Charlize Theron vs. Catherine-Zeta Jones (VI) by simguy 6-8-02

Special ringside commentator Ashley Judd more than perturbed. "Looks like a 'super-fight' in the FCBA involves either girls beaten half to death by me, or girls who don't want any part of me! Theron's damaged goods - I took her out back the wood shed and gave her the kind of beating you don't just hop back into the ring off of. As for Jones - she's the biggest smoke and mirrors act in boxing. This is going to be a tough fight for her, sure, but the upside's so big even she can't ignore it. Zeta J would be happy fighting Sarah Michelle Gellar if she could get paid to do it."

Theron anxious to put the memory of a late collapse against Ashley behind her, "Anyone who watched that fight (Judd) knows I had her under control and I let the fight get away from me. She took advantage of a lapse, but those are doors that don't open frequently. Zeta Jones is superior cloth where brunettes are concerned - battering her puts me right where I need to be at lightweight."

And finally Jones. "I recall devastating Charlize in our first ever meeting," Catherine says with a twinkle. "Giving her, her first knockout defeat and this fight reminds me of those days. I've never seen her so full of bluster, yet so uncertain. I'm arguably at the best I've ever been and the best Catherine Zeta Jones ever beats an uncertain Charlize Theron every single time."

Jones in red string bikini, Charlize in black.

Round 1: Theron making it look easy, quickly establishing her range, doing what she wants. Catherine in a tight defense, lifting her mitts to her eyebrows, trying to stay low, picking off Theron's constant flickering jab as the blonde glides to the left. Charlize not setting down on anything, just letting Jones see the speed, rangy goodness as Theron swats up around either ear, or reaches right hands between the gloves from the outside. Zones trying to pick her way in with an extended left palm out - Theron pushing down on the top of the brunette's head for nimble sidesteps, then licking up the right uppercut to the face. Down the stretch, Charlize goes right at Jones, shocking the brunette with a walking barrage of tough-woman lefts and rights - big scooping blockbusters to the midsection that back Jones up at the bell. Charlize all grins and bounce - classy, brassy shutout.

Round 2: Jones staying low, trying to weave the jab without success - Charlize hanging outside, bat-batting the left against Zeta Jones guard, then dropping in the chopping right, pushing the left against CZJ's face to sidestep right, leaving the brunette hanging over her feet. Theron just playing matador, stabbing in a sword, jumping to the side, feathering Zeta J with double and triple jabs that have the brunette frozen in her crouch. Midway through, Theron preps Jones with a pesky flurry of decoy lefts, then dips her shoulder to get everything into a firm right uppercut. Jones head cranking back out of her crouch - she starts to topple backwards as Charlize skips forward, swatting and slashing whippy punches to chase CZJ to the ropes. Jones gets it together quickly, re-establishing her defense, but Theron doesn't fall for it: Charlize bathes Jones with a bursting flurry, then backs off, tempting Jones out of her counter-punching shell at the ropes. End of the round - Theron dancing, keeping her distance, jumps in suddenly and lands a flinging Roy Jones hook on the jaw that sends Catherine reeling on her heels at the bell.

Round 3: Charlize more flat footed now - she's established her range, got her rhythm and she's hurt Jones - time to start breaking her down. Theron still patting, flicking the jab, occupying Jones' defense - Charlize bent over to her right, turns on that right uppercut early to force adjustments on the beleaguered brunette. Jones cupping her right hand palm down under her chin, left across her body, bobbing and weaving, finally gets close enough to hook Theron in the ribs, but punch for punch the blonde's carrying the round. Nice two way spank late - Jones jamming away with straight LEFTS AND RIGHTS TO THE BREASTS RATTLE CHARLIZE' COMPOSURE AS THE BLONDE GIVES GROUND!

Round 4: Similar to the third - Theron outside, but not moving as much, measuring Zeta Jones, touching her with the jab, turning on sudden right uppercuts or swatting wide hooks, then pivoting off to either side to prevent Jones from walking right in. Catherine doing a better job of picking up the uppercut with her crossed arm defense - both girls settling into productive routines. Theron winning the round handily - but Zeta Jones' eyes are clear - wheels are turning, and she's getting closer, landing her first right hand near the bell.

Round 5: Jones keeps chipping away at the Theron lead, jabbing more confidently, getting inside Charlize' stick and setting up shop. Catherine having fine moments with Theron just standing there, hands useless outside Zeta J's arms as the brunette jerks in compact chops to blonde jaw. Jones will turn on the hook - shot so short her shoulder finishes up just inches from Theron's pouting mouth, then back crisp with the right hand, getting cracking jolt upside Charlize' head - Theron apparently stunned, just standing and taking hard clouts to her chin. At the bell - Theron drowsy, Zeta Jones intense. Catherine crowding close, draws her slick forehead and downy hair across Charlize' windblown face - leaving the blonde with a haughty whiff of elegance as she watches the brunette strut slowly to her corner. Notes Ashley Judd: "Catherine got inside Charlize' reach that round and punished her body. Theron's in trouble."

Round 6: Jones steps up the attack, jabbing with Charlize, then dipping inside the blonde's long stick to gouge that short, fish-hook uppercut to the solar plexus. FIRST SIGNS OF HURT ON THERON'S FACE as she staggers back, Jones stepping with her, putting the overhand right square on the eye with soccer-ball impact to keep Charlize upright. Theron pushing out leather without leverage - Jones doing a SUPERB JOB of weaving underneath and BRINGING IT TO THERON'S MIDSECTION! CZJ swaying left and right, pulling the mitts into Charlize' sleek midriff, beats Theron to the ropes and gets the first clinch up around the ears from the blonde. Ref issues the break, Jones back in with that shoving jab, and a GORGEOUS chopping right on the face, draping the taller girl backward over the top rope. Jones with the left braced under Charlize' chin, GOES TO WORK WITH RIGHT FOREARMS TO THE LEFT BREAST - furious fouls, buckling the blonde - another greasy clinch from Charlize; hurting from the sudden pressure. Another break - Jones stepping in behind the jab and rocking Charlize with that cracking short right hand, then BACK TO THE BREAST WITH A BLUDGEONING FOREARM! Theron gasping, draping forward - Jones takes a half step back and GUTS THE BLONDE A VICIOUS RIGHT UPPERCUT IN THE SOLAR PLEXUS! Charlize groaning, sits heavily in the ropes, legs shot. JONES PILES ON! Catherine pushing her left to stabilize Charlize in the chest, HEAPS on right haymakers to the face - BITING the punches off short - POUNDING Theron into glassy eyed stupor and the REF JUMPS IN! Zeta Jones bounding away with snarling emotion as she leaves Charlize hooked on crack at the ropes! TKO6 Catherine Zeta Jones!

Cerebral, selective effort from Jones translated into a slow start - but OH, once she got it going. Brunette has been amongst the most efficient assassins in boxing and she gets it done in ELECTRIFYING fashion, hammering Charlize out at the ropes.

Heartless walk of shame follows - Theron's eyes cloudy with doubt and groggy rage - battered unrecognizable by CZJ's mean-spirited facial. Jones smiling malevolently, helping herself with grabby hands at Charlize' delicious hips and waist as she guides her prize around the ring.

Critics, pundits having a field day in the aftermath - Theron-haters get a bonfire going as another KO mars her march to glory at sub-130, Tractorpull scribes rushing to pay phones (figuratively) to get the scoop out - press piranhas stripping that carcass in record time.