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BLONDE! August 27 2010 Issue

Page history last edited by Archer844 13 years, 6 months ago

BLONDE! Magazine table of contents

 

 

 

Posted by simguy on 8/27/2010, 6:07 pm

 

(for those of you who don't subscribe, I've taken the liberty of transcribing this month's ish)

SCHERZINGER EXPOSED! BLONDE! Magazine gleefully recounts how the best and prettiest of the new crop of brunettes was battered by rough-housing Megan Fox. Article contends that Nicole is now a 'broken woman', and that much of her development was in fact 'pure hype'. Contains bruising quotes from Sarah Carter, Kelly Carlson, and other Nikki-haters, along with unflattering pictorial of Nikki being harmed.

MAC BANGS BACK! Full coverage of Jenny McCarthy's stirring off-the-deck comeback to batter hated rival Neve Campbell.

PANETTIERE AND SCERBO: WHAT IF? BLONDE! Mag tries to reconcile one of the bitterest blonde rivalries, by illustrating point by point how the division could be squeezed dry of brunettes if only these two powerhouses would cooperate. (Nice two-shot splash page photo with Hayden on the left looking pensive, and Scerbo on the right pouting snarky - separated by a jagged green line.) Pincer-attack against Kreuk is presented with use of diagrams!

BRITNEY'S GREATEST HITS! Spears conquers Tuff Tiff Thiessen in a brutal war of attrition. To help mark the occasion of Ms. Spears 128th sanctioned bout, BLONDE! presents a list of her 10 greatest fights (Tuff Tiff's on there, as is Dani F, Eliza D, Carmen E, Jessica A, and more!).

IS THERON THE ANSWER? BLONDE! Magazine stews over the robust brunette presence at lightweight (Wagner, Peregrym, Durance among others) and speculates on how Charlize could play a pivotal role in turning things around in the so-called 'Tiffany' division.

OVERLOOKED SUPERSTAR? Elisha Cuthbert's glorious destruction of Evangeline Lilly reminds us all of one of the best 'blonde hammers' in the game.

THE THORN: What do Blake Lively, Laura Vandervoort, and Jeri Ryan all have in common? Pesky Serinda Swan's a growing nuisance to all three. INSET ARTICLE: special beauty segment showing Swan's facial flaws, and proving Laura V's prettier. Science!

SPOTLIGHT ON: Piper Perabo - new and improved...or still failing to launch?

HOW GOOD IS JAIME PRESSLY? BLONDE! Magazine compares Jaime to history's best at 120...and finds her very good indeed.

REGULAR FEATURES:
Top 10 Brunettes Who Must Be Beaten: Swan makes the list for the first time.

View from the top: Janet Jones resumes her contributing editor's duties, and details how Punching Reese Witherspoon can dominate the most populous (and diluted) division in boxing.

HEALTH AND FITNESS WITH KALEY CUOCO: Medicine ball work outs (and potential offensive use in crowded gyms when brunettes get uppity).

AROUND THE HORN: Capsule summaries of PPV, CBAD, RESORT/CRUISE SHIP, Beach, Apartment and global action. (includes the first stills of the rumoured 'beach ambush' of Kelly Ripa on Geri Halliwell).

THE LINE: Column features big-name blonde fighters and trainers speculating about upcoming superfights. This month's feature-fight: Jewel Kilcher/Jenny McCarthy.

Kelly Carlson's Hot/Not Hot list: Brunettes take a variety of venomous beatings from BLONDE! Magazine's resident style maven (Kreuk's hair rated "EPIC FAIL"; Alba's brunette look labelled "BORING" - and so on)

Movie Reviews with Sarah Carter: Sarah C doesn't hate MEW in Scott Pilgrim!

adverts: In the classifieds, listing for a paparrazi style DVD of a lot of Britney's unsanctioned beach brawls/La Conquista games etc. against dancers, non-celebs, and so on. Lots of shaky-cam hand-held footage, but still fairly rare.

COVER: Tiffany Thiessen's on her knees, arms loose around Britney's thighs, sleepy face in Brit's lap as Spears lays back on ropes in exhaustion. Caption reads simply BRITNEY! INSET - TOP RIGHT CORNER: Jenny Mac rakes a right hand across Neve's front: Campbell sagging into ropes, head turned to the right, hands up/crossed at the wrists as she reels before Jenny's fury

 

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