Partial Report

Boxing After Dark (under Romijn/Harmon)

Posted by Simguy on 5/26/2006, 7:08 am.

Kelly in tan string bikini (Maxim shoot)
Shannen in off-white bikini (Aristide ref--Shannen with water hose)

Shannen quits on her stool, KO8!

The first thing you think when you see hem, is how much bigger Shannen looks ion the scales, how much deeper and broader through thr shoulders and chest. You remember the horrible beatings Doherty’s dished out to girls Kelly’s size: you recall the stunned astonishment on Kelly Ripa’s face when Doherty battered her a couple of years back. People bring up Kelly’s effort against a much younger Samaire Armstrong, but you dismiss it: Doherty’s no ingénue and she won’t be bamboozled by Monaco. Before the fight, Shannen is made a healthy favourite, and she deserves it: she’s clearly the most notorious of the veteran brunettes hovering in and around 110.

One round in, after Kelly has dropped Shannen not once, but TWICE--after Kelly has launched a non-stop, bewildering up-tempo attacking-pace any 18 year old vixen would be proud of--you STILL discount what you’re seeing. it’s the first round: Shannen will rally. Instead, she’s shutout and badly beaten again in the second--Monaco tearing at her with blistering intensity couple with veteran smarts: Kelly in and out; beating Shan to punches; never standing in front of Shannen for too long, but never, ever giving Doherty even a hint of respect in the exchanges. In the third, when Doherty FINALLY puts Kelly wobbly butt with a right cross--you breathe a sigh of relief: surely THIS is the comeback, the end of a brave, but outgunned Cinderella.

You think all that, but you’re wrong.

After Shannen’s brief spurt of pride in the third, this fight would be hopelessly, gloriously all Kelly Monaco. A deeply discouraged Doherty grew increasingly sluggish and sullen as minutes thumped past, beaten pillar-to-post by a vivacious and tireless Kelly. Monaco’s taut, wiry body was electric--thrilling to behold as she sustained a withering offensive--her legs springy; her torso rotating into punches; her teeth bared, eyes wild. Shannen was combative and uncooperative with her trainer during breaks--a sure sign of distress  for Ms. Doherty--but all her complaining led to increased humiliation in the ring as a wide-eyed Monaco continued her fresh-punching assault with vigor. Shannen went to all fours following a sustained body-drubbing in the fifth, and stumbled to the mat twice more in the 6th as Monaco found extra verve. In the seventh, ms. Monaco was able to stack Shannen up in a corner, and pound her with straight lefts and rights to the pecs, arms and chest--poor Doherty just standing there ashen-faced, right arm across her breasts, left across her belly as mitts smashed home.

Down again in the 8th--cut at the hairline, right eye swollen shut from Kelly’s biting hooks, and bleeding from a leaky nostril, a ramshackle Shannen bowed her head on her stool--forearms on her knees--and quietly instructed her trainer to stop the fight. It was decision which would haunt any girl, but for a girl who’s reputation instills fear and intimidation in her opponent it was especially demoralizing, “You just don’t see Shannen Doherty battered like that,” noted Celebrity ring Magazine in it’s recap of the fight.

Wither Kelly Monaco? The least-known of the veteran brunettes, she puts this triumph over the best known of the type right beside a tasty pasting up and coming Samaire Armstrong and suddenly this Playmate-cum-dancer/actress has carved out a little notorority  for herself. “She’s got the jugs to hang I there with Jessica Simpson and jenny Love Hewitt,” notes one crass, but on-the-money HBO fat cat, “she’s got the legs and tummy to go with Natalie Portman--why wouldn’t we use her?”

Reposted by Archer 2/10/11.