| 
  • If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.

  • You already know Dokkio is an AI-powered assistant to organize & manage your digital files & messages. Very soon, Dokkio will support Outlook as well as One Drive. Check it out today!

View
 

30 Jan 2009 Christina Aguilera vs Jessica Simpson

Page history last edited by Archer844 10 years, 11 months ago

Christina Aguilera 03.jpgJessica Simpson 06.jpg

 

JUGS OF MASS DESTRUCTION (JMD) BOUT

 

Posted by simguy on 1/30/2009, 7:18 am

 

Before: New management takes over the task of realizing the fighting potential of "nature's perfect fighting maching" Jessica Simpson. "Her proportions; power to weight; curvature to length, percentage of fast twitch muscle; thigh sweep to calf bulge - all Jessica's numbers are nearly perfect," says a Simpson spokesperson in prefight. "The trick is harnessing it. Someday, someone's going to unleash Jessica's fighting ability and the whole FCBA is going to tremble!" Aguilera not buying it - she's looking to get into Jessica's kitchen. "People tell me: 'Christina, you've got skillz - why r u fighting JMD?' and I tell them: 'to get Jessica flat out busted and humbled'. Sure, I could box this chick's ears off the way I did at Disney - but that's not really me, and it's not the statement I want to make. I'm a better 'boxer' than Song, or Panettiere, or Hudgens or any of them - but if I get involved in fighting, I want to rule with an iron effing fist - you know? JMD's a good place to start putting some girls on notice." Jessica in heart-pounding pink Dukes bikini; white runners and roll-down socks; small white gloves. 'Tina in black lace push up; low-rise leopard print stretch shorts; black shoes with white socks rolled down, small black gloves.

During R1: Pressure from Simpsy: Aguilera forced to dig in back-to-ropes. Jess: fists curled into her chin; forehead pushing into Christina's left shoulder; short, shoving blows, taking Aguilera in her body, jugs - with the occasional clout to either temple. Chris adopting a similar look out of necessity, dipping either shoulder to dig back at Jessi's paunch; shoveling up into Jessi's jugs. Simpsy with her weight forward, punching with authority: buttocks trembling as curvy legs fight to keep her position. Girls taking turns digging one, two, or three punches - then staying compact as her foe answers. Jess with the better of it, beating a healthy pink hue into Chrissy's ribcage.

R2: 'Tina with a stiff series of jabs to get Jess backpedalling, then some strong hook/cross combos to beat Simpsy ropeside. Aggie closing in mouth-on-shoulder: once again, vixens curl fists into their chins, keeping elbows in close - punching short, vicious digs into offending breadbaskets and racks. Aguilera active - shifting her head to either Simpson shoulder while working Jessica's midsection: Simpsy doing a nice job blocking blows on her elbows while she's repebound. Final minute, Jessica able to jerk little left uppercuts to Christina's chin, then reverse position: Aguilera's back to ropes as Jessi digs in. Same steady, pulverizing work - Simpsy hunching forward, working hard, staying disciplined with her hands and compact guard.

R3: Simpsy closes: Aguilera neglecting her classy jab to get in snug and slug. Jess beating Christina back in stages: Simpson very active in close quarters, moving her head to either Aguilera shoulder, bobbing and weaving whenever there's separation, frequently making Chris miss over the top. Ropes: 'Tina grimacing as she's slugged into the cables again: Jessi pushing her forehead into Chrissy's shoulder, nudging her that extended left-elbow to prop. Thumping work dished out - Jessica digging at Chrissy's tummy, then shoveling up into that bulging rack. Aguilera visibly breaking down, mouth open as Jessi starts to pile on the 3 punch sequences. Bell: Jessica pumping right hands to Chrissy's gut late, forces 'Tina to her knees. Not a knockdown: Jessi pulled away by her arm and given a stern shake. Aguilera a little weepy, hugging her battered guts.

R4: Jessica hurtling into Christina, leg-driving her to the Aguilera corner, giving her a tough bracing of shoulder blocks to rack. Aguilera's head whiplashing as she's bumped - she's all jostled and disheveled, clearly unravelling. Jessica releases the hounds: pumping lefts and rights take Chris in her tummy, beating her breathless; Jess reaches in under Aguilera's arms, stacking her rough into ropes, then POUNDING THAT RACK! Crowd roaring to it's feet as defenseless Aguilera gives away jug on the cheap: Jessica snarling, hup-hup-hupping rising lefts and rights into Chrissy's heavy jug-meat. Aguilera's head lolling, hands dropping; she slumps to a seat in ropes, sobbing as Simpsy rampages. OH THE HUMANITY! Jessica just helping herself, buttocks ringing as she bumps up into Christina's defenceless rack, beating that bra a terrible buffetting. THE REF STEPS IN! Weepy Christina blubbering in protest, but the official had no choice. TKO4 in welcome-back-the-the-FCBA fashion - Jessica Simpson!

After: Disciplined, tight punching effort from Simpson: a far cry from the often wild, counter-productive brawling we've seen from her in the past. Aguilera blubbering in her corner when Simpsy comes for her: Christina crying out, turning into the ropes to wrap her arms around the top strand while looping her left leg over a middle rope. Simpson reaching in 'round the waist from behind, reefing at Chrissy, trying to gut-wrench the sobbing songstress off the ropes. Job of work, but jiggling persistence pays off as eventually, Aguilera's peeled free, then spun to the canvas as Simpson lifts Chris off her feet to toss her. Aguilera spluttering on all fours when Simpsy barrels into her - curvy legs churning as Jess lowers her head, bowling Chris onto her back like somebody running a catcher for a play-at-the-plate. Simpsy atop Chris, but still 'Tina struggles, rolling to her left, trying to belly-down. Jess reaches her left arm in under 'Tina's right arm, wrestling her to her back - only to have Chris squirm to her right. Again, Jess slides her right arm in under Chrissy's left, wrestling the girl to her back, trying to scoot forward for chest-smother. 'Tina sobbing out, gulps her hips, trying to throw Jessica off: Simpson riding it out, digging into canvas with her knees, trying to press Chris flat before proceeding. Aguilera's writhing struggles crowd-pleasing, but doomed: she's tiring fast, slowly giving up position as Jessica's body presses down the resistance. Smiling, Jessica finally shunts forward, encasing Chrissy's face in jug, holding Aguilera in place with both hands in Chrissy's damp blonde hair, elbows in close to either side of Christina's head. Aguilera's hands push at Jessi's trembling lats, then reach up behind Jess to pull at her shoulders, but there's no dislodging her. Aguilera's writhing legs eventually go still - spreading out straight against canvas; her hands push gently at Jessi's hips as Simpsy rocks slightly atop her girl, grinning in satisfaction. Jessica's long blonde hair cascades down either side of the trapped woman's head; Jessica's strong back glistens sweaty in the harsh overhead light as she lays atop her girl, using up every last drop of poor 'Tina. "You're not supposed to struggle," Jessica says in RACK magazine following the fight. "It's JMD rules: I'm supposed to just get the smother after I stop her. I wouldn't have given her the full dose if she'd just given up what was mine. But if a girl makes me go in and take it - even after I knock her out? I'm taking everything she's got."

Comments (0)

You don't have permission to comment on this page.