UNIFIED FLYWEIGHT TITLE

Posted by Simguy on 7/9/2004, 9:50 pm.

Before: Shakira physically restrained from attacking Natalie at press conferences at several press junkets and the weigh-in—intensity of the Colombian’s emotion a little unsettling to professional Natalie. “She just HATES me so much, and I’ve never done a thing to her,” says Portman, wide eyed in pre fight. “Now I know how Britney feels! I used to feel sorry for Shakira—we all did—but she’s just so bitter and hurtful now. I’m going to have to put her down like a rabid dog or something. She’s my old yeller!” When it’s explained to Shak that Old Yeller was a dog—she explodes in another tempestuous fit. Little blonde seething with vitriol, calling BSE “pigs at the trough” and Natalie the “piggiest” of them all—she’s more than a little juiced for this confrontation. Shakira in tan leather bikini, fringe skirts, black boxing shoes and socks, battle braid/ Shak trembling during ring instructions, practically wriggling out of her trunks to get at Natalie.

R1: Shak tears across the ring—straight into a pulsing jab, a pounding right hand quickly retracted and pounded again—Shak sent reeling backwards under an onslaught of Portman power punches. Natalie stepped-with, bringing her feet with her, measuring Shak the jab and drilling her right hands on the face—Colombian driven wobbly butt the length of the ring to hit the ropes in complete shock. Right uppercut, left hook, extra left hook in the liver—Natalie backs off, leaves Shakira badly rattled in the first minute, Respect more than won—Portman turns boxer, slicking up the ring with surgical skill. Natalie stepping left as her jab stabs at Shakira’s left eye, Portman bounding right, hands up, palms out—she bats down on Shakira’s skull and shoulders with kitty-cat palming to keep Shak reluctant, then goes back to jab mode to work her way left once again. At the bell, Shakira ALL spruced up, bleeding inside her lower lip. As they cross en route to corners—Natalie says under her breath, ostensibly to herself, but deliberately loud enough for Shak to overheat” “Shutout.” Shakira flies into a rage, has to be bodied back to her corner—catty little psychological poinard thrust by Natalie.

R2: Natalie sticking to the Cat Bell formula against a rowdy brawler—land hard early, get respect. Portman following her jab up the middle with spearing rights—small fist smashing off Shak’s teeth and left eye in a series of jagged one-twos to leave Colombian reeling. Mission accomplished, Natalie back to the jab, clockwise stepping. Then counterclockwise bounding, batting down with open palms to keep Shak from getting off. Colombian stalking, but badly stung and tentative releasing her hands—all that anger and fury successfully defused by Portman tactical acumen, professional execution.

R3: Natalie a little too cute—more bounding and batting than punching—Shak able to come forward and claw the brunette with lathering lefts and rights this round. Portman keeping her back clear of the ropes, never letting Shak dress her up—but brunette lets  blonde back into the fight as Shak’s able to come forward, throw her mitts, feel the experience of forcing Natalie into retreat.

R4: Natalie back to the jab, and how. Pulsing, heartless work, just a relentless precision attack over and over and over to Shakira’s left eye—blonde can’t get out of the way as Natalie lands with sickening ease. Portman able to reset with that bounding, batting routine to her right—forcing Shak to move her feet and go hunting again, then brunette patiently whittles away with the division’s cruelest stick. At the bell—Shakira’s left eye a bulging, puffy mess—Natalie’s busting her girl up early.

R5: Natalie squashing Shakira’s face with jabs, keeping the blonde at the end of the punch, easing her left—Portman just undressing Shakira in the middle of the ring. Natalie having so much success pelting Shakira to the face, not a lot of body work’s getting done—but that’s about the only criticism. Late the round, Shakira with a burst of energy surges up the middle—Natalie legs back in good order, counterpunching on the fly with straight lefts and rights, brings Shak to a halt, then rings her up proper a smoking right on the swollen left eye, tidy biting hook on the teeth. Blonde staggering back, wobbly butt yet again, and starting to snivel.

R6: Natalie busts Shakira a right hand in the chops, doubles up with it on that eye, hooks the chin, hooks the liver—little Latina doubles up in confusion and shock, completely overwhelmed midring. Natalie back to boxing—the patience and execution excruciating—she’s just henpecking Shakira to death tonight. Right eye coming under heavy fire, Portman jabbing to freeze Shak, then hooking off the jab to get to the eye, finishing up combinations with a saucy left uppercut on the chin. Natalie still using the scoot-right on occasion to change tempo, but less and less—Shakira really breaking down, not cutting off the ring—she’s becoming something of a target in there.

R7: Natalie rings Shakira up AGAIN! Poor Latina can’t see the right hand—Portman able to pour them in over Shakira’s left shoulder, buckling Colombian knees and driving her sideways at the stumble. Again, Portman backs off, just getting her respect, then boxing—Shak showing some spirit in fighting her way through to Natalie’s chest and actually working on the inside in spots this round. Portman shaking her head in self-chastisement at the bell: little perfectionist down on herself for not completely cleaning Shakira’s clock each and every round.

R8: That’s better: Natalie spends the first minute drilling Shakira’s chin hard, piercing right hands, beating Shak to the point of stupor at the ropes, then backing off, luring the stunned blonde to midring, and boxing her to ribbons the rest of the way, Shak’s right eye closed, face a pulverized wreck, mouth open, expression haunted—she’s being given a cold, utterly scientific beating tonight and both girls know it. Shutout Natalie—she hasn’t smiled once, just looking Shak over with a glance at the bell, deciding there’s more work to be done.

R9: Shutout Natalie, Shakira shuffling forward, facing blind into punchesl. Jabs rocking Shak’s head back, stabbing down between the breast, right hands punching in wet and spanking to the face, mop-up hooks with sick socking impact. Shak’s legs trembling, Shak’s guard low, unresponsive, Shak’s balance and reaction time all deteriorated to the point where this thing should be stopped. Shakira sent back to her corner in stupor—little beauty trembling from the systematic punishment she’s taken, minute after minute, round after round tonight/

R10: Shutout Natalie Portman. Portman’s concentration never wavers, no showboating, no clowning, just heartless, spotless boxing, circling left at her leisure. Playing her jab upon the ruined canvas of Shakira’s face like a robot Picasso/ Colombian in a fog, just being dismantled and ruined, but not getting hit hard enough now to go down—some booing in the audience from compassionate Green Peace types as this starts to take on all the appeal of a baby seal hunt. Portman stays with the jab, keeps circling like Shakira could hurt her, and pounds what’s left of Shak’s face into ground chuck. At the bell—Shakira breaking down into mindless blubbering tears, shoulders shaking—Natalie looking her over with calm satisfaction: job well done. UDq0 in stainless steel fashion—Natalie Portman.

After: Not a 10-0 rout, but it’s gotta be a Beating of the Year contestant—Natalie Portman eviscerating Shakira tonight with brilliant mechanics, rarely letting blonde inside the jab, and scoring with a record-setting connect percentage. Flyweight face-punching at it’s most cruel—Portman’s ability to land power at will leads some critics (principally at BLONDE! magazine) to contend that Natalie could have stopped Shakira much, much earlier, saving the young blonde from a truly heartbreaking beating. As for Shakira—she’s distraught, the enormity of losing in such a fashion to a BSE-beloved fighter all too much—esteem so shattered she can barely function in days that follow. Muscular  first defence for Natalie—she gets to settle right in on the throne, making BLONDE! magazine’s list of “Top Ten Brunettes Who Must Be beaten” in the process.

Reposted by Archer 1/22/10.