Before: Pre-fight skirmishing starts with girls ripping each other for "Stealth" and "Ultraviolet" respectively - gets cattier and uglier from there. "Laetitia exposed Jessica at the Ice Hotel," Milla confidently asserts. "Biel cannot handle the European style, nor can she handle the TU assassin. The American press does not realize it, but Jessica is tailor-made for me: I will trounce her, and deal Technetium a mortal blow by taking away the FCBA Lightweight belts!" Biel nonplussed by Milla, but rattled when Liz Hurley shows up as trainer, promoter and financier of Jovovich - startling development has the champ's attention. "I'm surprised that Liz would come at us this way, after all Tech did for her in the waning years of her career. Be that as it may - she's still dealing with a C+ fighter, and last time I checked - girls like Milla don't beat girls like me in boxing matches." Tech assassin Jovovich in pretty peach bikini (Hurley Swimwear): Biel in electric blue stealth bikini. White gloves, both vixens.

During R1: Jovovich upright, using her legs - she's not as muscular as Jessica, but she's marathon-runner fit, very springy on her feet, pinging out a rapid face-seeking jab while hot-steppin' around her foe. Biel relaxed, stalking - right hand under her chin, left at her tummy - she dips her torso left to slip inside the jab, looking to answering back hooks; dips torso right to slip outside the jab, then pull a slinging right over top. Jovovich' stick not connecting - Biel weaving it, landing tart hooks on the mouth, rights on the ear, scattering Milla in first minute potshotting. Second minute, Jessica stalking Milla along the apron, stooping to jab at Jovovich's taut tummy - girls trade hooks and JOVOVICH IS STUNNED! Milla clapped hard on her ear, slumps momentarily in the ropes - vicious Biel overhand right juuust misses as Jovovich reaches in, snuggles up American waist for a ref's break. Milla badly buzzed, takes to her heels - shameless running as Jovovich abandons the field to her American foe - Jessica in hot pursuit, trying to locate Milla with jabs, flinging right hands or wide, searching hooks. Bell: Jessica grinning, colour high - she routed Milla that round and both girls know it.

R2: Jessica aggressively forward - great timing on her little torso-dips to the side - she's weaving Milla's educated jab, then answer back hotshot hooks or looping right hands, POUNDING away to Ukrainian jaw. Jovovich rung up early, put wobbly butt - she stagger-steps to ropes with haunted eyes, open mouth, drawing in her elbows, covering up earmuff. Biel pouring in, squaring away: clawing double hook rakes at Milla's right ear, then a third hook tucks in behind her elbow, snug above the hip. Biel flashing her glorious handspeed - back muscles springing into view as she tears it up - American just letting her hands go and JESSICA GETS HURT! Milla covered up, rolling punches, answers back a biting hook clean on the chin, catching Biel in between shots. Jessi's legs give a shimmy, eyes suddenly forlorn, arms extended: Milla hooks the mouth, hooks the mouth, tilting Jessica to her left and sideways into the ropes. Jovovich over to offence, reversing field on Jessica - now Biel's back is to the strands as she desperately tries to organize her defence. RIGHT UPPERCUT MILLA JOVOVICH! Glorious short, clipping shot flings Jessica's head back - tidy follow-on hook clouts Biel's face hard to port as she stoops forward. Milla squares away: tidy hook, getting her shoulder tight behind it, then a little nudge with the left hand knuckles to prop slack-jawed Jessi up in the chest. Chopping right down across the left eye; little clipping right uppercut, popping Jessi's head up off her mitts; another biting left hook short, vicious to chin. Biel's head up, back and around - up, back and around - Milla just ON her with tidy, clipping little strokes - occasionally punctuated with the odd digging hook down into Biel's solid ribcage. Hook displaces Jessica's mouthpiece at last, sits her dazed in the ropes and THE REF STEPS IN! Good Lord - TKO2 for the winner and NEW lightweight champ: Milla-Freakin'-Jovovich!

After: Biel stunned, staggered, breaking down into heartbroken tears as official cuddles her to safety - Milla galloping around the ring with airplane-wing arms, sliding onto her knees and flopping onto her back in jubilation: she's about as outside as outsiders get - shaking the FCBA establishment to its very foundations with a titanic upset. Hurley grinning with an I-told-you-so smirk, staying discretely in the background as Jovovich soaks up the spotlight - Liz' sorcerous fingerprints all over this stunning capsizing of one of the FCBA's most dynamic fighters. "I told you I was the TU assassin!" Milla bleats, hand flat against her sweat be-sparkled upperchest for emphasis as she holds back fresh tears of joy. "I told you Jessica was beaten before she ever stepped into the ring, and you wouldn't believe it! Tonight, Milla Jovovich became the best celebrity fighter in all the world and I want you to print that! Milla Jovovich - FCBA champion! Milla Jovovich - world's greatest..." on and on and on - Milla understandably thrilled with her triumph - probably the biggest country-club shake up since the Visigoths sacked Rome.