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31 July 2010 Pre Fight London PPV

Page history last edited by Archer844 13 years, 8 months ago

London, England PPV (Red Carpet Arrivals)

Posted by simguy on 7/31/2010, 7:26 am

NOTE: The fights are actual results (Archer, pls record them for posterity). Official Results by Simguy© from his patented method; verbose narrative by simgrrl w/simguy’s input. Thanks sim! These bouts came about after the exhibition bout by Charlize Theron with Candice Swanepoel in South Africa during the World Cup (see separate post!) The hard feelings generated there, resulted in the events you are about to read below.
BUT FIRST…ON THE RED CARPET

Among the personalities photographed/interviewed on the red carpet (list from reports in the English tabloid press, so cannot be verified as to accuracy). Several celebrities arrived together, but readers should notread anything into; or assume romantic liaisons exist since many of these relationships are based on business ties or friendship of long standing…

Karen Gillan (Amy Pond in BBC’s ‘Dr. Who’): "One must support thespians. It’s not often we Brits get a chance to lord it over the Yanks."

Liz Hurley & Catherine Zeta Jones (actresses) Both giggled and gushed in unison, "Any chance to see ‘The Golden Girl’ on her bum is just too, too, juicy to resist. We’ve plans for later, so I hope Gemma, Lily and what’s that American’s name? The one who’s fighting Cathy Bell? We just hope they don’t take too long putting those tarts away. We’ve places to go and people to party with!"

Michael Douglas (American actor): "You’re kidding right? All those boobs and buns jiggling in tiny little outfits…just don’t tell Catherine, she thinks she brought me here against my will."

Gemma Atkinson (tabloid pg 3 model) "Clearly, Lily Cole’s the big draw for me. You always want to see one of your own do well in these things - although if Lil comes out of it with a shiner or a bent beak, that’d be awesome, wouldn’t it?"

Kate Winslet (Oscar winning actress) "I heard they’re raising funds for charity so I wouldn’t miss it. Of course, any opportunity to see Theron get her nose broken would just be icing on the cake. Speaking of cake…"

Kelly Brook and Jennifer Ellison (models) "We’re here to support Gemma and Lily. England RULES!"

Kate Beckinsale (actress) "I love Gemma; she rocks. Me and her might party all night after she cold cocks Kurylenko. Oh shit! Can I say ‘cold cocks’ on the tele?"

Cate Blanchett (actress) "Like everything these days, this seems to be all about Theron. Personally, I can’t wait to see her trollied out on her back."

Keira Knightley (actress) "I’m here for a good cause," she grinned. "I’m looking for a role…any role."

Penelope Cruz (Spanish actress) "Celebrating our World Cup with Char and Cat, what else! I see big things in their future."

Paris & Nicky Hilton (American heiresses) "No, nobody paid us to come here tonight! We only came because we’re hoping to see Charlize get what she so richly deserves…maybe she’ll return to the FCBA, but (Paris) hopes she’ll end up doing those slutty apartment wrestling shows. But whatever she does, we ‘sincerely’ wish her nothing but the best."

Reese Witherspoon (Yank actress) "Supporting my new partners, of course, and meeting with Sam Mendes about a project."

Juliette Binoche (French actress) "I was in town for another event and when I heard ‘pretty girls fighting in bikini’s’ I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see that. What French woman would not want to see that?"
Sophie Marceau (French actress) "I’m a Olga Kurylenko fan. She’s the hottest thing from Eastern Europe since Sputnik."

Karen and Kate Elson (models) "We’re here for Lily…oh, and Gemma too. Long as that skank Kurylenko doesn’t win, we’ll be happy." Asked about Cole, Karen shrugged. Kate said, "Oh sure, we want her to win…but we compete with her for work, so while we hope she wins, but it won’t break our heart if she gets a black eye or something, y’know?"

Helen Mirren (Oscar winning British actress) "To be honest, I don’t much care for blood and guts; but I think it would be wonderful if the older lady…Bell?…if she were to win. You can’t ever say a woman is over the hill, now can you! Why just the other day a promoter chatted me up about going a few rounds with Dame Judi Dench - for a good cause. He swears it’s better than Viagra."

Lynn Redgrave (British Icon) "Is there a fight tonight? I was on my way to a play down the street and saw the crowd. Who’s fighting, anyone we know?"

Miranda Richardson (British actress) "Blood and guts. This is going to be more charge than a Sylvester Stallone cinema."

Isabelle Huppert & Emmanuelle Béart (French actresses): Asked why they’re here, they responded, "La déesse d'or, bien sûr."

Emily Watson (English girl) "It’s magic! I just wish it was Keira and me fighting instead of those old tarts…and in bikini’s for goodness sake - at their ages! They should be ashamed."

Miranda Otto (British actress): Yawns, "My agent said a little publicity couldn’t hurt, so here I am."

Charlotte Rampling & Ludivine Sagnier (French actresses) "No comment…no photographs." Then they kiss long and lingering, and the paparazzi goes crazy snapping pics anyway!! Those crazy French girls.

Nicole Kidman & Naomi Watts (Australian actresses) "It’s all about Charlize, isn’t it, hon? Anytime anything ‘unfortunate’ happens to her, it’s a good day for us. Don’t much care who puts her on her bum, long as she ends up on it," Naomi gushed excitedly. Nicole adds seriously, "It really should be Nomi in the new ‘Mad Max.’ Honestly, she’s the superior actress."

Sophia Myles & Tilda Swinton: "We’re off to party as soon as this is done. The clubs should be rocking by then."

Julie Benz (Desperate Housewives lesbian) "I was on my way home from a vacation in Tuscany when I heard Charlie and Cat were going to be playing so I figured ‘what the hell.’ My concierge scored a couple of tickets, so I’m hoping to hook up with an English girl. You know anyone whose available?"

Dame Judi Dench & Daniel Craig (English actors) "We’re supporting our ‘Quantum’ costars Olga and Gemma. I’m just hoping to see a smashing show and that no one gets hurt too badly," Dame Judi gushed. "I’m looking for work," Craig joked, holding up a sign, ‘Will Act for Food’ to the paparazzi a reference to the cancellation of the next Bond film.

Candice Swanepoel (So. African model/actress): "I thought I should show up to support Charlize after the opportunity she gave me to showcase my stuff. My agent and Theron’s manager are discussing making our relationship permanent."

Diablo Cody (Screenwriter): "I’m doing research. I have an option from Ashton Kutcher’s production company to do a screenplay about celebrity fighting. I’m studying Charlize and Cat Bell, maybe model a couple in the book on them."

Kate Moss (British model): "I’m just following Amy Winehouse around, trying to pick up some tips."

Sophie Anderton (British model): "Gemma and Lily are why I came. You have to support your fellow models, after all, one never knows when one may need someone to back her up when she’s down."

Madonna (Internationally famous): "I’m waiting for Pink and Lady Gaga…aren’t they in the main event? No? Well, they should be!"

Amy Winehouse (English drug addict): She mumbled something incomprehensible. When the tape was replayed several times… it still didn’t make any sense.

Now, let’s go inside and join our ringside announcers for the fights on tonight’s PPV card….