Posted by Simguy on 9/22/2006, 7:19 am.

Before: Predatory, opportunistic Claire Danes licking hips at the prospect of a shopworn ‘Lishy--Danes swooping in to take advantage of blonde after a pair of grueling brawls with Neve Campbell. “Obviously, that’s the a big consideration,” says Ivy-League Danes, eyes bright. “Elisha’s taken tremendous punishment over the last few months--you could say Neve has softened her up some--but there’s still work to be done. I know the Mountees think I can’t hurt this kid, but trust me: when I need to get respect from Cuthbert, I’ll get it.” Elisha fresh-faced enough on the dais--her usual combative self--even hamming it up for Press Row  by coming to conference with duct tape over her mouth in response to management anxiety regarding her preflight chatter. “I know Claire’s shifty and sneaky,” Elisha allows, once tape removed, “but that’s not gonna get it done against me. And as for Neve, I’ve bounced right back and I could handle more Campbell right now: SHE’S the one who’s feeling neat up and cranky after those fights. Claire’s making a mistake here--she should have gone after Neve instead of me, but whatever. I’m gonna get on top and smash me some Claire Danes--it’s gonna be fun!” ‘Lishy in maple-leaf sports, solid red boy cut bottoms, white aerobics shoes/socks, red gloves with white knuckle-bar. Danes in black/white two-tined sports bra, matching boy cut trunks, white boxing slippers (no socks), white gloves with black palms.

During R1: Claire in offensive posture--weight up on that springy lead (left) leg, dragging that right toe well behind--getting off chip pity-chip-chip straight rights and lefts--hooks and left uppercuts as she bips in, out; rotates left with a rolling, sailor’s gait. Elisha grimacing under pinging fire--dukes up high, crouching and moving her head--Claire threading mitts through the defense to scuff up a pretty ingénue face. Minute mark, Danes rifles a straight right off the shoulder hard to chin--doubles it up to stagger ’Lishy back a  step: firm follow up hooks rakes across blonde ribs as Danes makes her statement. Cuthbert momentarily hurt, but battling--by the final minute, she’s coming forward behind a stubby jab, weaving side to side behind a high, airtight guard to pressurize Danes around the ring.

R2: Chippity-chip-chip-chip, Claire Danes--feisty lefts and rights tap-tapping up the middle, finding and scrubbing Elisha’s face as blonde tries to cover up, Danes getting off in flurries from that lead left foot, then pivoting to either side--effortless dragging her lead (left) foot, or shifting weight to the back foot to change distance while staying in range to torment. Danes exceptionally spring-legged--bounding out of range when she needs to, circling around frosty-eyed then tap-tapping her way back in. Cuthbert tentative--face already pinking up--she’s missed a lot of shots early and it’s making her reluctant to let her hands go the way she needs to. Late the round, Danes shoe-shining Elisha’s mouth rubadubdub lefts and rights--dragging knuckles across face--caps the sequence with a cute little sidestep-left/cuffing hook behind the head--half pushing Cuthbert to hands and knees facing the ropes. Elisha bouncing right back up, but ref backs her to ropes and gives her 8! Cuthbert stamping her foot and protesting the knockdown as Claire struts to neutral corner all smug.

R3: Danes beating Elisha to punches up top--pinging and scrubbing away at the guard, then gouging hard, sticking hooks to body via a rangy hook nunderneath. Claire able to slow the pace a bit now--touching Elisha consistently in her ribs and tummy--Danes widening her stance, setting down a little, extending her left hand to chisel and molestl, then leaning into firm, muscular right hands ticketed SMEK! Between the eyes. Elisha’s hea jolting from these blows--she’s facing into them, taking them flush, reacting late with her hands flinging up--meanwhile, Claire’s stepped to the side, eys thoughtful as she picks out her next bit of Cuthbert. This is the traditional Claire Danes slip-n’-poke: smooth pivots, supple upper body, accurate punching off the jab to salt away more points.

R4: Claire schmoozing, bamboozling, turning her foe midring, feinting and jabbing, feinting and dropping hesitation right hands, bending low and pivoting underneath receipts. ‘Lishy frowning in concentration--unable to find her elusive foe--Cuthbert pushing out tentative leather, hardly brushing Claire as Danes rolls and slips the heat. Danes chiseling her jab and placing her right hands, but she’s also shoe shining gut and bra--enjoying dazzling moments of supremacy as poor Cuthbert covers up flabbergasted, letting Claire cop touches. By the final minute, Danes clearly enthralled by Elisha’s jugs--turning Cuthbert then shoeshining her breasts with swabbing side-to-side buffeting, easily evading Elisha’s outraged swipes of protests. Breezy shutout, Claire Danes--back to her corner SMUG!

R5: Claire helping herself--she’s got this kid badly flustered, unable to get on track. Danes constantly swivel-pivoting to fresh angles--keeping Elisha moving her feet and reacting rather than coming forward strong. Claire nibbling for the most part--landing the odd firm, clouting right hand on chin following a shoe-shine or pitty-pat combination; lapping a meanspirited, draining hook consistently behind Elisha’s right elbow. And oh, the JUGG! Claire taking the most jug of her career on ‘Lishy tonight--chugging away hup-hup when Claire tilts forward behind her mitts, or dragging side-to-side buffet across cleavage whenever ‘Lishy’s guard momentarily breaks down, Bell: charged-up Claire shouts “WOO!” directly into Elisha’s scuffed-up face; Cuthbert scowling, shoving her tormentress away. Back to back shutouts Claire Danes--Elisha moping on her stool during break, getting discouraged.

Cuthbert/Danes conc.

Posted by Simguy on 9/22/2006, 7:20 am,

R6: Claire applying polish, putting the chamois to Elisha’s jugs and tummy, sidestepping her, sticking her. Danes has distance, has initiative, she’s comfy in her stance she’s got her timing down--just a perfect-storm of Claire Danes buffeting and tossing Good Ship Cuthbert, Elisha gritting her teeth, ear muffing up, crouching, crossing her arms--constant nibbling and poking has her flustered because no matter what her posture, Danes is finding unguarded flesh. Claire’s tempo upbeat--brisk punching complimented by confident step-outs and walk-arounds--Claire looking her foe over from outside, calculating look on intelligent brows. Most of the equations wind up equaling ‘Lishy’s bra--Danes stroking, swatting, clawing and digging up as much rack as she can handle, clearly enjoying the demoralizing effect it’s having on her buxom foe. Bell: Cuthbert blinking back tears--trainer sis her down, taps her under the chin--”Baby, she’s not hurting you, ok? It’s all smoke and mirrors baby, that’s all it is. I want you to jab with her--pop the jab ‘Lishy and throw the right hand at her chest. Just move your hands, make her feel you baby--that’s all you gotta do!”

R7: ‘Lishy not one to wallow--she comes out feisty, pumping the jab while keeping the right hand high, stepping to her elusive opponent. Danes fade-stepping back, looking to time Lishy’s jab--30 seconds in, Claire walks Cuthbert into a gorgeous counter-right hand, caroming off chin: smug grin as Danes resets on her back foot, retracting right hand to her chin, left dangling at her side, Elisha walks right through that poke, SMOKES Danes a right-hand receipt as Claire’s taking a picture and CLAIRE GOES DOWN! Claire scattered to her back, gets up creaky, blinking wonky at the ropes as ref shouts 8: ON COMES ‘LISHY! Cuthbert SURGING in, setting her stance wide and going at willowy HISC torso with cudgeling roundhouse rights and lefts, POOR CLAIRE! Danes dipping low to make Elisha miss over the top on occasion: Cuthbert reaches in under Claire’s arms, flanks, hips. Danes dipping low to make Elisha miss over the top on occasion: Cuthbert reaches in under Claire’s arms, bodying her to the ropes to avoid being countered. Mauling, brawling, hamhanded brutality from Elisha: trainer going apeshite in the Cuthbert corner as his charge batters Danes to the bell. Elisha chests up, screeching in Claire’s face: Danes blinking, eyes watery--svelte torso still humming from the drumming.

R8: Elisha up off her stool, grinding her teeth, batting her mitts together--she stomps on over to give battle…and takes a POUNDING right hand off the chin. Danes bending into a beaut--tagging the onrushing Mountee with 100% Claire: ‘Lishy bucklers momentarily, then hooks Claire inside her left shoulder, bumping Danes off balance. Net respect from Elisha? Zero. Claire hopping left along the apron--Elisha sweeping locator hooks, bruishing Danes into ropes, then pouring in with helicopter lefts and rights. Claire open-mouthed, staring--’Lishy unleashed simply too thumping-strong to be held  off. Danes relying on tactical clinches, slips and flown-blown running to string out the clock, but late the round--Cuthbert catches Claire a hook as Danes is trying to lope to her right. DOWN GOES DANES! Big head snap--knees numbed--Claire hits backside, legs up as she rolls awkwardly into the ropes, arms flailing back into the cables for support. ‘Lishy stomping in, looming over top Claire and bellowing down at her--ref has to body buxom young Canuck off to give Claire room to stand. Bell: Claire swaying, shaky-legged as she wanders back to her corner; Cuthbert pumping her fists, hollering at well-wishers in the crows--she’s pumped.

R9: Claire elects to slug! Danes narrow-eyed as she ducks inside a looping Cuthbert right, carrying a limber right hand into the pit of Elisha’s stomach, tucks a left in there, too, clips ‘Lishy a tidy left uppercut off the left foot. Danes hops straight back, outsdistancing an enraged swinging left hook--then leans forward again with an opportunistic right, strapping Cuthbert on her cheek even as Elisha’s depositing a blunt right hand to Claire’s jaw. Back and forth like this--Claire nimble, in-and-out non Elisha, landing little rights and lefts; Elisha shrugging off the chin checks, clobbering back and landing harder, if fewer. Down the stretch--close round--girls trade hooks to Danes’ dismay: she covers up earmuff, momentarily wobbly butt. Elisha STRIDES in wide, flinging her left hand up and out just for balance and carries a stupendous right FAT to the pit of Claire’s belly. Danes bunched up on her toes--butt back--and SHE’S DOWN! Claire in all fours, spitting out her mouthpiece in gutshot agony--‘Lishy strutting the canvas both hands high. And CLAIRE BEATS THE COUNT! Danes sniveling, hugging her gut as she sags against ropes while ref counts--but she straggles to the bell once again.

R10: Cuthbert surging up off her stool, but breathing hard: she’s had the pedal to the metal for three late rounds and it’s starting to add up. Danes grimacing, badly hurt downstairs--but working it: she’s running ‘Lishy onto the jab, then swivel-pivoting ‘round Canuck right flank, ducking en route to avoid Cuthbert’s exuberant swinging rights, Danes being first, keeping her distance--she’s got Elisha launching from a little too far out--Claire able to duck the haymakers, swivel around them to disrupt Elisha’s stance. Midway through--Claire dropping hesitation right hands off her pivots, scoring straight uo the middle to the bridge of ‘Lishy’s nose. Startling poke--Danes retracting the right hand back to her shoulder, pivoting away from receipts, Classy stuff--Elisha unhurt, but unable to mount effective aggression--this things goes to the cards as Cuthbert drops the 10th to a rallying Danes. Comes back UD10 CLOSE: Claire Danes.

After: Cuthbert beside herself, not handling the news well--Mountee officials gently coaxing raging blonde to her corner and away from lurking Tractorpull scribes hoping to catch an ill-considered quote from he emotional blonde, “I’m not going to kid you,” a relieved Claire Danes says in post fight, “Elisha can punch. You saw me go down--I’m not going to stand here and tell you I was never hurt, but what I will say is that I was never threatened, Seriously--she was punching big, but I controlled every inch of that ring. Plus--don’t forget: I nearly stopped her in the second--it’s not like I wasn’t exactly a terrible price from her all night long.” Cuthbert pouring her heart out to sympathetic BLONDE! Magazine scribes: “Playground scoring goes to me,” Elisha pouts. “I was BIUTCHERING her down the stretch. Claire Danes has no punch--I was blowing her doors off and they give HER the nod? It totally sucks!”

Reposted by Archer 7/10/11.