(Result:Simguy/Words:Simgrrl)

Before: Another 'grotesque mismatch' according to one ringside scribe who admits she had already written the story of the fight the same day it was announced. "I really don't understand why an old-timer like Teri Hatcher feels she has anything to prove at this point in her career," she mutters. "Hatcher's 46 years old...FORTY SIX... that's like seven dog years, and most dogs don't fight that long! It's been 15 years since she kicked Theron's ass in "2 Days in the Valley" - and it seems almost that long since she's had a legitimate FCBA fight. If this is an example of the kind of matchmaking Ginny at the Academy is going to be making, she's going to find she won't be able to give away tickets to her girl's fights."

Mandy Seyfried only slightly less critical: "Hatcher hasn't fought anyone of consequence in the FCBA in six years. I argued long and loud against this match, but when it came down to it my management insisted I had to do it. I just hope I don't hurt the old girl too badly...I don't want that on my conscience. Oh sure, she's been doing some fights with other 'seniors' and she's still much in demand on the apartment fighting circuit; but that's mainly because of her still superior rack and her willingness to put it out there rather than any ability she might once have had. Although to be brutally frank, she's never been that successful in the boxing ring. She's a one-trick pony in that regard. Once you get past her big right hand - she's had an astounding 80% of her wins by KO - but that's assuming she's still got any power left. These days, she's not just beatable, she's vulnerable."

"Everyone's going to be shocked," Teri huffs and puffs like a trainee lifeguard practicing mouth-to-mouth as she attempts to resuscitate her FCBA career. "I can still hit with the best of the bantams," she gushes, going on to cite as examples her "recent KO wins" over the likes of Aniston, Locklear, Bobbie Phillips and Emily Proctor. "In the last few years I've learned to take better care of my body; and while I'm going to be making a career for myself as a trainer, there's no reason I can't fight into my 50's as long as I'm careful in choosing who I fight and how often. I intend to be an inspiration to the 'older' women in the FCBA like me who aren't going to allow themselves to be pushed aside by the youngsters."

Tale of the Tape:
Hatcher: Age-46, Ht-5'6", Fights-72, Won-26, KOs-20, (Last 5 yrs: 2-1-0)
Seyfried: Age-25, Ht-5'4", Fights-14, Won-7, KOs-6, (Last 5 yrs: 7-6-1)

Attire: Teri in one of her bra/panties lingerie sets from 'Desperate Housewives' with stockings/garter belt. All quite tarty for a woman of her advanced years and, like so many of her 'cougar sisters' Hatcher pulls it off with aplomb. Many fans hearts are racing as she prances with practiced precision down to the ring to await the arrival of her opponent. And waits. And waits. By the time Seyfried is finally introduced, Teri's doing a slow burn - as evidenced by the ruddy flush of her cheeks when Amanda stops every five or six feet to exchange 'hi-fives' with fans. Amanda's chosen to wear her usual baby blue bra/panties combo with her hair in a saucy ponytail. White gloves for both women.

During R1: Teri stomps angrily out of her corner at the bell, stabbing Amanda in the face with a stiff jab as she circles, that big right cocked menacingly at her right shoulder. Teri with a disciplined stick-and-move, controlling the early action with her long legs. Seyfried in bobbing and weaving pursuit, coming up short on many of her jab attempts against the long-limbed, limber, brunette. Seyfried more aggressive in her posture; coming forward most of the round; her head getting picked up by Hatcher at long range as she uses her long legs as a defensive asset.

R2: More of the same. Teri bouncing and bobbing her upper body, chopping down on the crouching blonde whenever Seyfried closes the range. Teri tying up Amanda on occasion, then spinning her around and shoving her back before dancing away. Teri careful about letting Mandy into her fragile body; keeping the straight jab in Seyfried's face and not hesitating to unleash that 'go home' right hand whenever she feels threatened. Midway, Seyfried corners Hatcher in her corner and guts the taller brunette with a brutal left hook. Teri grunting on receipt, forced to wrap up high. Seyfried attacking Hatcher's slender abs with both fists; hammering her back up against the ropes; uppercutting her overhanging rack. Wide-eyed, Hatcher hurries away and almost escapes when she's caught and dropped on her back by a wild swinging right. Hatcher rolls over and crawls to the ropes, dragging herself up hand over hand to beat the count. Seyfried all over the wounded brunette, cleaning up to Teri's aging body with her tight little bottom trapped between the ropes. Big round for Seyfried who has opened strong.

R3: Teri not recovering fully between rounds and she's continuing to get caught as she backs up...hard head punches visibly reducing her bit by bit. Teri's looking shabby when Seyfried bull rushes her; driving her shoulder up under Hatcher's hooters and driving her back onto the ropes. There, Seyfried rocks Hatcher with an overhand right that buckles her long, slim, legs. Hatcher grimly hanging on; wrapping her arms around Amanda up top; exposing her torso. Mandy starts chugging two-handed uppercuts into Hatcher's heavy-hanging rack, bringing tears to Teri's wide, brown, eyes. Hatcher's left knee buckles and her hands drop... DOWN GOES HATCHER! DOWN GOES HATCHER! Teri caught clean by a right that gets ALL of her jutting jaw. Power switched off like a light as Hatcher's body goes limp and she plows tits-first into the canvas; her tight bottom raised ever-so-briefly before her hips slowly settle to the canvas where she lays without moving. Referee gets to 'five'...then waves off the rest of the count as unnecessary. Amanda Seyfried steps up and turns off Teri's headlights at the two minute mark, KO3 Seyfried.

After: Amanda Seyfried pacing nervously in her corner as Hatcher is brought around in stages and propped up on her stool. Once she's convinced Teri will live, the cute little blonde hurries over and takes a knee in front of Hatcher, taped hands on Hatcher's wiry thighs. They exchange chit-chat for a few moments, then Hatcher musses Seyfried's blonde hair and Amanda gives her thigh a squeeze before she returns to her corner.

"I remember watching her on TV when I was in grade school," Seyfried gushes later. "It was a real thrill to feel the softness and yield when my fists sank into her luscious, soft, flesh...yet it kinda hurt too. That woman was my idol growing up and it's sad to think that one day, I could be where she is. I just hope I have the sense - and the financial assets - to walk away before I'm forced to take fights with hard little girls like me," she grinned.
"Nothing to say," Teri grumps afterward. "She beat my...um...assets... like bongo drums. Mind you, they're very expensive, well-developed and all real, luscious, bongos... but she had her way with us tonight. I don't know where the line is," she added rolling her eyes, "but clearly 21 years is a bit beyond it. Sure, I had to step up and show my fighters the right way to do things, because win or lose, you gotta show class - like Amanda did after the fight."
Asked what's next, Hatcher shrugged. "I'm due back on the 'Housewives' set Monday," she said. "As for fighting? I've got an apartment wrestling match with Court Cox next weekend in New York for some studio big-wigs and advertisers; part of an ABC promo. Otherwise I'm fully invested in the Academy. Julie, Penny and Reese are all right on the cusp of challenging for titles and Halle and I can put them over the top."