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31 July 2019 Jennifer Lawrence vs Charlotte McKinney

Page history last edited by caspian2 4 years, 2 months ago

Posted by HBO's Boxing At The Asylum on Aug 1, 2019 at 2:13am

BEFORE:

"She's no cream puff," says JLaw with a shake of the head. "She's beaten some solid fighters. She can fight. But. She's not as good as I am. As I'm about to demonstrate."

"She's right about one thing," says a hard-eyed Charlotte. "I'm no cream puff. That whole 'not as good as she is' thing? THAT'S where she's wrong."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and that's 'Fever' by the Black Keys, the favorite band of the young lady coming to the ring right now, Chimera's own Jennifer Lawrence..."

McCarthy: "Lawrence is no Palicki or Nolin, but, she's an actual REAL fighter...which is a rarity around here."

O'Dell: "Lawrence getting quite the pop from the crowd on the way down to the ring. She climbs in and is helped off with the robe and there's an even BIGGER pop when the crowd gets a look at JLaw in that maya blue number she's wearing..."

All I want to eat is cherry licorice

I don't care if it sounds ridiculous

Even the bird and the bees

Eat how they damn well please

McCarthy: "STILL the dumbest song of all time..."

O'Dell: "And, that would be 'Cherry Licorice' by the Felice Brothers, and that can only mean that Agent 00DDD herself, Charlotte McKinney, is coming to the ring..."

Cassie: "Here's the part where Mac says that's the dumbest nickname of all time..."

McCarthy: "The good news is, I won't have to put up with it much longer, because this Dancing Hooker is on her way OUT..."

Tess: "I rarely agree with Mac, but, in this case, she COULD be right..."

McCarthy: "Of COURSE I'm right, Walmart! I'm an EXPERT on boxing!"

O'Dell (sighing): "McKinney into the ring and helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve to reveal that blue two-piece we've seen before..."

Cassie: "And, the crowd clearly likes..."

O'Dell: "Certainly does. Ladies about ready to go. Time for some picks. Tess likes Lawrence. Mac?"

McCarthy: "Lawrence is going to send this Dancing Hooker PACKING!"

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess!"

O'Dell: "There's the bell, and McKinney wasting no time going after J-Law. Lawrence standing right there and banging back and we've got a FIREFIGHT in the opening seconds and LAWRENCE IS HURT! A BOOMING right hand from Charlotte and Jennifer staggers and nearly goes down!"

Tess: "Crowd going NUTS!"

O'Dell: "And, so is McKinney! Charlotte throwing everything but the kitchen sink at Lawrence, looking for a huge, shocking result here. J-Law REELING, backed to the ropes now and taking heavy fire from seemingly every direction. She's got the hands high, leaning back into the ropes, running clock..."

Cassie: "And, making sure to jab back in spots to keep the ref from ending it..."

O'Dell: "And, for the moment, she's keeping him at bay. We're down to twenty seconds remaining. McKinney making every one of them count, BOMBING the woozy Lawrence with everything in the arsenal, but it won't be enough. There's the bell, and J-Law avoids first round disaster...."

Tess: "But, McKinney's got it wide and leads 10-9."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "McKinney pressing the advantage early, walking Lawrence down, using the hard, accurate left jab to set her up for right hand power shots. J-Law retreating, mostly in good order, but she's retreating and THEN SHE'S NOT! A right-hand counter and McKinney is HURT!"

McCarthy: "GREAT shot by Lawrence!"

O'Dell: "And this fight has turned a complete 180! J-Law letting the hands go now, backing up a buzzed McKinney. Charlotte pinned to the cables as her rival begins getting off all KINDS of lusty, hammering away to head and body, sitting down on everything while the referee watches closely..."

Tess: "McKinney doing just enough, like J-Law did last round..."

O'Dell: "She's keeping the ref from stepping in, but no more than that. It's all Lawrence as we head into the final seconds. J-Law may not find the finisher here, but she's definitely turned the fight. Five seconds to go. GOOD right from Lawrence and there's the bell. Jennifer. Wide."

Cassie: "And, we're even at 19."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Lawrence in total control as we start the third. She's got Charlotte wobbly and on the back foot and aims to keep her there. She's walking McKinney down, just like the Front Streeter was doing to J-Law herself early in the last stanza. Jennifer committing on punches, piling up points and hurt."

Tess: "And, staying very sound. Mindful of a counter like the one she landed last round."

O'Dell: "McKinney, for her part, giving ground, covering up, playing defense, playing for time to try to get those legs back under her. Lawrence a SOLID combination there! That forced Charlotte to cover up and J-Law responds by digging some body. McKinney clinching now."

Cassie: "Got to be impressed with Lawrence. Uncle Wiz says she's a champ in waiting, and she definitely looks the part right now."

O'Dell: "Thirty seconds remaining in what's been a dominant round for J-Law. Lawrence digging some body as McKinney keeps the guard high. Charlotte tying up. J-Law punching free, backing McKinney up with a good combination and there's the bell. Second straight to J-Law wide."

McCarthy: "And, Lawrence is up 29-28."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "J-Law continuing with the pressure to start the fourth, but, Charlotte holding canvas now and banging back! And, the ladies are LETTING THE HANDS GO in the center of the ring right now, as Lawrence tries to continue imposing will and McKinney's not having any!"

Cassie: "There are some BOMBS being traded right now..."

O'Dell: "Sure are, and nobody's taking a backward step. And, eventually, it's J-Law who uses some discretion here, breaking off, circling, setting up at range. McKinney willing to box with, and the terms change completely as we begin the second half of the round."

McCarthy: "Nice adjustment by Lawrence. She's got the lead here. She's the better fighter. No need for her to trade shots with this overrated Dancing Hooker!"

O'Dell: "Final thirty seconds, and it's been a near-run thing this stanza. Ladies getting their box on as we head to the bell. Lawrence, perhaps, gaining a slight edge here, but that's doing no more than offsetting the slight edge McKinney had in the heavy trades early. There's the bell. Nothing it in. Even round."

Tess: "Which leaves Lawrence on top by one, 39-38."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Back to boxing in the fifth. Lawrence moving very well as always. You can definitely see why she was a factor at light. No doubt she has the athleticism to compete in a very athletic division. But, she also has the size and power to compete at welter, and, add in that athleticism, Mac..."

McCarthy: "Exactly, Jenny. She's a champion in waiting at welter."

Cassie: "Which, as I pointed out, is EXACTLY what Uncle Wiz says..."

McCarthy: "Weirdo wouldn't know a fighter if one fell out of the sky and landed in his lap...which is the ONLY way a girl with any kind of MORALS would end up anywhere NEAR that lech!"

Tess: "Says the woman who became famous by STRIPPING..."

McCarthy: "I...YOU...SHUT UP, WALMART!"

O'Dell: "Drink up, boys, as we head down the stretch in a competitive fifth round. Both fighters have had their moments in this one, but, once again, at range, it's been Lawrence who's had the slight edge. One last exchange and there's the bell. Close, but the points go to Lawrence."

McCarthy: "And, Weirdo's Dancing Hooker is now down 49-47 at the half."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Back to ranged warfare. Lawrence using the jab very, very well. Setting up hard right hands. She's putting punches together right now, tossing McKinney onto the defensive and then GETTING ROCKED! Charlotte a right hand and Lawrence is GOBSMACKED, stumbling back into the cables..."

Cassie: "Ropes are the only thing that held her up!"

O'Dell: "And, McKinney letting the hands go now, POUNDING away at J-Law, looking to finish this thing right now. Lawrence hanging on in a high guard, leaning back into the ropes, rolling with all that heavy leather. Charlotte just REEFING punches at the reeling Jennifer..."

McCarthy: "Lawrence in SERIOUS trouble...ref not going to watch much more of this..."

O'Dell: "Twenty seconds left in the round. McKinney a SOLID right hand that shook J-Law. Not sure what's holding Lawrence up or the referee at bay, but something is, and, whatever it is is going to keep Jennifer in the fight. There's the bell. Lawrence still standing. But, McKinney wide."

Tess: "Lawrence still up, though, 58-57."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "McKinney all OVER Lawrence early in the seventh. J-Law still hurt and Charlotte KNOWS it. McKinney sitting down on punches, backing up her rival and then DROPPING HER with a right hand! Lawrence blown to her back by a BOOMING right from the Front Streeter!"

Tess: "Not sure she's getting up from THAT one..."

O'Dell: "McKinney to a neutral corner. Referee's count at three. Four. Five. Lawrence sitting up at six. Turning to the ropes and pulling herself up. Seven. Eight. And, she's on her feet. Referee giving her the mandatory and looking very closely as he does so. He's waiving on Charlotte..."

Cassie: "Didn't think he would..."

O'Dell: "Still a minute to go, and it's going to be a long minute for Lawrence, because McKinney is LETTING HER HAVE IT. Charlotte PUMMELING J-Law back into the ropes and tossing everything in the arsenal at her. Ref again looking in as McKinney shakes Lawrence again and again with hard shot, but, again, those great legs hold J-Law up. And, she makes it to the bell! Huge round for McKinney, though. Charlotte, 10-8."

McCarthy: "And, the Dancing Hooker goes ahead 67-66."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "McKinney continuing to punish Lawrence. J-Law in reverse as she has been for the past two rounds. Charlotte sitting down on her punches, getting the power shots on target, shaking Lawrence again and again. Got to wonder how much more of this Jennifer can take, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Give her credit for hanging in there, but she's got to get her front stabilized..."

O'Dell: "But, Charlotte having none of that. She's continuing to punish her rival with heavy leather. J-Law jabbing back here and there, scoring in the counter, but not managing much more than that. Instead, it's McKinney, McKinney, and more McKinney at the moment."

Tess: "Charlotte just can't find the 'off' switch."

O'Dell: "But, not for lack of trying. She's flipping every switch she can find, but none of them are cutting the power to J-Law's legs. Lawrence tying up, now, playing for time. Just ten seconds to go in the eight. One more hard shot by Charlotte and there's the bell. McKinney and wide again in the eighth."

Cassie: "And, Charlotte's up 77-75 with two to go."

ROUND NINE:

O'Dell: "Ninth begins the way the eighth ended, with McKinney coming forward and Lawrence giving ground. Charlotte's used quite a bit of energy in the past few rounds, but she's clearly in top shape, because she's not slowing down at all. Instead, she's keeping the pressure on the retreating J-Law..."

McCarthy: "Going to say it again. Lawrence is running out of time."

O'Dell: "J-Law tying up again. McKinney punching free, backing up the older blonde with a solid combination. Lawrence trying to circle a little, get off square. Charlotte stepping to, cutting off J-Law and GETTING DROPPED BY A BOOMING RIGHT hand from Jennifer!"

Cassie: "Lawrence walked her into that!"

O'Dell: "Charlotte drops face first at Jennifer's feet! Lawrence stepping over the prone form of McKinney to head for a neutral corner. Referee's count at three. Four. Five. Six. This is academic, gang. Charlotte not moving at all. She is down and she is OUT. Nine. TEN! It's OVER! And your winner by KO9 in comeback fashion is Jennifer Lawrence!"

Tess: "This is NOT going to go over well in the owner's box..."

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I have our winner, Jennifer Lawrence, and, J-Law, plenty of power punches landed in there tonight..."

Jennifer (nodding): "Yeah. She can punch. But, as she just found out, so can I."

Tess: "People have been talking for a long time about you being a future champion..."

Jennifer (smiling): "And, just maybe, the future is NOW."