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31 October 2015 Lana Del Rey vs Pink

Page history last edited by Vassago 8 years, 5 months ago

WITCHES, PUMPKINHEADS AND BLACK CATS III: HALLOWEEN AT THE ASYLUM

Posted by The Grand Wizard on October 31, 2015, 11:07 pm

BEFORE:

"This is exactly what I wanted," says the woman in the Zorro costume. "A shot in the FCBA against a girl who's direct competition. I can't wait. I. Can't. Wait!"

"She's pretty excited about all this, isn't she," says the woman in the Queen of Hearts costume, complete with mask. "I get the feeling she's going to be a lot less excited before too long."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and..."

McCarthy: "That's HORRIBLE..."

O'Dell: "That is NOT horrible, that is 'D.O.A.' by Bloodrock, and that's our sexy Zorro coming to the ring."

Cassie: "Pretty solidly built, but, I'm thinking bantam. Might be a light, but I don't think so."

Tess: "Agreed, Cassie. She's probably right around 120..."

O'Dell: "Into the ring and helped off with the mask and costume and that is the lovely Lana Del Rey making her FCBA debut..."

McCarthy: "Yet ANOTHER bimbo without an FCBA win for one of Weirdo's dancing hookers to feast on!"

O'Dell: "And that song is 'Black Sabbath' from the first album by the kings of heavy metal..."

McCarthy: "Who?"

Tess (sighing): "Black Sabbath, Mac..."

McCarthy: "I thought the name of the SONG was 'Black Sabbath'..."

Cassie: "Let me cut this off before it becomes and Abbott and Costello routine. The name of the song, the group, AND the album the song was one are all 'Black Sabbath'..."

McCarthy: "Wow. Talk about showing no imagination..."

O'Dell (sighing): "And, our Queen of Hearts is down the aisle and into the ring, helped off with the costume by Jewel and Neve, and that's a fitting costume, because, in that black bikini with the white skulls on it is 'The Queen of Front Street', Pink!"

McCarthy: "What SHE'S queen of is DUCKING ME. She's been doing it ever since she joined this cesspool of a stable in 2010!"

O'Dell: "Ladies about ready. Time for some picks. Tess?"

Tess: "Like Cassie said, Del Rey is solidly built, but in your first FCBA fight against Pink? That's not a good place to be. Pink."

O'Dell: "Mac?"

McCarthy: "I HATE Pink. I'm picking Del Rey!"

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess!"

O'Dell: "And, there's the bell. Pinkness right to work, moving forward slipping jabs from the brunette, inside her defenses and working body. Lana tying up, wrestling around with Pink in there, but the Front Streeter punching free, working the flanks and the abs. Del Ray shoving off, landing a nice right hand off that..."

Cassie: "As we pointed out, Lana another girl who's very sturdily built. She's not going to be easy for Pink to move around."

O'Dell: "Pinkness seems to have the advantage in quickness and athleticism, though, and, that's no surprise. Again, not many singers do trapeze in their acts, and, obviously, she has the experience. But, Lana holding her own on the inside, willing to grapple in there, tenderize body. Trapping Pink's head there and forcing a break..."

McCarthy: "And, this is how dumb Pink and those losers in the Front Street corner are. No WAY should she be in there grinding with this girl. She should be out using the legs and boxing."

O'Dell: "Pink can do that. One of the most well-balanced fighters in the FCBA according to no less an authority than our former commissioner, but, she wants to fight in the phone booth at the moment. Coming down the stretch now, and it's good, two-way work, body, head, body, right to the bell. Pink."

Tess: "But, not a bad start for Lana. Hung in there pretty well."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Second begins with the two fighters working close in once again. Pink really digging body and Del Rey doing the same. Lana getting comfortable in there, it looks like, making with the hooks to the breadbasket and the ribs. Pink, um, pinking up Lana's midriff, thumping leather from the belt line to the bust line, going upstairs some, but mostly working down..."

McCarthy: "Del Rey just needs to stick with this. She's holding her own very well right now. Going punch for punch with Pink inside. She's younger. She can wear that phony down in there..."

O'Dell: "Lana definitely getting work done, but so is Pink. Neither lady slowing down as this round rolls on. In fact, the work rates increasing as we go. Both getting into rhythm with those hooks. And both really concentrating on the body now. Doing barely any work upstairs at all as we head into the stretch..."

Tess: "I keep saying this, but I'm impressed with what I've seen from Lana so far. She's the fifth of these tyros, and not one of them has looked like they don't belong in there..."

Cassie: "Uncle Wiz said these girls weren't tomato cans, and they aren't..."

McCarthy: "What would Weirdo know? Besides, the reason some of these girls haven't looked bad is because his Dancing Hookers are overrated!"

O'Dell: "Rolling into the final seconds now, and there's some serious digging of body going on right now, fighters with heads on one another's shoulders, just banging away. Neither taking a backward step. Neither slowing down. Just keeping on keeping on right to the bell. Another close round. Lana."

Tess: "Even at 19 after two."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Third underway. Same terms as the first two. Pink wants to work inside, Lana willing to meet her there and bang body. Del Rey, tying, shoving, mugging in there. Pink shoving off, digging at the midsection and the flanks when she can get just a hair of space. Lana tying up around the head, pulling the head down with one hand, hooking with the other..."

Cassie: "Nothing pretty about any of this, but, it's effective. Both fighters scoring in there."

O'Dell: "No doubt about that. Pink getting that shoulder dipped now, leveraging Lana with it. Opening her up for easier access to the body. And, of course, Pink has an advantage there anyway. She's 5'4" and Del Rey is 5'7", so the younger woman has more body to cover. Pink getting very low in there right now..."

McCarthy: "She's been LOW her entire career..."

O'Dell: "Making a difficult target for Del Rey, who, suddenly is having problems with geometry. Pinkness beginning to get into a nice, rhythm in there, beginning to get some solid uppercuts on target and back Lana up with them. Del Rey game, but, Pink slowly taking control of this round as we head down the stretch. The Front Streeter WHACKING the flanks with a pair of hooks. Lana getting the arms in tight and Pink a good right hook to the head to end it. Solid round for Pinkness in the third."

Tess: "29-28, Pink."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "We're back to work in the fourth, and Pink wasting no time working right back inside and getting busy in Lana's grill. Del Rey trying to tie now, trying to slow the blonde down, but Pink not having it, punching out, punching free, lathering the lats, ripping the ribs, punishing the midsection..."

Cassie: "And, that stuff's having an effect. You can see it. Del Rey pinking up, wincing on some of these punches."

O'Dell: "But, to her credit, still fighting gamely in there. She's banging back, wrestling around, tying up. Pink again working that leverage with the shoulders, continues to knock Lana slightly off balance to open her up. Del Rey tying around the head, but Pink shoving off and going right back to work..."

Tess: "Some serious attrition going on in there, Mac."

McCarthy: "That's clearly the plan, and I still don't understand it. Don't see why Pink doesn't use her quickness to box this girl."

O'Dell: "Pink backing Lana up with a good right uppercut. The Front Streeter has landed some good shots in there, but Del Rey's shipped them and kept on coming. Those sturdy legs have been tested a few times, and they've passed them all. Lana tying Pink up again, but Pinkness ducking under, slipping free, landing another flurry to the body, and there's the bell. Pink easily in the fourth."

Tess: "39-37 now and Pink taking control."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Back to the phone booth as we begin the fifth. Lana now tying up immediately in there, trapping Pink's head, hooking with the free hand. Pink shoving away, but Del Rey tying up again. Referee getting in to break them, but, no sooner does Pink step forward than Lana clinches yet again..."

McCarthy: "Del Rey rangier and she's determined to use that now. Pink giving her trouble in close, so she's not going to let her fight in there."

O'Dell: "That's clearly the plan, and we have ourselves quite the wrestling match going on at the moment, as the fighters shove and grapple. Lana working hard to control that head, pulling it down and then hooking body with the other hand. Referee telling her to get the hand off the neck, and she does, but she ties up again immediately..."

Cassie: "And, if you thought this wasn't pretty before, check it out now."

O'Dell: "Pink shoving off, lands a right hand, but Lana ties her up again, again, whacking body with the free hand. Del Rey using those longer arms very effectively right now, not the way you'd expect, trying to create space, but by trying to eliminate it completely. Thirty seconds to go in the fifth. Lana pulling down the head, lands a two-punch combination. Pink a hook to the midsection and Lana ties up her arms. Ten seconds to go. Fighters shoving, grappling in there right to the bell. Del Rey's round."

Tess: "48-47. One-point fight through at the half."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "No change in tactics on either side as we begin the second half of the fight. Pink right forward into tight quarters, and Lana making no effort to get any space. Standing toe-to-toe with the blonde, banging hooks and digging body. Del Rey getting more and more comfortable as we go, Mac..."

McCarthy: "Definitely is, and it's not surprising. First FCBA fight, it's a lot to process, but, as the rounds go on, that stuff sort of slides away and you're just boxing like you have a lot of times before."

O'Dell: "And, it certainly seems like Del Rey's gotten to that point. Lot of wrestling and grabbing going on in there again. Lana doing a lot of the tying, using that length in an effort to slow Pink's offensive. Del Rey a good right hook and PINK ROCKS HER WITH AN UPPERCUT! Lana staggered with a right uppie and PINK DROPS HER WITH A LEFT HOOK!"

Tess: "Cassie, you might want to start singing now..."

Cassie (singing): "Turn out the lights. The party's ohhh-verrrr..."

O'Dell: "That left landed flush and ragdolled Lana to her back. Count at four. Five. Six. Del Rey not moving a muscle. Seven. Eight. Nine. TEN! It's over! And your winner by KO6 in dramatic fashion is 'The Queen of Front Street', Pink!"

Cassie: "Take a look at this left hook and you'll see why Lana wasn't getting up. Goes right behind Del Rey's right glove and right on the point of the chin. Lana's got sturdy legs, but even those weren't holding her up after that."

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore."

Tess: "I have our winner, Pink, and, Pinkness, kind of a war of attrition in there, until you ended it with the big guns."

Pink: "She can hit and she can take a punch. But, I knew she couldn't stand up to me physically. I knew eventually she'd either wear down or I'd get her. I got her."

Tess: "What's next for you?"

Pink: "Well, Tess, as you know, with Pinkness, you never know."