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28 August 2015 Yvonne Strahovski vs Charlize Theron

Page history last edited by anonononononononon 8 years, 6 months ago

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on August 28, 2015, 6:54 pm

 

Yvonne Strahovski* v Charlize Theron (*Lightweight Title) 

Result: Lookout; Words: simgrrl 

Tale of the Tape: Strahovski (35-18) 33yo, 5'9”, 126#; Theron (238-102) 40yo, 5'9 1/2”, 130# 

 

NOTEABLE: Theron promised Beyonce a title fight at the next PPV when she wins! Strahovski sent Beyonce a condolence card saying, “Sorry. Better luck next time.” 

 

Charlize celebrated her 40th birthday by signing a contract for her 109th title fight. She's been in more championship fights in her long and illustrious career than any other fighter in the FCBA, but tonight's is more than “just another title fight.” At 40 years old, it's unlikely she'll have many more, so winning THIS title fight would be especially sweet...if she can pull it off... because Strahovski has frustrated her twice before! 

 

Winning won't be easy – even for the “Greatest Of All Time” - because Yvonne is at the pinnacle her career, holding the FCBA Lightweight title for the 4th time in 5 years. Her record, 35-18, isn't impressive in numbers, but in 'quality of opposition' it's hard to question. She's beaten every top challenger at one time or another – and she's undefeated against Theron (2-0) who's still considered the GOAT! 

 

Theron took several months off after “Mad Max: Fury Road” to hone her technique. She was already in the best shape she's been in for years, having trained and toned her body for the demanding role of “Furiosa” in the blockbuster. Now, she's got the tall, slender, fit, Aussie square in her sights and knows that “it's now or never” for her dream of winning one more title before she fades into the sunset like all aging gunfighters and celebrity boxers must do eventually. 

 

Yvonne Strahovski excited about this fight...not only because it's her 10th defense of the title she won back in December of 2013, but also because she's facing the 'greatest of all time'... and she wants - desperately, according to sources close to Straho - to put “the final nail in Theron's coffin.” Much like a legendary vampire, it seems every time Yvonne puts Theron down, CT rises to challenge her again. Strahovski, like a champion, does NOT like being challenged... especially by another beautiful blond! Someone once described the travail of being the top blonde: “There can be only one!” 

 

Dueling press conferences on the beach - in string bikini's no less - guarantee flocks of old, gray men, erstwhile boxing reporters, the wizened ones who cover the pugilistic scene for major metropolitan newspapers, cable sports networks, and slick 'girlie' mags. It also attracts the bespectacled, mom's cellar dwellers, dweebs who “report” in blogs about “hot boxing babes” and “fabulous fistic fillies” with the emphasis on cup size and booty than than the “sweet science” that is boxing. Not exactly the way either of the hugely successful actresses would describe herself, or her opponent - but boxing's always been “all about the box office baby!” Which is why both hitch up her bikini top, snap her hip-hugging thong, and bravely face questions like, “What's the best pick-up line that worked on you?” or “Describe your favorite position?” ...and those are just the ones we can put in our family-friendly web site! 

 

Opening salvo, Strahovski: “This is the last time that old bimbo is getting in a ring with me,” she said, repeating her promise of a Skype with her fan club members. “I'm tired of her crawling up out of every grave I put her in; staggering after me like some cheesy creature from one of those low-budget Zombie films. Or, if you prefer a Vampire metaphor, I plan to put a stake in her heart this time and put paid to her fruitless pursuit of another title she neither needs nor deserves. It's as if she hadn't already worn enough belts. A woman of her age should - as the great Welsh poet Dylan Thomas would have advised her, 'go gentle into that good night... and leave winning titles to the youngsters'.” 

 

Return Fire, Theron: In her response to Yvonne's Skype talk, Theron also quoted Thomas. “'Old age should burn and rage at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light',” she read. “If Strahovski thinks she can 'wish' me away, or that by quoting Dylan Thomas she can make me disappear in a poof of smoke, well, she's sadly mistaken. I've had a lot...a whole lot... of championship fights...more than twice as many as Yvonne's had fights...so I'm going anywhere Yvonne... 'gently' or otherwise!” 

 

Zinger, Strahovski: (from her web site) I congratulate Charlize Theron on surpassing another milestone in her long, very long, boxing career. Earlier this year she hit the 'century mark' ... no, I don't mean in age, although she's moved another long, disappointing, year closer to the century mark in that as well. She's now gone over 100 losses! Imagine how many times she bounced on her butt; crawled around looking for her mouthpiece; or gotten those “perky little” boobies iced down between beatings... you all know how much she loves getting THAT kind of attention!! One thing I would never, ever, do to my 'good friend' Charlize - and you can write this down. I will never, under any circumstances, ever tell her ahead of time what part of her aging body I will hit next. It could be that big nose she likes to stick in other peoples business; it could be the big mouth she shoots off so much; it could be either, or both of those “perky little” boobs she says she wished she'd gotten enhanced ten years ago; it could even be the newly developed abs she's suddenly flaunting; it could be all of the above, or something else. I just hope she has as much thinking about what it will be as I had coming up with this (partial) list for her! 

 

Zinger, Theron: (Tweet) At least mine are still “perky.” 

 

Two proud blond warriors who, in other circumstances, might have become friends now seem to have reached a seriously confrontational impasse where neither can, nor is willing to, back off! It's sad for their fans, but it's guaranteed to make a hum-dinger of a fight; we can all be grateful for that at least. 

 

Strahovski in white: bikini, gloves, shoes; hair short to the nape of her swan-like neck. Theron wearing her “lucky” green bikini and green gloves; feet bare; golden hair in a battle braid. 

 

During R1: Charlize fighting a high energy tempo from the opening bell; light on her feet, moving better then in several years. Combinations crisp and sharp; landing with authority. Strahovski trading early, making good on her threats to Charlize's nose and mouth with her piston-like jab; Charlize closing distance, picking up Strahovski's breasts with sweeping right hands in the opening minute showing she's willing to 'go there' if need be. Theron applying pressure and although she counters effectively, Straho spends most of the last half of the round going backward, unable to resist Theron's steadily applied pressure, and Yvonne's score suffers for it. (Theron close - up 1) 

 

R2: Left hook & Uppercut! For the first minute and a half, Theron breezing in an even more dominant performance than in the first; sitting down on her punches; left continually keeping Yvonne unbalanced, unable to string together combinations. It changes when Strahovski bends into a left hook as Theron drops the right, then follows up quickly with a right uppercut from her knees. Charlize's legs buckle and she clinches to stay upright. After that, Strahovski battered her relentlessly! The round ends with Straho in all-out attack; keeping Charlize trapped in Yvonne's corner as her seconds and members of 'Strahovski's Army' crowd the apron; beating their fists on the canvas as they count aloud one body punch after another as Yvonne reduces the proud blond GOAT to a shivering, hollow shell of the haughty, self-centered, cocky, woman who just six minutes before looked sure of her success as she strutted from her corner at the opening bell! (Straho wide 1:1) 

 

R3: Third verse, same as the second! Strahovski picks up right where she left off; charging across the ring to trap Charlize in her own corner where she resumes hammering away at Theron's newly developed abs, propping the GOAT up with one forearm under the chin while she digs, drives, and hammers her beneath the breasts and above the waistband of her bikini with the other. As soon as the referee gets them apart, Straho lunges right back, using her other arm to jack Charlize up onto the turnbuckle so she can work that mid-section with the offside hand while the referee is circling around to check it out. Good strategy/tactics by 'Vonnie; never letting Theron off the hook; never giving the referee the same look. Second minute all the soul-sucking bodywork pays off as Theron crumples to her knees, then topples forward onto all fours, mouthpiece dribbling from her gaping mouth as she gulps desperately needed oxygen into her depleted body. Final forty seconds of the round have Theron frantically clinching, wrapping up, tying up and hanging on - any veteran trick she's learned to drag Strahovski down and slow the rampaging blond to get a moments peace. (Straho wide - up 2:1) 

 

R4: Theron's corner doing hurried work on a small cut above her left eye. It's not a problem yet, but it's worrisome. Strahovski brimming with confidence, sprightly off her stool to engage. Charlize loping away, circling to give herself more time to recover. Good tactical round by Theron who refuses to give Yvonne another opportunity to abuse her body; keeping her at long range with the jab; clinching to bog things down when she has no other option. Theron and Strahovski grapple and wrestle at the ropes, slugging to sides, coming up over the top to cuff ears; neither landing many substantial punches - more a tribute to Theron's defense and clinching than anything, because the champ would just have soon continue to pound away as she did last round. Still, when the bell rings and judges mark their cards, it's Yvonne's name they write in. (Straho close - up 3:1) 

 

R5: Solid defensive fourth gets Theron almost back to normal for the fifth and she shows stubborn aggression, back to forcing the action again. She's well behind after four rounds and can't afford to give away another, so it's aggression, tempered by caution. She just needs to win a round now, the rest will take care of itself. Every time Strahovski initiates offense, Theron instantly returns fire, usually landing two or three for every one or two by Yvonne. Neither hurt. Strahovski always reminding Theron of her threat to spread the hurt around. Theron's left eyebrow gets her attention, pinking it up nicely. Charlize's nose popped by a jab or two; her lower lip showing swelling from several 'near miss' uppercuts targeted for her jaw. The GOAT's “perkies” have Yvonne's attention in late going. Time and again, she whiplashes Theron's “goodies” with a left-right-left combo and when Charlize recoils to give her “rack” respite, Strahovski digs a hard left hook or right to her exposed abs. Theron targets Yvonne's head for the most part, and several times Strahovski's thighs jiggle or her knees wobble as she's shaken by the power of the older blonde. At the bell, they slap gloves, a measure of respect for a solid, professional, round, by both women. Scores are turned in and it's Theron (close - 3:2). 

 

R6: Crucial round. Yvonne doesn't want to lose her second round in a row and let Theron draw even; Charlize wants nothing more than to dig her way out of the hole, and at the same time slow down the younger blond for the later rounds. Both have a plan and both execute their, more or less! Strahovski showing more life, pushing the action; Theron using her legs more this round, taking advantage of her length to step around Yvonne as she comes straight forward. Slipping to either side, Theron can drop punches over Strahovski's shoulder as she pivots; Yvonne dip either shoulder and use that hand to hook to Charlize body as she circles toward it. It's a chess match that neither is apparently winning until late in the round. Theron feints left, and Yvonne begins her lean to throw a right when Charlize quick-steps back to her right, turns her hips and drives an overhand right down and in over Yvonne's left shoulder. STRAHOVSKI'S HURT by the punch and she stumbles a few steps. As she's righting herself, Charlize jumps in with a chopping left between the eyes that short-circuits Strahovski's long, lean, legs and DOWN GOES STRAHOVSKI. Yvonne spills onto her right side at the ropes. Charlize staggers a bit, then raises her arms and lopes away to the far corner to watch the referee end Yvonne Strahovski's almost two year reign as lightweight champion! Yvonne lays still for a moment, then rolls over and pushes up onto her hands and knees; grabs the middle strand and starts to pull herself up. She falters, then falls back to her knees as the count continues. Again she tries to rise, falters, then with effort, brings her knee up off the canvas just at the count of nine. After checking her gloves, the referee waves Charlize back in. Theron runs across the ring to throw two right hands... the first Yvonne barely deflects with her left shoulder, the second hits high on the left side of her head, sending her arching back over the top rope just as the bell rings ending the round. Theron's best round of the night came within seconds of getting her her title back. (Theron wide - 3:3) 

 

R7: Charlize wins a third straight round! Turning back the clock to those glory days of yesteryear, Theron comes roaring out of her corner and tears into Strahovski like homeless man with a turkey at one of those all-you-can-eat Thanksgiving buffets! Breast, rib, thigh, giblets, whatever's on the Strahovski menu, Charlize helps herself to it! Yvonne being beaten from one foot to the other; gloves high, elbows tucked in; forced to sacrifice her ribs and lats to save her head and torso as Charlize bodies up to her and just bludgeons away with both fists, probably wondering what's holding the younger woman up. 

Second minute, Theron runs out of gas and Yvonne goes over onto the offensive. First thing Yvonne wants is to get Charlize's attention, so she goes back to what's always worked against Charlize, the old, tried and true, “Attack The Rack” tactic. As soon as she got some breathing room, Yvonne hammered a left-right and then another left-right to Theron's “perky little boobs.” Charlize stopped punching and backed up with a grimace on her lips. Now that she had maneuvering room, Yvonne settled down to a more traditional “jab and cross” attack. As she began a rolling barrage, Strahovski kept moving forward, marching Charlize back across the ring until her butt hit the strands. There, she bellied up against Charlize and laid on her, pinning her to the ropes as she put her head on Charlize's shoulder and pounded her paunch with four or five straight punches. Yvonne's corner were on their feet, screaming “YOU GOT HER!” But she didn't have her! Yvonne got overanxious to end the fight and a quick, short, uppercut from Theron nearly did end it... for Charlize! As Strahovski's head snapped back, she sat back and nearly sat down, but at the last second got her feet under her and grabbed Theron's shoulders and held on for dear life! After the referee parted them Charlize drove Yvonne backward all the way back across the ring until they ended up where they started a minute before, with Strahovski's butt jammed between the ropes in Theron's corner, with Charlize twisting and turning her hips as she plunged lefts and rights into Yvonne's body from all angles! Bell: the referee jumped in to pull Charlize off, wrapping her in his arms and holding her back as Yvonne wandered in a fog toward her corner where she flopped exhausted, throbbing and aching on her stool. (Theron wide - up 4:3) 

 

R8: Do or Die! Strahovski's corner painting a bleak picture for the Awesome Aussie, telling her, “You're behind; you're hurt; you're in against the Greatest Of All Time; and the clock is running out. Oh, and by the way, YOU'RE A FUKKIN' BLONDE...FIGHT LIKE ONE!” Whatever was really said, Yvonne used it to her advantage, came out firing and took the fight to Theron in the first thirty seconds! Then Charlize landed a big right hand that shook Yvonne to her core; sending her reeling back in disarray, arms windmilling, trying to stay on her feet. Theron pursued and (almost) tackled her into the ropes where they grappled; trading rights to the lats and kidneys until the referee broke 'm up. Off the restart, Theron's head-hunting left “sucker punch” missed high and wide as Strahovski came in low to drill Charlize right on the belly button. Charlize spit out her mouthpiece as Straho brutalized her belly with 1-2 combinations before the referee was able to stop her to replace the wayward mouthpiece. Theron's corner insisted on rinsing it before it was put back, wasting a valuable fifteen or twenty seconds! Not that it hindered the champ, because as soon as the ref dropped his hand, Yvonne flew in and attacked Theron's abs again! Left, right, left, left, hook, cross.... Theron reeled back with Yvonne punishing her as she retreated around the ropes; wide-eyed; defense shredded by relentless Aussie's body bashing attack! Strahovski's adrenalin rush wore off which let Charlize mount another comeback, pounding Strahovski backward into her own corner; chesting up; to gut Yvonne with a left hook at (or just below) the waistband of her low-slung Aussie beach bikini. (A HD video review a week later was still deemed “inconclusive.”) As Yvonne recovered from what her corner later charged was a “low blow” Yvonne immediately head-butted (“an accident” she said) Charlize in the mouth, cutting her lower lip and drawing blood. Both were irate at the supposed “fouls” and ripped into one another with little thought of defense. The crowd on their feet screaming - loving it and wondering since this was just as exciting as a JMDD bout, why was JMD a bad thing and this was 'classic'? At the bell they kept trading toe-to-toe until the referee jumped in, then both collapsed in the others arms. Then as soon as they realized they still had two more rounds to go, they quickly jumped apart like a couple of teenagers caught making out when her parents came home. Judges think Yvonne deserves ten points thanks to her relentless body attacking. (Straho close - 4:4) 

 

R9: Do or Die II! It's anybody's fight now and both know it! Both thought they won the previous round, so neither saw a reason to change. Fans agree wholeheartedly it was one of the best rounds in memory and they clamored for more. For one of the few times in FCBA history, the fighters will give the fans what they asked for! Theron initiating the action, launching a 'go home' right hand lead right off the bell and knocked Strahovski back on her heels. She stayed on her, hooking in under her rightside ribs, then sweeping a right across Yvonne's jiggling jubblies that gets her a satisfying yelp of pain from the champ. Strahovski clinches and digs a couple of lefts in under Charlize's right elbow after she spins them both around to put Theron's Oscar-worthy butt in the ropes. Yvonne putting her weight on the aging superstar as she keeps working the body until the ref forces a break. Straho bounces away, leaving Theron sagging back on the ropes. Charlize pushes off to stalk as Yvonne glides back and to her left, drawing Theron to the middle of the ring where she'll have room to maneuver. Charlize angles right, cutting off Yvonne's retreat. But Straho's not running, instead she feints left, steps right, then hammers a right off Charlize's shoulder and head as she closes in to bash that old blond body with both fists. A left well below her belly button briefly buckles Theron's knees; then a right chopped down across Charlize's bosom draws a bleat of protest that puts a brief smirk on the champs face. Again they clinched and again while Theron grappled high, Yvonne grabbed some more Oscar-winner belly! Slowly, Yvonne gut-punched Charlize backward, finishing by grabbing her shoulders as she crouched forward, and pushed the “Golden Goddesses” round butt back through the ropes and leaned on her neck and shoulders and rode her to her knees as Strahovski's backers screamed their approval...unlike the referee who quickly jumped in, pulled Yvonne away and wagged his index finger in her face. Showing her acting chops, Strahovski looked appropriately 'sorry' for her behavior while Theron leaned back on the ropes, red-faced, huffing and puffing as she tries to get her breath. Less than a minute to go in the round and fans are getting their money's worth as the referee stepped back and the two women close again and Strahovski, reading Theron's body language, goes for the kill! A straight right labeled “deliver to nose” is just inches from connecting when Charlize's looping high left crashes into Yvonne's right cheek! The impact sends Straho's right glancing harmlessly off Charlize's right cheek as Yvonne continues tilting forward to her left. Charlize's right follow-on is buried in Strahovski's belly and the champ folds forward, falling into Charlize. Once again they clinch, with Charlize struggling to free herself from Yvonne's bearhug to let her fall. Before much more happens, the bell rings ending the action-packed round in which Yvonne landed about two punches to one of Charlize's but Theron's are the heavier blows, and to Yvonne's head... while Strahovski stubbornly stuck to her “kill the body” strategy which - while effective - wasn't as flashy or showy. (Theron close - up 5:4) 

 

R10: Theron just needs stay out of trouble and run the clock to preserve her lead and win her 15th lightweight title, while Strahovski is going to have to take chances if she wants to retain her 4th! Theron getting oxygen between rounds, something made available to both women in the heat and humidity of the beach setting. Yvonne dismissing hers with a wave of her hand. (Later, she bragged, “Aussie's don't use oxygen when we're at the beach.”) Charlize out looking suitably refreshed, pumping the jab; holding Strahovski at bay. Straho pushing the action, trying to close the distance; Theron legging out of range to frustrate every attempt. Yvonne feints left, jumps right, lands just one punch before Theron slips away again. Yvonne feints right, steps left; the hook just missing Theron's briefly exposed jaw. Charlize steps up, jab-jab, doubles up on the right to send Strahovski reeling backward. Theron moves with, turns into a crisp left hook and DOWN SHE GOES! Inside right from Yvonne drops Charlize on her butt; head whiplashing off the bottom rope as she lands hard. Referee moving in to count as Strahovski, a startled look of disbelief on her face, slowly turns then runs to a corner as the ref picks up the count. Charlize on all fours, shaking her head, reaches for the middle rope to pull herself up. Her hand fumbles blindly as she shakes her head again, then she snags the strand and struggles to one knee. Blinking, she leans into the ropes, then uses her other hand on the top rope to slowly... agonizingly slowly... pull herself up until both knees are off the canvas. She slumps against the ropes with her gloves at her chest, wide-eyed, as the referee asks her a question. She nods and mumbles something thru her mouthguard. The referee closely studies her face, then turns and waves to Strahovski... the fight will go on. Charlize beat the count, but she's in deep trouble! Yvonne romps over and tears into Charlize's body with both fists as Theron earmuffs behind her gloves with her elbows tucked in; hiding her bosom behind her forearms, shielding her belly with her elbow. Strahovski savagely batters her back onto Straho's corner and plants her foot between Charlize's spread feet. Charlize tries to slide to her left; then she tries to go to her right, but each time Yvonne easily cuts her off and hammers her back in position. Yvonne brings her right up from the floor, pile-driving it in under her elbows, burying her fist in the Goddesses tummy so hard, Charlize slaps herself in the face with her own gloves as her arms are jacked up! Strahovski “in the zone” - twisting her hips to pound both sides of Theron's torso. Nothing coming back from the former champ; she's just standing in and taking her licking hoping to survive to a decision. It all ends in the second minute (1:57 to be exact) when the referee steps in to “save” Charlize from herself and waves it off. Charlize collapses into Yvonne's arms, but she hurriedly shoves her at the referee, like she can't be bothered with her now she's ensured she'll retain her title. After a few seconds, Charlize seems to realize what happened and protests (in vain) that she wasn't really hurt that badly....certainly not enough to stop a championship fight! Strahovski walks away with a TKO10 in an epic blonde battle to retain her lightweight title in a close-fought battle in Hall-of-Fame style! (Sorry Beyonce!) 

 

After: “That's three in a row,” Yvonne boasts, dusting off her hands at the podium after strengthening her all-time greatest credentials by extending her shutout in head-to-head fights with the reigning GOAT. “Will she ever learn not to challenge my superiority?” Yvonne jokes. “Gosh, I hope not!” 

 

She closes her eyes and tilts her head back, counting on her fingers for several seconds. “If I counted right, at her one fight a month pace, give or take; in another... eight years and a month - September 22nd, of 2023 - I can whip Charlize for her two hundredth loss! She'll be 48 and still fighting; same age as her 'good friend' Cat Bell is now. And I'll be.... lemme see....ummm, yep... I'll still be years younger and still in better shape, too!” 

 

“Hey, she's old... hanging on is what they do. Fight someone her age, you kill the body, the head dies. I knew the only way she could win was to get an early knockout or hurt me badly. I figured she'd have to take risks to do it. I went in planning on making her pay for every punch she landed, and I did. She looked pretty much like the 'old' Theron...the one from 2000... in the early rounds. If you look at her early years, she was all about attacking and took a LOT of damage. She won, but ended up bloodied in the process. I wanted to make her remember those days and how it felt. 

 

“She's really done a great job toning up that body, her abs are for real - but they're forty year old abs. You punch 'em hard enough; often enough; no abs can take that forever. And she didn't have forever. I knew by the sixth round, she'd run out of gas and that's when my training and fitness would kick in... as it did. But she caught me in the sixth, otherwise I may have put her away earlier, but there's a reason she won all those fights in her career. She was good then and she's still good now. She's better than 80-85% of the lightweight on her worst day and probably 95% on her best. Her big problem is... I'm better than 99% of them... every day!” 

 

Charlize, as much as it pained her, tried to take the high road. She's never been a particularly “good loser” - she's never been a loser much at all, really. But from her body language and her expression, it had hurt her to stand in the background and listen to Strahovski “diss” her after what most observers in the days ahead would call “an epic battle” or “a fight of the year candidate.” But doing well and losing has ever better than just winning - winning even a bad fight is still better than losing. 

 

“Yvonne's the champ for a reason,” Theron said. “She's a very, very, good fighter. Tonight, she showed just how good she can be when she's up against a fighter who pushes her to be her best. She rose to the challenge like a champion should... like I was afraid she would. She's probably in what she said; on my best night I can probably beat her if she's not at her 100% best. Tonight, you saw a champion at her absolute best and I'm not hanging my head and feeling sorry. I did what I could and it wasn't enough. So she deserved to, and she did, win. 

 

“In a day or two, I'll call Beyonce and apologize for not getting her a title fight. And if she's agreeable, maybe we'll get together next PPV anyway. For her sake, I hope she gets that title fight, either with Yvonne or whoever comes next... because we all know in the FCBA there's always someone right around the corner ready to lift your crown. Yvonne and I both had it happen to us and while my time wearing it may... may, I said... be over, she'll lose her title to someone, and no doubt win it back again. Then maybe I'll show up and give her another try... when she's not at her best. Maybe.”

 

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