| 
  • If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.

  • You already know Dokkio is an AI-powered assistant to organize & manage your digital files & messages. Very soon, Dokkio will support Outlook as well as One Drive. Check it out today!

View
 

25 September 2015 Title Ch Lindsay Lohan vs Danielle Fishel

Page history last edited by Vassago 8 years, 5 months ago

 

OFFICIAL SSB PPV

 

JUGS OF MASS DESTRUCTION CHAMPIONSHIP

 

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on September 25, 2015, 5:08 pm

 

Lindsay Lohan* v Danielle Fishel (*JMD Title) by Lookout & simgrrl
Lohan* (29 yo; 5'5”; 32D; 115#) vs Fishel (34 yo; 5'1”; 34D; 120#)


Before: Fishel is 4-3 in JMD fights, winning her only title in 2007. Lohan is 8-3 with two titles (2009 and now). While there's no controversy about Fishel's “qualification” for JMD, some question her “eligibility” at bantam after highly publicized weight fluctuation (140 to 107 to 120). Whatever her weight, however, Dani's bosom remains and that's what it's all about tonight!

Lohan subtly reminding the media of Fishel's JMD-worthy assets. “I'm going to be in with a big woman, no doubt about it! I don't question her weight, that's between her and the FCBA. They say she's a bantam and that's good enough for me. Anybody wants to ask about her weight; ask her... I'm not going there. I've got a different part of her anatomy in mind and it's not her fat ass!”

Fishel equally gracious, citing LiLo's well documented problems with (in no particular order) drugs, alcohol, girlfriends, boyfriends, reporters, and police. It's a long list and Lohan is doubtlessly used to hearing it repeated - and sick of it the same way Fishel tunes out comments about her weight.

So tonight everything will be above board...or above the waist (hopefully). The referee for tonight's bout is a JMD legend - voluptuous Salma Hayek who calls the fighters to center ring. Hayek in tight black short-shorts and striped referee's shirt tied under the bulging overhang of her obviously JMD worthy... 49 y/o rack.

The challenger in red bottom and silver top with halter straps supporting her own hulking rack, red gloves and black shoes; her brunette hair a tight battle braid. Li-Lo wearing white lace bra and boy-cut panties, blue gloves, black shoes; red hi-lited blond hair in a messy pony tail which she flips in Dani's face as they come together mid-ring - and almost start a rasslin match that requires Hayek to intervene to prevent!
* * * *
During R1: Fishel out quickly, catching Lohan on her side of the ring. They trade at long range before Fishel batters her way inside where she hooks LiLo's hooters with both fists! Champion reeling back in disarray; hands up, palms out defensively as she retreats under fire. Dangerous Dani pursues with single-minded purpose; targeting Lohan's taa-taas as she keeps the redheaded little champ on her heels. First two minutes all Fishel throwing with Lohan's rack being lit up like the Central Park Christmas tree! Late in the round, Lohan finds her rhythm and settles into a give and take with Fishel, neither getting the better of their exchanges; but Fishel's fast start the difference and she easily takes the points for the initial round.

R2: Lohan battles back. Linds off her stool before the bell, greeting Fishel mid-way with a surprise right hand lead to open the battle. The shorter, stockier, Fishel working low and inside; head bobbing and weaving; fists pumping up, pounding the undersides of Lohan's heaving hooters. Lindsay chopping downward into the mass of Dani's cleavage from an upright stance. Both hooter-hungary vixens ignoring defense while taking every opportunity to inflict pain and do damage to rival rack! Down the stretch, Lohan getting the upper hand, hammering away criss-cross to the outsides of Fishel's bosom as she drives the little brunette back onto the ropes. At the bell, Lohan whirls away, gloves raised, lips curled in a smug, self-satisfied, smirking grin as Fishel leans back on the strands trying to catch her breath. Close round tilting Lohan's way due to her late flurry.

R3: Both girls on their feet before the bell, springing out to engage chest-to-chest at center ring. Fishel baring her teeth, using her petite stature to attack Lohan's belly, and after gutting the blond, quickly works her way North, getting right back after Lindsay's “ladies” with mean-spirited vengeance...payback for Lohan's late rack attack in R2. Lohan battered to the ropes, fights back with an (unexpected) boxing move, a left jab/right cross that staggers Fishel. Lindsay, quick to take advantage of the opening, drives Dani backward with a right, left, right, to the brunette rack; eventually forcing Fishel to clinch! They wrestle and squirm upright like kittens in a sack for several seconds, then Fishel scores again to Lohan's belly button, doubling the buxom blonde forward. Big uppercut to the chest jerks Lohan upright, leaving her open for a straight right hand from Fishel... that barely misses her chin when Lohan continues reeling back.
Dani tilting off balance after her “go home” right hand sails off to the left, but Lohan is quick to recover and drops a right of her own on the side of Fishel's face and Dani stumbles forward after impact, struggling to retain her balance. Lohan steps with and chops a short left down over Dani's right shoulder, driving her face (and chest) first to the canvas. Fishel's “air bags” somewhat cushion her landing, but she still faceplants hard on the canvas. Lohan turns her back and struts away, arms raised in triumph, as Hayek picks up the count. Fishel struggles to her knees, blinking and looking around as Hayek continues to count.
Dani makes it to her feet in time to beat the count, and after Salma checks her gloves she waves for Lohan to return to action. As in the previous round, Lohan finishes this one with a showy flourish, whiplashing Fishel's frontage with crisp, slashing, left-right combo's... while ignoring her largely unprotected head. At the bell, there's no doubt about the scoring; Lohan's knockdown cements her advantage (wide).

R4: Dani battles back. Fishel coming off the disappointment of her third round knockdown with one of her own as she rattles Lohan in the opening minute and drops the wannabe-redhead champion on her keister in the second minute. From there, it's only a question of whether LiLo can survive to the bell. Fishel landing hard and heavy to the body to weaken risistance, then pounds Lohan's championship juggs with both fists; landing three and four to Lindsay's one! LiLo rocked and reeling back under Dani's furious assault, forced to fight with her cute little butt stuffed in the ropes for much of the middle portion of the round. Late, Lohan manages to clinch, spinning Fishel around, shoving her back into the ropes, then scampering away to get a badly needed (brief) respite before the little brunette corners her again and tears into that slender, pale, freckled, torso with both fists. By the time the bell sounds, the little brunette has LiLo back to the ropes, chesting up to her on tip-toe, forcing Lohan to take the weight of those heavyweight Dani Fishel hooters on her throbbing taa-taa's! Lohan wiping away tears with the backs of her gloves as she trudges to her corner while Fishel 'happy dances' over to her stool and flops down to accept the plaudets of her grinning handlers. Dani nails down the round by a wide margin!

R5: Back and forth action continues. Lohan's corner gets in her face between rounds; giving her the old, “Yur blowin' it kid” treatment. It appears to have had the intended effect, as for most of the first minute of the round, Lohan swarms Fishel who came out looking like she was expecting to have a second JMD coronation rather than having to battle! Lohan strikes quickly with an opening salvo of left hook, right cross; then doubles up on the left hook! Dani rattled; hammered back into her corner almost before they got the stool out. Lohan showing her progress as a fighter, giving Fishel the old “stack and jack” - propping her up with her left forearm under the brunette's chin and slugging sack with her right.
Hayek slow to react, mostly admiring LiLo's technique, so Lindsay gets six or seven pancaking punches in before she's pulled off. Fishel slumps down and sits on the middle turnbuckle while Salma gives Lohan a finger wagging warning about holding and hitting. Lohan blushing, nodding, and giving Hayek “puppy eyes” and mumbling thru her mouthpiece that she'd never, ever, do something like that on purpose and vowing to be a “good girl” from now on.
A judge at ringside puts a finger down her throat in reaction, then notes something on her scorecard as Fishel steps out to resume. Lohan jumps right back into Fishel, gets stopped in her tracks by Dani's straight left! Fishel brings the overhand right up and over, cracking Lohan in the left ear to send her careening into Hayek, chest first! Four big boops cushion the impact for both, then Lohan hurriedly skips around behind the startled Salma to buy a moment's peace before Fishel can get at her.
Lohan's footwork keeps her out of harms way as her head clears before she re-engages. They trade lefts and rights at long range with little effect, but as the round winds down, Lohan again connects with that left hook and FISHEL'S IN TROUBLE! Dani rocked; forced to clinch, her face in Lohan's cleavage, arms wrapped around her waist. Lindsay clamps her left arm around Dani's shoulders, pulling her head into her bosom, bearhugging her as her right chup-chup-chups in under the brunette's left breast. Lohan dipping her knees and lifting heavyweight hammers up, plundering Fishel's puppies while Hayek looks on. Just at the bell, Lohan shoves Dani back and cracks her rightside mammary with a hard left that wrings a squeak of pain as Dani turns away holding her chest, then stumbles toward her corner and Salma Hayek jumps in when Lohan winds up for another punch. Lilo takes the 5th round on points wide.

R6: Fishel getting her overheated hooters iced between rounds. Across the ring, Lohan getting another talking-to by her seconds - something along the lines of, “Ya got her set up, now finish her!”
Fishel on her feet at the ten second warning buzzer; Lohan with her head outside the ropes getting last second advice barely makes it to her feet at the bell. Both lissome lasses circle; gimlet-eyed; purse-lipped; flush-cheeked; gloves chest high shielding war-weary assets. Fishel desperate to regain the advantage, goes on offense early; throwing combinations that shake Lohan and keep her too busy on defense to unveil her own offensive game plan. Lohan fighting backing up, doing some effective counterpunching but after five rounds of rack ravaging sack hunting, neither is able to get to the other's chest and they're forced to resort to the more mundane “boxing” instead of the crowd pleasing “jugg mugging” most of the fans came to enjoy. A few boos from the more jaded are unable to change it, however, and hooks and jabs far outweigh “pancaking” and “flapjacking” (for the most part). After two minutes of all-out offense by Fishel, Lohan once again feeling the gentle caress of the ropes across her gluteus maximus, suddenly unleashes a furious barrage. The opening salvo is a straight right that whistles past Fishel's extended left to smash onto the right side of her jaw. Dani's head swivels to the right... just as LiLo's left hook is incoming from that side. The left smushes Fishel's nose flat on her face as it drives her head backward! Dani recoiling back to the middle of the ring, hands loose at her waist, eyes unfocused. Lohan springing forward off the ropes, loading up the right hand, then at the last second, shuffle-stepping left and turning into another brutal left hook that connects under the right side of Fishel's chin. Dani arches backward, arms flung in the air, and crashes to the mat flat on her back!
Hayek brusquely shoves Lohan toward the far corner as she takes a knee and begins to count over Dani who hasn't moved since she hit the canvas. At “SIX” Salma realizes she's wasting her time and waves off the rest; pushes herself up to her feet; walks over to the corner where she raises Lohan's arm. Dani can't beat the count as Lindsay Lohan wins by a KO6!

After: JMD ensues! Lohan turns in a slowl circle, walking around Salma Hayek with her arm in the air, making sure all the photographers get her 'good side' but then yanks her arm from Hayek's hand when she sees Fishel is crawling slowly toward her corner. With three quick strides, LiLo arrives and PUNTS Dani in the belly. Fishel spits out her mouthpiece as she's flipped over onto her back where she lays with her knees drawn up; her arms crossed over her abdomen; mouth gaping as she desperately tries to get air into her suddenly empty lungs. A hard STOMP on the belly sits Fishel up briefly... just long enough for Lohan to step across straddling her waist before she drops her butt squarely on Dani's tummy.

As Fishel's feet rise in the air, Lindsay wraps Dani's head in her arms and pulls her face deep into her JMD Championship cleavage. Breathless, Fishel's in no shape to resist for long and she doesn't! After less than a minute of weak arm fluttering and legs bicycle kicking, Dani Fishel goes limp; her arms and legs splayed spread-eagled. Dani's flushed, ruddy, face is exposed when LiLo lets her head loll back... Fishel's sightless eyes gazing unblinking up into the bright overhead lights

At ringside, Jewel Kilcher squirms with delight at the sight of Dani Fishel's face in the overbearing heft of Lohan's JMD Champion Cha-cha's! Earlier this summer, Jewel had to sit thru seeing her own fighter, Anna Kendrick, suffer a similar indignity under the daunting 'Juggs of Fishel' and now she takes some small satisfaction in witnesssing this moment of payback.

Later, facing the media, Lohan is so full of herself there's barely room for her ego! “I am the greatest!” she trumpets. “How the mighty have fallen,” she chuckles when an action photo is flashed on the screen behind her showing the moment Fishel cantilevered backward from in her suffocating embrace; the blank look on Dani's dominated face proof positive of the superiority of Lohan's rack!

“There are many women who can claim JMD worthiness,” Lindsay admits going all faux humble. “But no one... no body... no RACK... no EX-champion can ever equal mine! I am THE Queen of JMD! Oh ye of humble hooters; bow before me and worship my magnificent mammaries!” she boasts, grabbing herself and giving her champions a couple of shakes for the videographers.

With Fishel 'hors de combat' and - either unable or unwilling to appear - Lohan has the stage to herself and continues in the same vain vein for several minutes - until the network finally (to the delight of the media) cut away to show (no surprise here) Lohan's new commercial for Agent Provocateur bras with the tagline, “The choice of champions.”

An excited Jessica Simpson was seen on her cellphone in animated conversation with someone as the commercial ended and the lights went up again. A blogger afterward posted that Simpson was talking to her manager and demanding, we quote the blog, “Get me Lohan's ass in a ring somewhere ASAP”! 

 

 

Comments (0)

You don't have permission to comment on this page.