RETRO BOUT: CA. 1967

Posted by Simguy on Tuesday, 18-MAY-1999 22:12;13

Before: Summer 1967. Several undercurrents lead up to this fateful encounter between to of the Jet Set’s hottest kittens. In the spring of ’67, a Welch-led contingent of Americans decimates the cream of European celebrity at Cannes, doling out a series of one-sided batterings that leave Brigitte Bardot, Jeanne Moreau, Catherine Deneuve and many others in physical and emotional turmoil. Although Andress does not take part in the carnage, the precedent is set that the American celebrities are considered more adept in the boxing competitions. This conceit is rudely shattered when Andress, fighting in the U.S. for the first time, bludgeons Ann Margaret into unconsciousness with a brutal first round knockout. It’s not a lucky punch, but 5 knockdowns and a hellacious rain of blows which humiliates one of the best all around fighting celebrities of the time. The challenge goes out to Raquel, one she can hardly ignore, and the match is set for the Bahamas, outdoor ring, before a select crowd of monied elite. Lime, amots yellow bikini for brunette Raquel, white Dr. No bikini for Ursula. Very small workout gloves for both women, thumbs exposed.

During  R1: Andress comes out straight up, stiff and very European, while Welch come churning in, hair flying, teeth bared and arms flailing, Welch’s early flurries are calculated to overwhelm Ursula’s senses, and the blonde covers up as the brunette twirls her fists in on Andress,. Raquel seems to scrape her fists across Ursula’s face, rotating the punches, stepping as she punches, then occasionally setting down to really crank a hook or uppercut into the blonde. Andress shuts down, unable to respond, and absorbs a frightful, typical first round beating from Raquel, Welch with the shutout, is all smiles as she bounces back to her corner.

R2: More of the run and shoot from Welch as Andress seems mesmerized, the private beach resounds with the sharp smack of Raquel’s fists tattooing the tawny midsection and cracking hard against the chin of the stoic blonde, Andress takes a pounding, but stands in, not retreating, stepping forward with her guard stiffly out front as Raquel continues to wail away. Welch rocks the blonde from one foot to the other, plowing wide rights and lefts into the sides of Ursula’s head as the blonde stumbles forward. Another shutout for Raquel, but some frustration as the solid blonde seems to shake off the pain without effort.

R3: Welch roaring out of her corner again, goes after Ursula’s chest with patting one-twos, then returns to the clubbing pattern of lefts and rights to the jaw. Ursula showing durability, but very little else as she simply can’t get off against Welch’s fury. Raquel indulging in holding and hitting towards the end of the round, tugs Ursula forward by her bikini strap while slugging short rights to the blonde’s mouth to the bell.

R4: Both girls, like all Jet Setters, are converted apartment wrestlers, and the brawl takes on that look as Ursula imposes her will this round. With her left on Raquel’s shoulder, Ursula pounds her right hand into the pit of the brunettes stomach this round, folding Welch up with glorious expressions of discomfort, Raquel is slugged all around the ring as Andress holds and hits, tugging on bra tops and bottoms as she clouts Raquel’s sexy mouth. Welch slugging back, seems disheartened, and not as strong as the blonde in clinches, A red faced Raquel looks staggery at the bell as Ursula releases her top with a look of Nordic disdain at the bell.

R5: Raquel comes forward on trembling legs, and Ursula meets her with a pounding short right to the chest. Welch stopped in her tracks, retreats as Andress loads up and batters the brunette back to the ropes with short, clubbing lefts and rights. More holding and hitting as Andress grasps Raquel’s right shoulder and slugs away at her tummy, paralyzing the brunette. Welch’s legs are shot, and her face shows anxiety as Andress pounds away, Midway though the round, Ursula is working Raquel out of a wide stance, power punching at the brunette’s chest, shoving Raquel back onto the ropes, then returning to those short, pitching shots.  Welch folds to her hands and knees, and Andress kneels to slug her right hand into the sweet spot between the hip and the lower ribcage, drawing a cry of protest from Raquel. Ursula stands, pulling the sobbing brunette to her feet, shoving her back into the corner, and continuing the abuse, A short left hook cranks Raquel’s head around, and she comes back blank and defenceless. Ursula steps into a short right hand to the jaw, indulging in overkill as Raquel is already out. Welch slips to the canvas to lie on her side and Andress pushes her to her back with one foot, savouring the sight of her victim.

After: The first of 3 contests between these two wonderful specimens, left Raquel a devastated loser of a boxing match for the first time her career. Sex Kitten battles were notorious for the poor officiating, non-existent time-keeping and varying rules, but a knockout left no doubt who was the better sex symbol on this occasion.

Reposted by Archer 12/31/09