. What possibly could have motivated her to PUNCH a helpless woman stung up in the ropes like that? It's insane! I'm surprised Salma Hayek put up with it and I'm going to make damm sure the sanctioning body (FCBA) not only hears about it, but gets a copy of the tape. But I guess if nobody else is going to put a stop to her, then I will. Payback is coming Witherspoon - and it's not going to be pretty, mark my words!"

Witherspoon photo: http://www.millioncelebs.com/mrskin-free/reese-witherspoon/reese-witherspoon-17.jpg

Ryder photo: http://www.bittenandbound.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/wenn1364845.jpg