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31 Oct 2008 Kristen Kreuk vs Avril Lavigne

Page history last edited by Archer844 10 years, 3 months ago

Kristin Kreuk 09.jpgAvril Lavigne.jpg

 

Unified Flyweight Title

 

Posted by simguy on 10/31/2008

 

Before: Evolution of a tiny tyrant: Kreuk a grinning, sun-glass wearing diva at most press junkets - flanked by body guards and entourage members: latest circus fight a slap in the face to every fighting celebrity in the 110 pound class. "Look, Amy Jo Johnson, Nat Portman, Lindsay - whoever," Kreuk says in prefight, "they can stew all they want. The fact remains that Avril Lavigne has got as good a chance to beat me as they do - maybe better since I've never seen her fight." Kreuk not alone in that department: far as anyone knows, Lavigne has no pro rounds, leading many to wonder how this fight could have been sanctioned in the first place. Avril in black bra; red/black miniskirt over solid red lollipop trunks; special boxing boots made by Doc Martens; small black work out gloves. Kris in purple string bikini; small black work out gloves; black high-top boxing shoes.

 

During R1: Avril looking to reach back righty and swing hard: Kris quickly upon her, jabbing blondie to tip of nose, forcing Lavigne to cover up in confusion. Kreuk stalking - hands in loose stack right atop left at her midriff: she leans in close, chopping the knife-edge of her right hand in over Lavigne's left hip, bringing the mitt back quick to the stack position. Lavigne snarling, showing heart sans skill: she's backing up, trying to get room to sweep-swing. Kris edging in - staying inside the arc of Avril's punching: little brunette quickly assessing that close=safe. Bobbing, weaving under looping blonde wish-punching - Kreuk calmly gets after torso - often chopping with knife edges in above hips (illegal); working paunch with tuff little left/right shrugging action digs. Bell: Avs winded - exhausting herself with her own haymakers, and thoroughly touched about the body as Kreuk works on her ground game through 1.

 

R2: Similar stuff - Kreuk circling early, feinting, looking for entry points as Avril's swinging lusty: once little brunette weaves in, she's more or less safe, fighting in tight. Lavigne pushing against Kris inside, but unable to tighten up stroke and work: Kreuk dipping side to side, tidying up midsection/ribs/hips - chopping, cuffing and digging up blonde. Avril doing surface damage only - clouting away on Kreuk's upperback - often with forearms as the fists miss the mark.

 

R3: Sloppiness early as Avril's glommed on, trying to throw Kris back: Kreuk stumbling in the grasp as the two gyrate. Kris steps back - never sees the wild-sweeping right that takes her across the left eyebrow. KRISTIN KREUK IS SHOOK! Kris stamping away suddenly wobbly-butt - hands quick to her temples - smirk replaced with a vexed, startled expression. Krissy leaping away on instinct - right into the trajectory of Avril's long-sweeping haymakers: champ rudely buffeted to ropes before she can stabilize her front. Avril over-eager - galvanized by the sight of hurt Kreuk and the feel of successfully landed blows in her own arms and shoulders - she pours in, effectively smothering herself. Kris cute off the ropes, letting Avril give up distance - then snugly chopping into her. Kreuk tucked in low - left shoulder in Avril's chest as Krissy bumps/swats/chops the body, wearing Lavigne out. Avril arm-punching by the bell, dragging in breath through open mouth: singer not in fight-condition - clearly unable to sustain offensive operations.

 

R4: Kris able to work with impunity: Avril's gassed - walking around with hands at her sides whenever Kreuk's not in the immediate vicinity. Kris curving in, weaving low under Lavigne's desperate swings: lithe brunette sets up close-in, looking to tuck body shots. Deliberate strategy on Kreuk's part - she's clearly using the opportunity to work on her inside game - doing a nice job of bobbing Avril's work while tidying up torso in response. Lavigne cringing, crying out now as those cruel knife-edge side-chops and digging short-shrug pumpers to midsection and sternum take increasing effect. Several occasions see Avs miss a gigantic right over the top, spin herself 'round as Kreuk gathers her up from behind, hugging Lavigne loosely around tummy for ref's break. Kris grinning almost sleepily with her chin on Avril's shoulder in these moments; Lavigne tossing her head back in disappointment as she's wrapped up and held helpless.

 

R5: Kris back into Lavigne with chopping, tucking body-swat: Avril grunting, backing up, no longer punching back. Lavigne a shabby mess - crying as she palms Krissy's shoulder and pushes her off...only to see Kris weave her way back in to continue the torment. Kreuk happy in her work - head or either shoulder often touching against Avril just before a tidy blow is tucked home: Kris very compact tonight, elbows in close to her body, very little arm swing on the shots. Ref barking a steady stream of warnings as Kris continues to knife-edge in above Avril's hips with either hand: Lavigne crying out, simply unable to answer the torture. Constant clean up finally breaks down Avril's legs - she spills along ropes to her right, tripping herself up and dumping to all fours half way through the round. That's it - Avril gasping, trying to rally off her knees, but it's no go. Heartless KO5, Kristin Kreuk.

 

After: Black eye for boxing as essentially untrained Avril is tragically beaten before a national audience - appalling ego-stroke for Kreuk who gets to showcase herself all night long. Lavigne wins 1 round and roughens up Krissy's left eye: it'll be something Avril can tell her grandchildren about.

 

Something else for the grandchildren: Wolfpack lopes into the ring - pushing Avril's people aside and pulling the weepy blonde to her feet. Kris pushes Avril face first into turnbuckles; leans into Avril's back with her own back, reaching down to pull up Lavigne's skirt, revealing those bright cherry lollipop trunks. "Look - she's blushing!" Kris shouts as Pack sniggers. Everyone mounts in long, greasy turns - as though Charlize Theron herself had been beaten tonight. Lavigne distraught, confused as she's positioned front and back against turnbuckles - pushed, jostled, and pressed upon by a gloating pack. Plenty of boos from fans and fighters alike as the sheer self-congratulatory orgy reaches obscene new lows.

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