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9 November 2007 Hayden Panettiere vs Jessica Simpson

Page history last edited by Archer844 14 years, 6 months ago

 

 

 

 

Posted by Simguy on 11/9/2007, 7:30 am.

 

Before: Bitter, protracted negotiations—Hayden storming out of more than one session as Jess takes a fine-toothed comb to every little clause. Simpsy looking to push Panny around and be the boss from the get-go. “She’s getting WAY too much attention,” Jess scowls in prefight—she’s sporting a t-shirt that says “Save a Tuna, Eat a Dolphin” to further vex her opponent. “We’re supposed to be fighting WOMEN: Hayden looks like a little boy next to me. Nobody’s coming to see this fight to look at Hayden’s muscles—they want a glimpse of THIS (sits up straight, arching her back, thrusting out the missiles)—Hayden needs to remember that, take her beating, and be grateful I even agreed to meet with her.”

 

Panettiere fuming, hotblooded youngster easily ruffled, but she keeps it together at the podium. “Jessica and Lilo are the most overrated fighters in the division,” Hayden announces, causing a stir, “I don’t think I’ve ever encountered as much jealousy and resentment from a girl as I have from Jess—but I get it now, I do. Jess thought she’d have years to establish herself and take the weight class, but she’s already obsolete. I know that hurts, but she could still conduct herself with a little  more…” Lights dim—suddenly Simpsy’s on the floor before the dais as speakers start blaring “These Boots Were Made For Walkin’”. Jess bumpin’ and grindin’ away in her daisy dukes, making eye contact with Hayden while lip-synching the words—message appears to be that Simpsy’s going to walk all over Hayden in this fight. Panettiere flabbergasted—sitting back down STEAMING hot and crossing her arms: Simpsy! Jess in pink Dukes bikini, white gloves, Hayden in red/white/pink horizontally barred fighting bikini; white gloves; puncher’s ponytail. Ref tells’em to touch-up: Jess shouts “NEVER!” in Hayden’s blinking face.

 

During R1: Raucous, bumper-car action—girls pushing each other’s gloves aside and trying to ram home righty to the ribcage: this is Jessica’s fight. Stamping blondes jiggle to ropes—Jess quick to squirm on top, bumping Hayden, then pumping bodyblows: she’s got Panny grunting early. Simpsy reaching under Hayden’s arms, chesting her deep to ropes, then jamming away rights amidships while keeping a body-on: Hayden grimacing, squirming, getting a dose of world-class JMD tactics here. Jess warned for shoving the odd low blow into Hayden’s trunks or thigh—warned for tuffy billy-goat forehead scrubbing—Littlest Krusher really getting into Hayden’s trunks and sending a brawny message in the first.

 

R2: Answer to Jessica’s crowding: stiff jabs from Hayden. Panny crouching, right at her cheek, spitting out poke—she’s scraping Jessica’s hairline, busting her chops a rigid left to stall the Simpson blitz. Hayden able to come forward—bobbing, weaving, stepping—she’s hooking hard out of the crouch, bending into short, whistling straight rights. Jessica getting pasted, backed up—she’s not nearly as effective when she’s not pushing forward/ Ropes: Hayden squares away—bobbing up and down, propping Jess with an aggressive left elbow/shoulder nudge before snapping off healthy three punch combos, tummy and breasts. Hayden shouting out “HAH! HAH! HAH!” as she rips away side to side in bursts. Jessica glum, crossing her arms and cringing after getting belted—Panny working the body like a champ in salting away the second.

 

R3: Jessica won’t have it—trading rights and lefts with Hayden midring and belting Panny onto her heels. Panettiere learning the hard way that taking a backward step against Jessica makes life miserable—Simpsy barreling in , driving Hayden to ropes, then jamming away while crowding, working right up until ref’s breaks. Hayden scowling—Jessica’s stronger than expected: time and again, Simpsy’s able to wade back in after ref’s break and keep Hayden bodied up against ropes. Jess bursting to Hayden’s firm little paunch—shoulders rotating to chug away—then she’ll reach in, chest up and stack Hayden into ropes to reset. Hayden off her heels can’t impose will—she’s rudely used in a Simpson third.

 

R4: Hayden keying off the jab: it lets her be first, disrupts Jessica’s forward progress, and gives Panny initiative for the exchanges. Panettiere bobbing and weaving like a maniac—wonderful head movement as she steadily encroaches, taking away canvas one step and three punches at a time. Simpsy frowning, crossing her arms, taking a pelting: output’s dropping as Jess elects to wait for openings that aren’t coming. Takes minute to work Jess to ropes, then Panny squares away—bursting in 3s on Jessica tummy and jugs, then bumping in with that left elbow/shoulder routine. Simpsy cranky—taking a pasting, unable to get her rump out of the ropes. End of second minute—Hayden cramps Jess with a vicious burst about the waist, then jerks a jagged little left uppercut neat to chin out of the crouch: DOWN GOES SIMPSY! Firm little jolt shocks Jess—she wilts to one knee, blinking and stunned: Hayden bellowing down, forcing ref to push her back. Weepy 8 Jess—she crosses her arms, sits into ropes and ships it as Hayden hops-to, hup-hups her little heart out to the bell. Big smile Panny as she jogs back to her corner: Simpsy blubbering, hugging her gut en route to hers.

 

R5: HAMMER AND TONGS! Jessica comes out a warrior, looking to regain initiative, but Hayden meets her punch for punch midring. Glorious stuff—Jessica feet wide, jugs a-sloshin’ as she loads up and swings away; Hayden tighter defensively, utilizing the crouch, working out of her bob and weave—not as all-in committed as Jess, but sharper straighter, more selective with her punching. Consistency starts to trump enthusiasm as Jessica wears down from her own efforts—Hayden slowly getting the extras touch, starts backing Jessica up in a series of withering middle-minute exchanges. Final minute—Jess driven back to ropes, output dropping as she crosses her arms and tilts. Tireless Hayden squares away, bouncing her mitts off Krusher scalp, shoulders, chest—just a withering tic-tac-toe of lefts and rights slowly numbing Simpsy with volume. Bell—overeager Hayden hooks Jessica behind her right elbow, hooks her again as Simpsy’s cramping up—ref bodies Panny back and give her what-for.

 

R6: Jewel desperate to break Hayden’s momentum—li’l jug-mugger clinches early, trips Hayden to canvas and falls on top of her, squirming to mount and maybe even work before ref pulls Jess off. Sloppy sixth as Jessica continues to shoot in, reaching under Hayden’s arms and stampeding her to ropes, then driving her to canvas. Panettiere shrieking at the ref: he responds with vigorous warnings to Jessica—Simpson nods, then piles back on squirming. Jess not putting much damage on Hayden, but not taking much either as fight bogs down into a series of grinding embraces—ref working overtime to tug’em apart and make’em punch.

 

R7; Hayden jolts Jess a slanting lead right as Simpsy’s hurtling in: clean punch to jaw puts Simpsy wobbly butt, sends her stamping past as Hayden sidesteps-right. Hayden wide-eyed, seeing Jess all loose and hurt: Panny hip=hooks Jess from outside Simpsy’s left flank, punching Jessica’s head back. Simpsy reeling, staggers to ropes jugs a-jumpin’—she’s stunned, lips parted, blonde curls in drowsy eyes. ON COME HAYDEN! Panny pouncing—bringing her feet with her as she gets close, then slams away short, muscular lefts and rights in close. Punches pelting at Jess—clipping across her face and breasts-she’s draping upright against ropes, hands loose in her lap, eyelashes fluttering. PANNY’S STAMPING AWAY! Hayden jamming out straight left/right crisscross—beating Jessica’s face and upperchest—shouting out “HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH!” with each jolt. Simpsy facing into the pasting brave, but she eventually turns to her right, left arm looping over top rope as she cowers, giving up her back. “HAH! HAH! HAH!” Panny just keeps stampin’—gloves bouncing off shoulder, lat, back and THE REF STEPS IN! Jessica hanging on the ropes, head buried in her arms as she blubbers—Hayden pushing against ref, shouting :”MY JUGS STOPPED YOUR JUGS!” as a final taunt. TKO7 Hayden Panettiere.

 

After: Hayden flushed with triumph—Mish and Jess back to back looks good on anybody’s resume, especially if you’re a hot young rookie, “I’m already looking to Lohan,” Panettiere grins, quivering with post-fight adrenaline. “I knew I’d paste Jessica—she’s a tramp and quitter. Lilo thinks she’s tougher but I’ve seen girls get inside and use her up—I’m gonna get on her the way I got on Jess and you’ll see-she’s not going to like it.

 

Reposted by Archer 9/15/09.

 

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