Posted by Simguy on 1/8/2005, 10:51 am.

Before: Lacey swaggering in prefight—wide, aggressive smile, always pointing her finger “#1” for cameras, popping double biceps on the scales and turning to show lats—kid know hoe to work a press conference. Cook pursing her lips, sulking with arms crossed—she’s nonplussed at Lacey’s attention-hogging tactics throughout. “I don’t think the FCBA is ready,” Chabert tells reporters. “This league hasn’t seen a fighter as cute as me—nobody’s going to know what to do! I’m not just a Dani-Buster, I’m a Mish-Buster, I’m a Jennifer Love Hewitt-Buster, I’m a Simpson-Buster; you name it, I’ll bust it! Don’t even talk to me about Lohan: I took her apart on “Mean Girls” and she knows it. Rachael Leigh? She’s here to take a beating, I’m gonna take her body at the start of the fight, use it, and hand it back to her when I’m done. Rachael Leigh in glorious trampy cashmere two piece (help me out here, is that Maxim girl get-up of hers cashmere or angora? Whichever) tan UGG boxing-boots—Chabert in pink push up and panties, white lace trim, tan UGG boxing boots. Small gloves for both women.

During R1: Lacey hooking with Rachael and getting the worst of nit. Cook catching Chabert’s punches on her blocking right mitt, connecting with tidy hooks to Lacey’s unguarded chin, steadily backing Lacey to ropes. Chabert unsettled, punching bard but ineffectively—Cook’s placement, timing, head movement all conspiring against Lacey, Midway through, ringing hook on the chin really shakes Chabert up—knees buckle—she sags to a seat in the ropes, hands dropping, eyes staring, Cook helps herself to Chabert’s tidy rack, clawing left hands, lacey aroused from stupor, starts hooking back—girls hunkered in close, trading shoulder to shoulder left hands to jug at the bell, Cook taunting “Welcome to the FCBA, bytch!” Lacey stung, avoiding eye contact.

R2: Rache keeps it up—attacking head-on, but right hand high, chipping the jab, hooking off the stick, bobbing her head to foil Lacey’s receipts. Range is close—not smothering—Cook really turning on the hook and spanking small glove hard off Lacey’s face. Chabert on her heels, trying to regroup—Rache stepping—with and landing. Spirited resistance late from Lacey as she firms up again—refusing to lay down for a fast-starting Cook.

R3: Shiny patina of hurt on Chabert’s face—she’s drowsy, taking and grimly answering back, Cook less extravagant with her chin, constantly moving her head, hooking out of the bob, right hand nice and high,. Rache bumping up with her left shoulder, pushing off with the left elbow, bullying Chabert around. Lace finding ways o step back from the pressure and hook Rachael’s tummy as she wades in, but it’s still Cook calling the shots through 3.

R4: Shoulder to shoulder grind continues—both girls in love with the hook tonight—Rachael tighter, harder, faster with hers, Chabert soaking up shot after shot on her face—Cook just bumping and punching in a nice rhythm, can’t miss. Cook not neglecting Chabert’s tasty rack and midsection—ticketing liver and jug for biting hooks, resetting a stubby little jab as Lacey crosses arms glum at the ropes.

R5: Lacey’s taken Rachael’s finest shellack—Chabert feeling Rache can’t hurt her, starts coming forward with authority. Lacey positioning off Rachel’s left shoulder and pulling the hook across—she’s catching Cook clean from the angle, pounding the face, clawing those jugs, backing her up for the first time. Along the ropes, Rachael seems flustered—no one punch devastating her, but she’s not answering back, seems hurt—Lacey stays on, Chabert laying in the odd clobbering right hand, turning over her right ankle as she wallops Rache upside the head, then pulling that thudding hook across Cook’s jugs—Rachael sullen, slouching against the ropes, Rich, brawling beat down—Lacey landing heavily, sampling all she wants face, tummy and jug in the fith.

R6: Cook halts the rally, standing up to Lacey midring and engaging her in the fiercest two way trading of the fight. Spirited exchanges—girls bumping in close with left shoulders, hooking hot to tummy and jug. Chabert’s defense more responsible—right hand’s up, she’s getting closer, moving her head a little on follow through. Final minute, Cook separates herself a smidge: Lacey backing up a step after a starting hook on her chin, leaning forward in confusion and tucking ba pair of hooks behind her elbow at the bell.

R7: Lacey brawling—getting that oblique position off Rachael’s left shoulder, looping the right hand to Cook’s ear, pulling hooks across Rachael’s cashmered jugs. Cook gritting her teeth, crossing her arms, gets the timing: second minute, she fits a tasty left hook onto Lacey’s chin as Chabert’s loading up righty: DOWN GOES LACEY! Cook barging in with her head and crossing arms to stack Chabert up, then shoveling on hurt with two-fisted gusto. Rache chugging, teeth bared, digging up great chunks of Chabert tummy meat, shrugging up into scrumptious Chabert rack, then reef-reef-REEFING hooks in behind that elbow to SEND LACEY DOWN AGAIN! Chabert huffing and puffing on all fours—Rache strutting away hands high and loving it. Lacey with a pasty clammy expression, disheveled, swaying during the 8 count: hungry glares from Rachael across the ring.

R8: Shutout Rachael Leigh Cook. All trace of bravado gone from Chabert as she lolls pouting on the ropes, right under the chin, left across throbbing gut, trying to deny Rachael. Cook getting after Lacey with fists like happy puppies---frisky pounding up and down both flanks; chippy little uppercuts skidding off Lacey’s forehead; clanging, triumphant hooks on chin. Cook grinning, weight forward, every ounce of her dominating every ounce of Chabert tonight, Cook finishing up a brace of hooks, splattering away at jug and ribs at the bell—Rachael shouting “YEAH!” in Chabert’s groggy, disappointed face.

R9: Lacey won’t punk! Chabert digs in, denies Rachael as Cook storms across the ring and meets stout resistance, firm punching toe to toe. Cook finally disengaging walking to her right with a thoughtful scowl: Rache clearly surprised to see Lacey’s still competing, Chabert dukes up, stepping forward, still getting good leverage on lead hooks, stepping right to pull the follow up hooks across Rachael from an awkward angle. Rache caught behind the left ear one of those looping Chabert rights—Cook staggering a little, righting herself, fighting back hard—Lacey takes a hard-earned ninth going right at her  foe.

R10: Cook halts the rally as she has all night long—constantly regaining the upperhand. Chabert beaten drowsy by a series of tight biting hooks jugs and mouth—she’s leaning forward again, giving away her flanks—Cook gobbling ‘em up with tidy spanking rights and lefts. Rache stepping back in good order, letting Chabert fall into body shots and uppercuts, occasionally stepping in to stack lacey up with a shoulder. Lacey staring as her face gets hooked, then hooked again—Chabert used to Rachael’s fists at this point, taking sleepily. Final minute, Rachael has this thing all wrapped up and SHE GOES FOR THE KO! Chabert staggered a short hook on the chin, falters hurt to the ropes and Cook pounces with a TORRID flurry. Chopping rights to the jaw, lathering hooks as Chabert wilts forward: Lacey out on her feet but curvy legs holding her up—she’ll make it to the bell. Rache chesting up and bellowing in Lacey’s face: Chabert blinking back in fog, no longer processing. Comes back UD10 wide, Rachael Leigh Cook.

After: Welcome to the FCBA beat down Cook to Chabert—Rachael’s non-stop punching beating the bravado out of her cocky opponent tonight. Lacey bleak with stupor, all shined up and throbbing, sitting forlorn in her underwear and UGG boots—it truly never dawned on her that Rachael Leigh Cook would climb into her trunks and beat her for 20 long rounds tonight. “She’s a punk,” Cook spits in post fight. “She was giving it up to me all night long—you should have heard her: it was pathetic, It sounds hard but I’m so glad I gave her a beating tonight. Too many of these new girls think they can just show up and hand out thumpings, it doesn’t work that way.

Reposted by Archer on 2/8/10.