HAWKEYE INTERNATIONAL VS KIM'S KRUSHERS STABLE WAR #1

Posted by Simguy on 11/27.2004, 11;26 am.

Before: Danes brings her premier boxing skulls in against a fighter who has absolutely eaten up and spat out cute boxers at 110: only the uncompromising slugging of Salma Hayek has had any effect on Pressly recently. “Jaime’s not a superwoman,” says Danes, “there’s no mystery as to why she’s been sop tough. She was 120 pounds for that Portman fight, and she’s faster and more explosive than Natalie—do the math. I brought in Brittany Daniel to spar with for this fight—no flyweights. Jaime’s a bantam class slugger with the viciousness of a flyweight—she’s a unique challenge.” Pressly laughing of the charges of size being her trump card. “Look—I’ll make 110, just like Claire. Then I’ll bounce Claire off the canvas like a heap rubber ball and everyone will cry foul—but the fact is: I’m the baddest girl in the division, and they don’t teach ‘bad’ at Yale.” Silver bikini Pressly, black and white half-and-half bikini Claire, bra style top. Small gloves for both.

During R1: Claire, right hand under her chin, left low, chin tucked behind that left shoulder as she turns around it, presenting the closed left flank to Pressly. Jaime: left low, on her toes, bouncing in with a rising jab, bouncing out, flinching and feinting effectively as Danes reacts. 30 seconds in—Pressly with a stutter-step, starts the jab, brings a howling right hand across instead—Danes barely twisting to her right to roll with it but OH: that crashing left hand follow up! Shades of Roy Jones/Montel II—Pressly off the feint, lick-stroking that whip left hand up and across Claire’s face and DANBES GOES DOWN! Claire sent reeling, shipwrecked across the ring to her back, but it’s OVER! Jaime Pressly shrugging, hands out to either side, big grin on her face as she solves the elusive Claire D with one punch!

After: HISC lawyers already drawing up papers on laptops ringside to protest Jaime’s supposed weight advantage—but Pressly’s got some celebrating to do. Jaime gathering shellshocked Claire up off her stool, draping her chest-first in the corner, hooking that left leg over the middle rope: Pressly rubs her hands together, looks over at Krusher teammates, nods with big smile and GOES TO TOWN ON CLAIRE’S BACKSIDE! Krusher girls falling all over themselves, hugging and pointing as Jaime gets old-school on Claire’s derriere—great clapping right hands, straight arm delivery that shivers on contact with meat. Pushing up on Claire’s arms near the shoulder joint, Jaime keeps Danes stacked: poor Claire windblown, shouting in pain as she grips turnbuckle—only gets worse as Jaime goes kidney. Horrifying pounding lower back numbs Danes—Pressly squaring up and thumping away, landing flat with the knuckles, turning her body into smashing blows—fists spanking loud against taut backflesh. Devastating assault paralyzes Claire—eyes closed, mouth open in shock, pleasure-0exhausted Pressly drapes herself across Claire’s back, hugging Danes against the turnbuckle, cheek to cheek over Claire’s left shoulder to whisper moist taunts into Danes’ ear. Savagery to be expected from Krushers in any stable war: Heigl, Cuthbert, Theron, Loken, Jewel arm in arm, form up chorus line for some high kicking in the ring as Jaime l;ounges on her trembling victim.

Reposted by Archer 5/16/10.