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#248 Charlize Theron vs. Cameron Diaz (VII) 5-6-06 by simguy

BLONDE! Magazine touting this as the “First Real SuperFight of 2006!” - fair-haired superpowers collide in a renewal of hostilities that has basically determined blonde supremacy for the better part of a decade. Fact that it’s the 7th fight between two battlers knotted at 3 wins a-piece just the icing on the cake.

“I’m beating Charlize,” says a paunchy, heavier-than-usual Diaz - swapping her lean greyhound look for a more well-rounded physique. “I’m gonna come in at about 129 and-a-half, and I’m gonna push her around like an old shopping cart. She’s not ready for big-woman tactics from me: I’m putting her in the ropes, and I’m beating her down like I was her momma!”

Theron scoffing at the notion of being muscled by Cameron. “She’s either desperate, or insane,” Charlize chuckles at the podium, “or maybe a bit of both. If she wants to come in all sloppy-fat and try to bulk me around - I’ll be happy to oblige her. Without her speed, she has no chance to beat me - none. I pushed Cameron to the sidelines years ago, and I intend to keep her there. I’m unbeatable at lightweight: time everybody remembered that.”

Theron in dark green string bikini (Aristide beach reference), hair in long wet braid. Diaz in dark taupe bikini (Aristide beach reference from a while back), hair in scruffy beach bun. Small work out mitts, both vixens.

Rd 1: Theron: dukes up, stepping strong to stalk and take canvas, leaning into her jab and looking to drop right hands up the middle. Diaz flat footed, but prowling, hands low - she’s feinting Charlize, jab-jabbing her midsection and face, sprucing Theron up. Diaz circling, Charlize following - fight traverses the ring at an easy, deliberate pace. Cameron picking her spots to fall in, tossing the right hand, then bodying up - Charlize digs strong legs into canvas, easily repelling Diaz’ attempts to muscle up. Down the stretch, Cameron gets her famous snap-right hand tart between Charlize’ eyes: Theron staggering slightly, wandering on her heels for a moment as Cameron surveys the damage, pockets the points without pressing for more at the bell.

Rd 2: Similar stuff - Charlize stalking, Diaz prowling, both women jabbing dutifully to tummies and faces with harsh small-glove crack. Second minute, Theron times a clouting right over Diaz’ jab, buckling Cammie’s legs: Diaz hurt, falls in to wrap up on Theron - Charlize beats at her foe’s flanks with flapping rights and lefts, working around Cameron’s outstretched arms until ref’s break. Cam parting with a concerned scowl - legs still a little shaky - she sets up at the ropes, covers up earmuff as Theron strides in. Charlize thoughtful, calm, plying Cameron with jabs and cuffing swat-hooks, looking to fit decisive right hands through to chin. Diaz blocking, rolling well: Char switches emphasis to the Diaz waist and flanks, punishing her foe with thumping, long-limbed power. Cam groaning, soaking up shivering wallop as Theron works her big-girl: CT strapping licks in behind the elbows, dipping shoulders to dig up into lungs and tummy. Diaz left breathless, trembling at the bell as Charlize piles on the miles.

Rd 3: More of that stalking jab-work from both women - Diaz snarling, circling: Charlize cool, composed as she walks her girl down. Second minute, Diaz steps-out at just the right time, forcing Char to hang a jab - whistling pull-counter right hand from Cameron chops chin, DROPS CHARLIZE TO HER KNEES! Theron stunned, wide eyed and blinky - Diaz jogging happily to neutral corner, flashing that famous million-watt grin of hers at the sight of hobbled Charlize. CT beats the count, shaking her head - Cameron lustily to the attack. Diaz stooping, jabbing hard to Charlize’ belly, putting Theron upright at the ropes. Hard right hand cracks between Char’s mitts, draping her over the top rope as she recoils with the punch. Lashing hook claps CT upside her head - once, twice - then a digging right/left on the paunch pitches her groaning forward. Charlize ties up breathless: Diaz able to reach under Theron’s arms and chest her into ropes, glorying in a moment of strength as poor Charlize is too hurt to push off. Ref’s break - Diaz right back in - looping overhand rights; lapping, lashing lefts - she’s lathering Charlize, batting and buffetting her as Theron lolls and bends defensively. Cameron in control enough to razzle-dazzle her fists against Theron’s breasts, parting CT’s lips in a pout of outrage. Bell: Diaz a-quiver with pleasure pushes up and lets Charlize hear all about it - ref has to separate blonde powerhouses for the break.

Rd 4: Charlize looking anxious, actually backing away from Diaz: Oscar winner lures Cameron forward with delicious display of feigned hurt, neatly walking Diaz into a clouting check-hook. Cam rebuked, stepping back on her heels, shaking her head - CT over to offense with a long, leaning, spearing right hand down into gut, doubling Diaz over and sending her backwards into ropes. Theron stepping in big-girl, pushing Diaz up by her shoulders, mauling her at the ropes - ref steps in to push CT back in response to Diaz’ whimpered protests. Theron assumes gun-platform stance - very strong, flat footed position - pounding Diaz’ upperchest jabs, beating Diaz’s shoulders and biceps. Cameron grimacing, laying against the ropes hands-up, scowling. Theron patiently, methodically working her foe over, treating herself to a thick jabbing and hooking of Cameron’s fatty-pouch breasts with moist little spanks. Diaz riding her left across her tummy, right under her chin as she tries to bat and slip this stuff - Charlize controlling, punishing her foe in methodical fashion through four.

Rd 5: Diaz anxious, skittish, but also a world-class actress: SHE lures Charlize forward, fade-steps a Theron jab and answers back one of those rocketing snap right-hand pull counters and THERON ROLLS TO HER BACK! Charlize clipped and dropped - she rolls achily to her right hip, pushing herself up off canvas with a distraught look: Diaz hands quick as a flyweight’s tonight. Cameron stalking the neutral corner, licking her lips - she slashes back on in to lather CT at the ropes. Vintage Diaz finishing run - fast, slicing blows - all open-hand (illegal) cupping/palming hooks upside the head and chopping right hands on the mouth. Theron’s head taking a pasting, tossing to-and-fro - but strong legs holding her up: after absorbing several vicious blows, she’s able to clinch, draw Diaz to her chest and lean into ropes for a break. Diaz breathing hard, weighed down by a heavier tummy than usual - she jabs flatfooted at Theron’s breast, pawing it, pawing it, then leaning in over the top with a sudden right cross. Theron rolling with the shot, gathering Diaz into another sweaty clinch - she twists her blonde sideways to the ropes such that both brawl parallel to apron. Murky, sloshing stuff - both girls holding and hitting, grinding each other with rough foreheads inside - Theron able to body Diaz into the ropes and overpower her to some extent at the bell.

Rd 6: Diaz has had enough of Theron’s weight on top - Cam prowling to her right, backhands the jab off her waist, fending the bigger beauty off. Theron stalking, but not cutting off the ring, hands up to block Cameron’s greasy, stinging stick. Cameron lithe, supple outside - she circles right, piecing out poke, twisting to lick swipe-right hands off her hip, torquing back to her right to pull sweeping lefts off her waist. Charlize cuffed and buffetted upside her head - but only thing really landing cleanly on her is Diaz’ sticking body jab. Charlize balling her left fist and rifling a chop-jab into Diaz’ left shoulder - trying to bruise up the muscle and take away Cameron’s principle offensive piston. Bell: Cameron saucily to her corner - she feels she can’t be beaten fighting that kind of fight.

Rd 7: Cameron looking to schmooze from outside - flinging out her backhand jab, prowl-stepping to her right: Charlize won’t have it. Theron with that heavy, balled-up jab, pounds Diaz on her left eye, shoves a heavy right (mostly forearm) across Cameron’s jaw and drives her to ropes. Withering body attack unfolds - Charlize widening her stance and hoisting thick, strapping lefts and rights into Cammie’s ribs and waist - fists landing with wet, hefty “CHUP!” “CHUP!” “CHUP!” noises against the beef of Cam. Diaz mouth-open, slumping in the ropes right across her gut, left open at her mouth - she’s beaten drowsy, finally spilling to hands and knees as Theron staggers back from her handiwork. “GET UP!” Charlize shouts, drawing cheers from the crowd - Diaz desperately hurt, gnashing her teeth, obliges by climbing the ropes and swaying on the spot for 8. ON COMES CHARLIZE! Theron pushing her way past the ref, burying her right hand in the firm mound of Cameron’s big-girl paunch: Diaz doubling up, sobbing upon receipt, butt firmly in ropes as Charlize bodies-on to smother. Heartless, pounding brutality follows - Charlize muscling on poor Diaz, propping and bodying her, battering her with thick strapping lefts and rights to torso, chest, ribs and tummy. Cameron lolling, reacting late, paralysis creeping through her limbs as Theron’s body work becomes thumpingly decisive. Cam tilting forward in stupor: CT steps back, clips a short, shrugging right uppercut off her right foot, then steps aside as Diaz spills dreamily forward to her face, it’s SO over! KO7 Theron in heartpounding fashion as Diaz sprawls face down and out cold!

After: Theron strutting, smiling, renewing her dominance over Cam Diaz atop the blonde hill: Charlize turning back ‘new’ big-Cam as decisively as she ever did the old quick-Cam.

“It’s got to be frustrating for her,” Charlize preens in postfight. “Whatever she does to her body, however she trains - I always have the answers and wind up knocking her out. She’s just not good enough, and that’s got to be killing her. There’s only ever been room for one of us, and guess what? I’m still the one.”