Kruzhers vs. Mountees Stable War

Posted by Simguy on 12/23/2006, 2:13 pm

"The poor thing," Charlize purrs at the podium, "she looks so scared! Cobie, don't you worry about a thing: I'm going to take you out with one clean right hand, ok? I'm not going to soften you up and pulverize you for 7 or 8 rounds - when the moment's right, I'll just end this thing and you won't feel a thing! How's that sound?"

Smulders smouldering - she knows she's in with a legend, but doesn't cotton to the condescension. "I know I've drawn the toughest assignment in this stable war," Cobie concedes, "but I'm up to it. Besides, if you have to fight Charlize, I'd rather do her now - after she's taken the beating of her lifetime from Gena - than at any other time. So you may not believe this Char - can I call you Char? But I'm looking forward to this. You left chunks of yourself in that ring after Gena that you'll never get back, and I'm going to expose that fact to the whole world!" Cheek! CT ill-amused: golden grin replaced by golden glare at the dais.

Cobie in sport-cut bikini - maple leaf motif top, solid red bottoms, white gloves, white/red two-toned boxing shoes with tassles (mid calf). Charlize in black off-the-shoulder bikini top, leopard print trunks, black boxing shoes with tassles (mid calf), black gloves.

R1: Charlize relaxed, just putting Cobie through her paces. CT in loose crouch - right under her chin, left across her body - she's sliding back from Cobester, jolting her jabs off the tummy and sharp right hand leads while backing up. Cobie dukes up, chin tucked, pinging the jab as she steps forward - she's coming up short, getting ripped as Theron's limber feigned retreats baffle brunette aggression. Bell - CT smiling, making eye contact after a smooth shutout: blonde helps herself to a clapping right-hand chunk of Canadian backside as Smulders passes en route to corners.

R2: Similar stuff - CT sticking with the loose crossed-arm, crouching forward even as she slides back or to either side - looking to walk Cobie into harm. Smulders doubling up the jab, hopping forward to close distance - she's able to pat poke to Charlize' face, land some chopping right hands as Theron's backing up. CT relying upon a lithe little head-bob to avoid punches - gloves aren't high enough to count as defence: not a lot of respect for brunette punching thus far. Theron's jab very stiff, jolting Cobie as Smulders comes in, and CT's landing some sharp straight rights/slightly sidearm rights to lump Cobie's face up nicely through 2.

R3: RIGHT HAND COBIE SMULDERS! CT a little lazy, head exposed as she's slidestepping back - Cobie jabbing to close, leans in and POUNDS a right off CT's left eye, tossing blonde head back. Crowd roar: Charlize hits ropes mouth open wide - Smulders lowers her head, pours on in. Chugging bombast to CT's midriff - pumping lefts and rights beat that Oscar-winning midriff: Theron coughing in pain, ties up behind Cobie's elbows to halt the harm. Ref's break - Cobie pushed back - dark eyes glittering, nostrils flaring - she jabs at CT's face to get her leaning back over the top rope then bends in a GLORIOUS overhand right to cheek. CT's head tosses, hands low - she sponges a huge Cobie Smulders wallop - leans forward hurt, but serviceable. Back to body, Cobie - shoulders rotating, hands churning - she's just gobbling Theron up inside. Theron grimacing, eyes frowning - she's tieing up, pulling Cobie into clinches, slowly bogging this thing down. Final minute - after ref's breaks push Cobie back, Theron sharpshooting off the ropes, catching Smulders cute little right hands on the way in. Smulders repeatedly drilled trying to keep Charlize pinned down - brunette happy to pay the price to keep blonde back on ropes.

R4: Charlize bandy armed - left across her belly; right loose, open under her mouth as she pivots, dragging her lead-left foot in a bucket. Smulders eating a heavy shock jab - getting pre-empted - CT lashing that thing out, snapping it off Cobie's face, scoring beautifully. Smulders working hard to get inside, but paying a steep price - Theron landing intercept right hands - just short, chopping hacks to face as Smulders creep-steps in, then a strapping, thick left hook licked to midsection hobbles brunette with a groan. Theron circling, putting it on Cobie - Smulders bravely coming forward, but not getting off: it's a recipe for destruction. Heavy, strapping lefts in Cobie's waist loosening brunette up - down the stretch, she's mouth breathing, wincing, guard wilting a bit: she never sees the right hand that finishes her. Theron sliding back a smidge, times Cobie's pinging jab, leans in, slops a slinging, slightly wide right hand brutal to face: Smulders' skull swivels, body instantly ragdoll as she soaks it, then swoons to canvas. KO4 via right hand as promised, Charlize Theron.

After: Theron strutting, crowing, holding hands high - little bit of a wake-up call in the third enough to bring out the beast in Theron tonight. Not the most defensively responsible Theron we've ever seen, but a limber, accurate, lithe punching performance simply overwhelming Cobie with size, weight of shot, and timing. Cobie brought around in stages on her stool, badly disoriented - she's still out of it when Charlize and a Victoria's Secret Saddle Crew shoo Mountee cornermen out of the way so that Smulders may be properly outfitted. Cobie bleary-eyed, stunned as Charlize helps her up - saddle is affixed to her back, straps drawn up between her legs and around her belly: it's about half-secured with the rest of the Mountee stable pours in under and over the ropes to save the day. Krusher forces muster - dangerous pushing and shouting melee breaks out as security rushes the ring. Lengthy delays incurred as rival factions are slowly separated, calmed and coaxed back from the brink. Poor KO'd Smulders fumbling with buckles and loops to free herself - she came THAT CLOSE to getting ridden tonight.

******

Postfight Comments by Smulders: Frankly, I expected better of you, Charlize. I always saw you as a classy boxer and a classy personality. You showed that you aren't finished, that's for sure. I'm a little disappointed in my own performance tonight based on how some of the pundits saw it going. I should have done better. But you mark my words, you little bitch. There will come a time and a day and a place that I will wipe the canvas with your smarmy little ass and then I'm going to paddle your ass so hard, your shit is going to come up through your nose. You can count on that and you can print that. Hang it on your wall, do whatever you want with it. Frankly, I think you should stuff it in your trunks because you're going to need all the padding you can get down there.