BOXING ON THE BEACH

Posted by Simguy on 4/6/2003, 11:50 am.

Before: “Tastes Great” side keeping a low profile—Ballinger took a drubbing from Baker  last time out and blonde still looks a little spanked. Kitana’s doing all the talking. “I came out swinging last time because I really wanted to break Tanya’s spirit and show her who’s boss,” breezes the confident brunette, “but I’ve got primetime skills and I want to show people that I’m more than just a brawler. I feel I can carry Tanya a little, break her down professionally and finish her off whenever I feel like it, To me, this fight’s a showcase, not a competition.” Beach and Bleachers set up—Kitana in black bra and semi-boy cut panties. Tanya in leopard print bra, red panties, Special Guest Referee Pamela Anderson in pink bikini top, gold belly chain, tawdry see-through pink waist-wrap to add a thin veneer of what? Credibility?

During R1: Girls launching into each other with reckless abandon, wrestling andf stumbling in a mutual clinch. Kitana emerges with Tonya’s head comfy in the crook of brunette’s left arm—Baker reaching waaay back and delivering a sweeping right that rocks Tanya’s head back in a cascading arc of long blonde hair, From there, breathless slugging by both beauties, chests out, chins up, catfighting snarls and wild eyes as Baker proceeds to slobberknock her foe across the ring. Kitana just beating Ballinger to wide wallops across the face and bulging jugs, keeping it up until the blonde wilts forward off the ropes,  covered up and whimpering, Job of work for Kitana to press Tanya back upright, trap the blonde’s right arm and hold her steady for plunging right hanfs to the tanned midriff. Kitty body-on to the bell, holding, hitting, palming her girtl open for more abuse as Ballinger soaks it up.

R2: Girls wading into each other, standing and delivering with the same insane swinging roundhouses, Simultaneous rights and lefts from both battlers—Tanya’s clouting Kitana back and forth across the face, juuust beating the brunette to punches and backing her up in steady retreat. AND KITANA SCOOTS TO HER BUTT! Kitty on her backside, looking up in shock as though Tanya’s just broken some immutable law of physics—Baker up on trembling legs, corners of her lips turning down as Pammy issues 8, then quickly steps aside while waving Tanya on in. Ballinger hungry-eyed, steps-to and starts BELTING away! Wide lefts and rights sweep across proud brunette jug, bat exotic brunette face side to side. No sign of advanced skills or even rudimentary defense from prime-time Kitana—she’s taking walloping blows to face and moneymakers, hands at stomach height as she wilts to a seat in the ropes and IT’S OVER!  Pam steps in, waving  this thing off, then promptly hugging Tanya as the two blondes jump up and down in celebration.. Baker woozy, unsupported, stumbles to all fours as Pam lifts Tanya’s mitt in victory—KO2 Ballinger.

After: Sweet revenge as Tastes Great pounds out Less Filling against the ropes. Kitana swelling up nicely, complaining bitterly about some kind of nefarious blonde conspiracy—but Tanya got all she wanted of baker’s zeppelinesque melons and beautiful face with shellacking, determined blockbusters that had nothing to do with Pam. Wildly entertaining slugfest satisfies the beer guzzling mob in attendance, all are thankful that Kitana never got a chance to “showcase” her skills, if indeed any exist at all.

Reposted by Archer 12/25/09