Adrianne Palicki (challenger) v Jennifer Lawrence (champion) for FCBA Welterweight Championship

 (Words: Sceej / Results: Lookout!)

Rubber match between two big girls - Palicki winning by KO 10 in 2014 at lightweight, Lawrence avenging that loss with a stoppage in the 7th in August of this year - latter fight notable for post fight mayhem. Palicki unaware the fight had been stopped continuing to swing at the victor; which in turn precipitated ring riot involving Charlize “The GOAT” Theron of Chimera and Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin and Jenny “Mac the Knife” McCarthy of Sceej. FCBA promises a huge security presence - Palicki and Lawrence always professionals - same cannot be said for Palicki’s stablemates!

Pre fight: Crowd humming, waiting for the main event of the evening as number one contender and reigning champion prepare to duke it out to see who’s boss of the big girls. Lights down and LL Cool J’s “Momma Said Knock You Out” throbbing through sound system and Adrianne Palicki striding purposefully to ring, accompanied by Sceej head trainer Scrubby McGee, with his personal assistant Jim Beam and seconded by Jenny McCarthy, still sweat slick and un-showered after her own fight, in signature green Playboy/Shamrock bikini, tape has been hastily cut from her hands. J-Mac stepping in for Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin, who has been (ahem) removed from the premises. Adrianne's rocking orange boy cut shorts with matching color crocheted bikini top, white gloves and boots. Her blonde hair is wet and pulled back in a fighting ponytail secured by an orange scrunchie.

Nice hand for the challenger, but thunderous ovation as Green Day starts cranking “I Fought the Law and the Law Won!” and here comes the FCBA welterweight champion - Jennifer Lawrence - escorted by her seconds - Charlize “The GOAT” Theron and Jeri Ryan. Rumors are that Lawrence has worked extensively with Ryan to prepare for the fight - the Chimera exec with exactly the kind of long limbed one shot power as Palicki made Ryan an ideal sparring partner. Oohs and Ahhs for the disrobe as Lawrence wearing forest green bikini top, matching boy shorts, wearing black gloves and boots; lush honey-blonde hair in a tight French 'battle braid.'

Bell for the ring announcer: “Ladies and gentlemen … now for our main event of the evening … ten rounds of boxing for the FCBA welterweight championship! Before introducing the principles, we would like to acknowledge the presence of one of the true greats of the FCBA who is joining us in the ring … (and Jenny McCarthy rolls eyes, grins and starts to slip under the second rope) … she is universally recognized as the GREATEST of all TIME (and a flummoxed McCarthy realizes she has misread the introduction and tries to back out of ropes gracefully - fact that she is wearing shower slides not helping the cause) … ladies and gentleman, let’s have a hand for the great … CHARLIZE THERON … THERON!” Crowd on its feet applauding … Charlize with a perfunctory waive of hand in acknowledgement (never a glory hound). Jenny’s efforts to extricate herself from ropes - fail? She tumbles from ring apron to arena floor on her ass - Cassie Scerbo,,ringside with Grand Wizard and Neve Campbell; from press row, Tess Valmore shouts back, “BFF - PLEASE tell me you got Mac’s ring exit!” Cassie winks and holds up cell-phone and gives a thumbs up.

Back to announcer “... introducing first … the challenger! She is a former former two time lightweight champion … a former welterweight champion … representing Sceej Boxing … with a record of 39 wins against 34 losses … with 34 wins coming by way of knockout … they call her “The Chin Checker … Adrianne Pallllllllicki … Palicki!”

“... and now … the champion! She represents the legendary tradition of Chimera Boxing .. with an outstanding record of 38 wins against only 25 defeats … with 35 big wins by knockout … the reigning FCBA welterweight champion of the worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrld … Jennifer Lawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrence … Lawrence!”

Ring instructions a formality … for the principals at least! Jenny Mac, blushing and seething after her misstep - literally and figuratively - glaring daggers at a coolly detached Charlize Theron. “Don’t you eyeball me, Theron … do NOT eyeball me! I can go another ten rounds easy … not that it would take that long, I promise you that!” No response from the Golden Goddess …. maybe the hint of a sneer … and FCBA security poised to enter the ring if need be.

Round 1: Fighters meet center ring - Palicki flat footed and dangling left low and right cocked at cheek, Lawrence weight on toes, dukes high, classic boxer-puncher stance. Lawrence circling to her left, flashing jab. Even though she is conceding some reach, using hand speed to surprise taller opponent, it’s more the range finder jab than the telephone pole George Foreman jab but it is clearly bothering the challenger. Palicki heaves that big right, Lawrence bends back, avoids and slings back with a right of her own that rings up the Sceej fighter! Palicki steps back, flustered and stung. Like most fighters, when frustrated, they go to what they know best - for Adrianne, it's the straight right hand! Lawrence pulls back and punishes with a counter left hook to the chin but takes a hard left hook to the ribs in return. Scrubby McGee bellowing from Sceej corner “Don’t reach, Addie!” (Jenny Mac offering the thoughtful and subtle strategic suggestion of “Knock her ass out!”). Round winds down and it is a very nice first round for the champion, who waives fist above head to acknowledge the cheering crowd!

Round 2: Palicki admonished by Scrubby McGee in Sceej corner, “Wake da hell up, Addie! Don’t let her get in a rhythm … when she jabs, you jab!” Palicki out purposefully and jabbing with Lawrence is disrupting the champ … longer reach of the challenger frustrating. Not a lot landing but its preventing Jen from setting up and working off the jab. Palicki sneaks little left uppercut that clips Lawrence chin and startles her … champion back on heels with that one! Palicki coming hard .. shoves J-Law back into ropes and thuds the left and right to the body … Jen into guard … elbows tight and takes the thumping … Palicki looking for opening to land right hand to the head. Champion clinches and the two big girls wrestle out to mid ring before referee works to separate them. Lawrence with left hook to Palicki temple but take a slinging right in return and again Jen skittish - spooked by the hitting power of big Addie! Round to Palicki

Round 3: Adjustment … now counter-adjustment! Jeri Ryan wants movement! J-Law on her toes now … pap pap … double jab and slide left … pap smack … jab and right hand to the body … slide left … Palicki late with the receipt. Don't let the big girl set her feet is the name of the game. Palicki with dukes high so Lawrence taking what she’s given and spanking the rib cage. Persistent left hook has lanky challenger’s right flank pinking up and the big girl cranky. Fires a big overhand right out of frustration but Jennifer dances back and out of range. It’s matador and bull action and not going the tall slim bull’s way - round to the champion!

Round 4: Palicki figuring it out - when she skips left, you step right to cut her off! Adrianne able to cut ring and create exchanges with the champion - Lawrence a little quicker handed and moving slick but Palicki with greater weight of shot. Even when big girl’s punches land on forearms or shoulders it creates a deep numbness. Jennifer outworks Palicki to take the round with volume of punches, especially that educated jab. Champ’s up three rounds to one but … with a toll on her body.

In the Sceej corner, Scrubby McGee exhorting, “Hit any-ting, ya hear me? Any-ting! Pound da sass outta dem legs, Addie!”

Chimera corner, Jeri Ryan in champion’s ear, “Good round. You’re boxing beautifully. Now McGee’s gonna send her at you hard … you back up … then pick your spot … dig that back foot in … and you MAKE this tall drink of water respect you!”

Round 5: Lawrence out on toes again … looking to fight tactical fight but the Chin Checker has other ideas! Stalking, right cocked … slinging range finder left … J_Law parrying the big girl’s jab and scoring with her own. J-Law with a one-two combo that snaps Adrianne’s head back. Follow with right hand lead, big girl snakes neck back … big left hook by Palicki . Lawrence stumbling back … eyes wide and staring and the Chin Checker in pursuit! Straight right hand glances off champion’s scalp. Again the left hook cracks the jaw and shimmy in Jennifer’s knees … reaches out with hand to grab ropes and steady self … could go down … lunges forward and clinches … hanging on tough as Palicki roughhousing to get hands free. When referee enforces break … Lawrence in full retreat on shaky legs … shooting that “stay away from me” jab. Palicki with big right hand lead but Lawrence able to slip the shot and clinch again. More wrestling to end of the round but a big round for the challenger.

Round 6: Chimera corner with the ice on Lawrence’s neck and cracking the smelling salts. Lawrence shaking head to rid cobwebs. Charlize Theron hissing in her ear “Move … move your hands .. move your feet … angles … don't give her a stationary target.” Like a true champion, Jennifer Larence goes out of her corner and … executes. In defiance of a tough last round, the snap is back in the jab … the bounce is back in the legs … one two … one two … then a heel pivot and gone … leaving the challenger swinging at air. The term “ring generalship” is frequently used in boxing but often little understood. Jennifer Lawrence puts on a seminar in ring generalship, takes the round and is now up 4 rounds to 2 after 6.

Round 7: “Are ya sick, Addie? Are ya hoit?” Scrubby McGee’s seemingly concerned questions draw a puzzled head shake “no” from Palciki, “DEN WHY DA HELL AIN’T YA FIGHTIN?!!!” Corner eruption startles many ringsiders. Grand Wizard smiling serenely, nodding head and addressing Cassie Scerbo, “Every fighter’s different, kid, McGee knows that big girl scout … she’s got tons of heart but sometimes she needs a wakeup call - and she just got one!”

Fighters out of corner … the big quiet challenger seething from tongue lashing in corner. There is a trade of jabs … then Palicki with left to ribs, left to jaw … Lawrence pulls back and right hand finisher misses. Palicki in pursuit. J-Law plants back food and scores with left hook and straight right hand but big Adrianne doubles left hook and Lawrence stumbles back guy shot. Palicki puts hands on shoulders and walks her back to ropes. That long buggy whip left hook again and she has Lawrence hurt to the body. J-Law grunts with the impact. Tags Adrianne with sneak uppercut inside but the big girl shakes it off and responds with let fight left to the body that have the champion sagging forward. Lifts her with the left uppercut. Champion on shaky legs. Palciki with the straight right … does not land flush but still buckles J-Law’s knees. Bell rings and referee between the fighters … Palicki’s eyes blazing with uncharacteristic blood lust.

Round 8: McGee, the master strategist, pricking and drawing out the slow burning anger of the big girl. “Are ye proud now, Addie? Ye FINALLY fought one round … one bloody round … and we are goin’ inta da eighth? Are ye gonna rest again? Cuz my math might be a little off but … I t’ink dere’s only t’ree rounds left? Ya want people ta say ya put up a good fight? Dat’s all yer lookin for right?” Palicki’s cheeks burning with anger and embarrassment …

Ringside, Grand Wizard, as knowledgeable as they come, sees and hears, comments with concern, “Oh … this could be bad … real bad! That skinny kid has never known her own strength and now McGee has her enraged … this could get bad.”

Palicki out of corner laser focused. Champion with stiff jab … challenger shrugs it off and throws right hand lead … Lawrence backpedals .. spooked … and big girl is marching on her .. feigns right lead and bangs that double left hook to the flank … draws a grunt of pain and champion sags. Palicki twist hip into uppercut and Lawrence thrown back into ropes and the amazon is all over her. Left hook to the ribs … left hook to the head … Lawrence covering up … Pacliki steps back and pounds straight right hand … punches through champions guard and bashes skull … big girl brutality … some calls at ringside to “stop the fight” as round winds down … Palicki spinning on heel at bell and back to corner with a look that would melt lead … J_Law back to corner shabby.

Round 9: Jenny Mac in corner icing Palicki back comments “Great round!” McGee gently suggests that Jenny “SHUT DA HELL UP!”, then turning to Adrianne, “Finish, dammit, finish? How may damn fights you have stolen from ya in da last damn rounds cuz ya don’t finish? Finish, Addie … finish!!!”

Jennifer Lawrence off stool creaky … showing effects of last two rounds .. Palicki still seething from corner. Pops long jab that snaps Lawrence neck back. Jab jab jab and J-Law forced to ropes. Palicki tapping Lawrence face with the piston like jab and then … that diamond cutter right! Big girl lands one on the button and the champion is dropped. Lawrence blinking … makes it to one knee at “six” … tries to surge up at eight but pitches forward and it … it … over!

Winner … by knockout in the ninth round … and new welterweight champion of the world … Adrianne “The Chin Checker” Palicki.

Post fight: Palicki to Chimera corner to check on Lawrence, who is on feet. Fighters exchange a few words … Lawrence pats Palciki on cheek … Jenny Mac, observing display of sportsmanship, cracks to ringsiders “Geez, are they gonna tongue kiss? I may hurl!”

In ring interview of new champion, “I can’t believe this … a few months ago, I was thinking about hanging up the gloves - now welterweight champion … twice?!! It’s a team effort … Mister McGee training me (then mock glaring at the old man) and saying mean things in the corner to make me mad! Gena Lee sparring with me …

Interview interrupted by Jenny McCarthy, kissing new champion on cheek, “We did it, you big dummy! I TOLD you my strategy would work!!!” Draws a few puzzled looks from press - “WE did it?”

Palicki turning back to interviewer, “Only one thing left to say … Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”