Charlize Theron vs. Rebecca Romijn (@ welter) by simguy 3-6-04

Last time we saw these two, Charlize presented her cheek for a battered Romijn to slap, neatly punking Becky into submission as Romijn couldn't make eye-contact - one wonders what's left to prove here.

"Charlize has it in for some girls," notes one BLONDE! contributor, "and Becky's one of 'em. Theron doesn't like to move on until she's really left her mark on a girl - that means repeated beatings until a girl knows her place. Rebecca's a proud blonde, one of our best, and she knows Charlize humiliated her last time out - but Becky's pride is what attracts Theron in the first place: any sign of spirit in an opponent and Charlize wants to be there to stamp it out."

Charlize in cream bikini, Rebecca in rust bikini, gold connective loops hips and tits.

(Sound bite from the press conference - Theron wondering loud, "how many times has Becky been nominated for a Best Actress Oscar? Oh that's right: none.")

Rd 1: Charlize showboating shamelessly, hands at her stomach, lips pursed, hands rolling, shoulders shrugging as she twists her torso to show different looks. Becky not impressed, staying disciplined - she's boxing Theron close over the first two minutes, content to let Charlize be the flashy one. Final minute, Theron hands at her thighs, wiggling, leaning forward, bending back, then swinging in a slinging right 'round Romjin's guard and BECKY'S PUT WOBBLY BUTT! Romijn dismayed as her legs give way, spilling her to ropes - grinning Charlize steps-to, hands still low, tarting Beck up with jabs, then carrying thick right hand flat to midriff, sitting Romijn groaning in the ropes at the bell. Theron taunting, chesting up - ref pulls aggressive minx away as Romijn grimaces, slinks to her corner.

Rd 2: Charlize gliding to establish her legs, circling Romijn, dictating position to her. Becky looks tight, dukes up, face strained with concentration - Theron all loosey-goosey in contrast. Charlize lifting jabs off her hip, slapping wide with one hand, trying to pick up Romijn rugged and short with the other. Theron not just boxing - she'll pick spots to edge in and go after Becky, looting her goodies on the inside as Romijn is banged into retreat.

Rd 3: Romijn with a very consistent round - again, Theron much flashier with the hands-down look, but Becky not outlegged or outboxed as she steps and jabs effectively with Charlize. Theron leaning away but getting tagged right hands - long limbed Romijn finding the range in dominating the first two minutes. All for naught: Theron gets one of her sneaky pull-counters in late - leaning back to fade the jab, then bringing the right hand limber off her thigh to clock Becky's jaw. Romijn bunching up, left foot coming off the canvas - she's badly rocked and Theron just STANDS there grinning, hands at her side, loving the sight of Becky trying to shake off the shock. Charlize steals a Romijn round, diligently building a commanding lead on the cards.

Rd 4: Romijn wants to brawl, advancing with her arms outstretched, looking to palm up, then bring the fight to Theron's body, but Charlize welcomes her in. Long limbed blondes lean in, lap it up downstairs - gorgeous galloping romps amidships, both ways - both girls tearing it up with lanky, supple leverage. Midway through, Theron steps out onto her back foot, lures Beck forward and swipes a hook across Romjin's available chin and THERE GO BECKY'S LEGS AGAIN! Romijn shook and shook bad - she staggers ropeside, raising her guard like a robot: grinnin' Charlize helps herself with raucous, sweeping lefts and rights flanks and waist. Dazed, getting busted up and broken down - Romijn shuffles away at the bell: Charlize happily helps herself to a chunk of buttock, sending Becky to her corner with a hearty spank.

Rd 5: Charlize maddening - constantly grinning, talking to Romijn, hands low, leaning forward to give Beck the chin, then slipping to the side or bending dramatically backward as Romijn punches tentatively. Theron showing versatility, taking Becky to school with counters off the slip. Romijn shoots a right - Theron slides in under, hooks clean to rib. Romijn paws the jab - Theron's deadly pull counter victimizes Becky's chin chopping right hands. Beck leans forward guard up - Charlize lathers loose-limbed to hips and midsection, licking, slicing blows, then sliding footwork to glide away. 5th round in a row - Romijn taking a good shot, competing, but being badly outclassed by a cocky Oscar winner through 5.

Rd 6: Charlize hands at her side, weaving her torso side to side, stepping back and taunting as Romijn misses and falls forward while overcommitting - Theron makes her pay. Becky reaching, Theron able to stroke a lashing right flat on the jaw - Romijn hops forward hurt and clatters awkwardly to all fours. Charlize puts her legs together, lifts her hands in a 'touchdown' stance and shouts "And the OSCAR GOES TO!" Romijn a boozy 8 - on comes Charlize. Theron loving it in there, making Beck flinch at the ropes, sticking the jab between the mitts, then slashing vicious right hands at the ribs or ear - bellowing "And the Oscar goes to!" after every connect. Romijn sliding to her right, Charlize stepping with and picking away - Theron rolling her girl up late when both girls stand up into compact hooks - CHARLIZE SCOOTS TO HER BUTT! Vindication in Romjin's puffy eyes - Theron scrambling up off the canvas, pushing against the ref to get back in there - when he sets her free it's WAR! Sizzling punches, all the taunting gone as both women mean to finish the other right here and now. Right hands whistle past vulnerable chins, both women looking to comeback with thick, slashing hooks tits and ribs. Bell sounds, both girls still trying for homeruns - ref has to take a hand.

Rd 7: Just brawling now - mindless, heartless, blonde on blonde slugging. Romijn making inroads to Theron's tits, going there with a short right hand straight off the shoulder and rising left hook licks. Theron gritting her teeth, galloping amidships with both fists - she's freezing Becky, stooping her forward huuuurt, then curling home tidy uppercuts to pick up that drowsy face. Risky, gambling stuff from both women, not a lot of defense and both are touched up - more points to Charlize as she piles up 7 straight.

Rd 8: ROMJIN RIGHT HAND! Theron's been inviting it all night, but evading it with that supple torso movement - she leans away but misjudges distance, gets caught with a hateful wallop on her jaw. Theron staggering to her right off balance, shoulder hitting the ropes - she guards up sleepy as Romijn wades on in to finish! Becky reaching in her left to push aside Charlize' right arm, then driving in a pounding right to chest, turning on the gouging up-thrusting hook to ribs. Theron soaking up a grisly beating to her torso as long Becky tightens up her strokes and loots that vulnerable breadbasket, but by the final minute, Theron's punching back! Charlize digging in, trading hooks to chin, chopping rights down onto chest, backing Becky up at the bell. Romijn breaks up the no-hitter, but can't turn the tide - Charlize recovers well on her stool, ready to redouble her effort.

Rd 9: Hard hearted, lusty punching from both women, reminiscent of Ryan/Scott. Both blondes flat footed, coaxing leverage from tired legs. Both extending the jab, then leaning in with searing rights, mopping up hooks to torso off the front foot, easing onto the back foot to change distance and reload. Punch for punch, minute for minute it's Charlize - she's tagging Romjin's chin, backing her up - Becky grimly fighting back but lumping up nicely as she drops her 8th round to a hated rival.

Rd 10: Charlize pressing the pace, stepping in close to carry a sidearm right loud to Romjin's flat belly, knuckling Romjin's shoulders to get her baby-stepping backward and hooking the taste out of her mouth as she backpedals. Charlize the bully in the first minute, but a shattering trade in blunt right hands on the mouth, followed by slick hooks at close range goes Rebecca's way - CHARLIZE IS HURT! ON COMES ROMJIN! Theron shiny-eyed, staring, stamping straight back, hands at her stomach - Becky's stepping with and bending into go-home left and right crosses, jackhammering Theron to ropes. Charlize hits strands ragdoll, head whiplashing weakly, she can't lift her mitts - Romjin’s fists take a TERRIBLE toll of Theron tasty tits and chin. Becky granite-eyed as she pours in crisscross lefts and rights, plundering her crumbling foe when CHARLIZE BRAWLS BACK! Toe to freakin' toe - blondes step into each other with short, brutal licks - crowd groaning as rights clang home to worn-out chins, lefts stick flat to trembling tummies - both girls in a used-up, hurting trance, just trying to land the last punch. Sloppy slugging on after the bell, both girls weaving on shot legs, eyes vacant, pure hatred fueling desperate mauling punches as the ref jumps in. Romijn takes a bitter 10th, but can't hold back the flood of Theron points - UD10 wide, Charlize Theron.

After: Theron all busted up and eyes swollen, lifts her mitts and falls into Janet's waiting arms at the announcement: she's just ripped Rebecca Romijn for 8 rounds and hurt the delicious blonde repeatedly in a vicious tussle. Poor Becky drained, beaten, but with some shining moments in this fight: turning back a determined Theron finishing run in the 6th, answering the knockdown; taking 2 of 3 championship rounds as Theron's form grew fatigued - but it's Charlize' night. Theron unbearable as the Oscar is trotted out for a celebratory strut; ring card girls are forced to kneel as Theron holds the statuette aloft; Romijn cornered by the victrix, trying to look away - Charlize puts Oscar in front of Becky's gaze wherever it goes, forcing her to see the glory. Charlize weilding prestige and sudden credibility like a battle axe, really rubbing Romjin's poor face in it.

++

(CT announces she’s returning to lightweight “with no more comp to conquer at welter”)