Capsule Comments Culled From Various Sources

Posted by Simguy on 10/3/2008, 7:00 pm.

DIAZ “DIGUSTED” WITH HELFER

Cameron Diaz had hard words for Tricia Helfer in a BLONDE! Magazine article following Helfer/Theron. “She (Tricia) was too deferential,” Diaz complains. “You don’t beat Charlize by hugging her and shaking her hand. When Charlize said she liked and respected Trish, she was really saying she has no fear of Tricia. I was disgusted: it was like Helfer decided to bend over and INVITE Theron to kick her ass. I’ve got a good mind to thrash Tricia myself for wasting a shot at the golden tramp! I’d paste Charlize, but she’s too pre-occupied with cheap Diaz imitators like Trish to risk facing the real thing.”

CHABERT DEFENDS CARTER. HUH???

In the wake of scathing media treatment of Sarah Carter following her vicious demolition of young Leighton Meester—support came from an unlikely source: former friend and current hater—Lacey Chabert. “Look—I’m no fan of Sarah—but Leighton had to realize who she was in with,” Lacey explains in this month’s Celebrity Ring. “Sarah’s the most vindictive woman in boxing—bar none. Rookies that fight her need to keep their heads down, traos shut, fight hard and go home. Leighton could have won that fight, but she had to antagonize Sarah before hand. Hope embarrassing Sarah in prefight was worth it, ‘cause Meester looked like sludge warmed over when they got done.”

VANESSA WILLIAMS STOPS MARISJKA HARGITAY

In a packed invitation-only apartment slugfest, ageless beauty Vanessa Williams stopped an equally ageless, curvy and full-bodied Mariska Hargitay in the 8^th round of a scheduled 8-round tilt. Fighting in tight cami-strap tank tops and panties—the two mature vixens punched shoulder to shoulder all night long, proving that age is no barrier to excitement in what most eye-witness accounts referred to as a “thriller”. The fight could pave the way for a beefy three way apartment wrestling contest featuring Williams, Hargitay and Catherine Zeta Jones filling out the respective tank tops.

“I LET NEVE OFF THE HOOK”—JENNIE GARTH

Boxing’s most celebrated gatekeeper explains how she eased up on Neve Campbell in this month’s BLONDE! Magazine. “There’s no question Neve is shot,” Jennie relates. “Whenever it came down to a choice between accepting leather, or legging out of the way—Neve chose to get hit. Her legs are gone. If I’d only pushed for the knockout down the stretch rather than coasting, I’d be looking at a Missy Peregrym fight now.”

SHIELDS HAMMERS CATTRALL IN COMEBACK

A superbly conditioned Brooke shields banged out an impressive 10 round decision over a puffy and sluggish Kim Cattrall in a non-televised fight designed to be the first step back into contention for the long-time brunette strongwoman. “I’m fitter and quicker than I was as champion,” Brooke related after the fight—a contest won largely on the strength of Shields’ heavy left hand. “I look at the top 10 at welter and there are no roadblocks. There’s nothing between me and another title except a little hard wok.”

RIVALRY THAT NEVER WAS

Lindsay Lohan did some reminiscing in a RACK magazine interview this week—talking about her BSE days and her feelings towards headlining blonde, Britney Spears. “I always measured myself against her,” Lindsay admits, “and I was always curious about fighting her. If I had stayed committed at 120, I think new would have had to get into it. But I slimmed down and she bulked up and now she’s just way too big for me. But I’ll always wonder how it would have gone…”

Reposted by Archer 11/3/09.