by Simguy on 03/05/2005

Before: Cougars getting their collective butts kicked lately - Lisa Rinna eschewing the label and promising a much different outcome against young Jessica Alba. "You take a cheap slut like, say - Brandy Ledford or Courtney Thorne Smith - those girls are clearly past it - they're basically getting paid to take punches. I'm still at my physical and mental peak - I'm tougher, faster and stronger than any woman my size in the sport - realistically you can't compare me to these shopworn 'cougars'."

Alba sporting blonde locks, glorying in her youth: she doesn't see Rinna's point. "Maybe Lisa doesn't see the crow's feet, but I sure do! She's a shabby old wreck and it'll be my pleasure to throw her on the scrap heap along with these other creaky old goats. I'm-a dress her up - you won't be disappointed."

Jessica in brown bikini, blonde hair up in a messy ponytail - Rinna in peach twist-tie halter top, navy boy cut bottoms - small gloves both vixens.

During R1: Cat-prowl footwork from Alba - rolling her shoulders as she circles, hands loose, low. Jessica with sinewy head-feints, dropping her hands and swaying away from Rinna's rangefinders, dragging her front foot as she slides back and looks to walk Rinna into slinging check-hooks. Lisa comparatively upright, rigid and responsible - hands nice and high, chin tucked, coming up short with her jab but throwing it nonetheless. Jessica stooping to slop her jab backhand against Rinna's tummy, straightening to jab off the front foot up top, leaving the hand out there to playfully slap and chisel at Rinna's face, pestering her, screening her for slinging right hands. Lisa polished and buffed, relatively unhurt, but late the round, Alba kicks it up a notch. Jess prowling right, shimmies her shoulders, freezing Rinna, then NAILING Lisa a ploughing hesitation right on the chops. Lisa's butt shoots back, torso forward - Alba drops her right hand and lifts a glorious left uppercut square to Rinna's sternum and smiling wide at Lisa's tortured moan. Pretty sidestep Jessica - allows Rinna to stumble face first into ropes - bell sounds before Jessica can tart Lisa up proper.

R2: Rinna durable, shaking off Alba's sinewy sock - Lees back out with a firm stick, slowly taking the ring away from Jessica. Alba hounded to a neutral corner - she bounces off adjacent ropes, slick-n-pretty, but Rinna reads it, steps over and meets Jess with a clouting left/right tidy on the chops. Rinna bumping Alba to ropes - Lisa right hand at temple as she dips-n-hooks Alba's midriff with authority. Alba grunting, covering up and bending forward to rub tousle with Rinna - they're in there toe to toe, trading limber licks to rib and jug. Lisa bullying Jessica, shouldering her off, steadily beating the nubile young woman's body - ALBA'S HURT! Down the stretch, Jessica's lips peel back in anguish - she reaches to clinch and EATS UPPERCUT ON THE CHOPS! Jessica flung back ragdoll - Rinna swinging away rights and lefts - poor Alba battered senseless as ref jumps in to enforce the bell. Lisa shouting hard taunts at woozy Jessica, earning a hurting glare from the ingenue: Rinna positively muscular through 2.

R3: Rinna taking the fight to Alba now, hunting her down with jabs to the shoulder, chest and abs, steering her to ropes, then crowding to bang away ribs. Alba legging the perimeter - covering up and leaning forward whenever Rinna squares up, taking a few body shots, then squirming out of Dodge to lead Lisa on. Alba being outworked, but she's so limber, flashy with those cranking hooks to midsection or swiped to jaw she's stealing attention from the more effective Rinna. Down the stretch, Alba loping to a spot near the ropes, bending low at the waist - she coaxes Rinna in, then LIGHTS HER UP! Jessica slipping under a pushy Rinna one-two - Alba oily out of her crouch, pulling a clouting left onto jaw, then bending left to sweep the gangly right flat to jaw, sidestepping prettily as RINNA FALLS INTO THE ROPES! Lisa on her knees, arms through the ropes, face blank with shock - she fumbles, claws her way to her feet at 10 and THE REF WAVES IT OFF! Dazed Rinna breaking down into tears of disappointment as she lowers her head to the man's shoulder - Alba strutting around hand high the TKO3 winner.

After: Some boos as a beaming Jessica Alba takes the daytime star for a smug walk of shame: blonde with a strong right arm around Rinna's square hips - Jessica waving to her fans and enjoying herself at Lisa's expense. Rinna certainly in the fight and doing the right thing by going to Alba's wriggling torso with both guns - but Jessica Alba's got that slinging sock, especially from that sweet spot against the ropes she loves.

"Bring 'em all on," crows Alba in postfight. "I'll finish what Britney started on Dushku. I'll give that tramp Megan Fox the beating she deserves. I'll torture Kaley - I mean just take that tramp apart. It's finally my time and I'm bangin' out all comers!"