Rosie Jones vs Elizabeth Olsen (result: Lookout; words & music by simgrrl)

Jones: 26yo, 5'7”, 123#, 30F-24-35 (9-3-0 w/9 KO)
Olsen: 27yo, 5'6”, 118#, 32B-25-35 (15-12-0 w/11 KO)

Site: Event tent erected in a parking lot outside Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales, for this fight card featuring Jones-Olsen as the headline bout with six fights on the under card featuring names most in the sell-out crowd of 8,200 never heard of. But all are eager and willing battlers, which have got the fans revved up and in high expectations of a good go by the two main carders.

Before: With Charlize Theron in control of Ginny's Academy, it's no surprise that Cat Bell was shipped as far away as possible, assigned to England to work the corner for Olsen's fight. Bell's assisted by British babe Emma Rigby, who's found new life as a member of one of the oldest stables in the FCBA... no, that's not a reference to the Academy fighters age, though it could be taken that way!

Jones' career up and down, she's beaten some girls handily, but with ignominious defeats too. She's like the little boxer with the curl, when she's good she's very, very, good but when she's bad she's horrid! Certainly getting off to a good (fast) start is crucial for Jones. In her three defeats she's started slow and never made it up. (Kadena KO5, Parkinson KO7 and Glover KO7 all jumped on Rosie from the opening round and it was one-sided until she succumbed.) In her wins, it was the other way round for young Ms. Jones.

Olsen, has a slightly better than .500 record, but nearly a third of her fights have gone the distance, including four of her fifteen wins, to go with her 11 KO's. All in all, she's shown an ability to persevere and survive long enough to figure out a way to win close fights.

A common opponent's name stands out: Charlotte Church. Jones KO'd Church in 2014. Olsen fought Church three times, winning two by KO (most recently 2015). Her loss to Church was also a KO, 2013. Those results may be instructive, but we won't know how until after the fight.

Attire: Olsen arrived late yesterday and her checked bag was lost in transit. The airline swore it was on the next flight but it didn't arrive! This morning she was frantic to find a suit and her stablemate, Emma Rigby said she was about the same size and would bring one to the arena this evening. When Olsen saw it, she was livid. When she threatened to walk out, Rigby just grinned and said, “I'll take her place!” It took intervention by the BBU commissioner and a transatlantic call to the FCBA to avoid a huge problem.

In the event, Olsen had to enter the ring in Rigby's scandalous, metallic silver micro-bikini wearing black shoes and white gloves. Jones was in her skimpy red bikini, black shoes and red gloves. It's certainly unusual to see any opponent show more skin than Jones, but that's the case tonight. Olsen barely (literally) making the legal minimum requirement for coverage. Any less and we'd have to move the bout to one of the 'skin emporiums' downtown.

Gemma Atkinson and Billie Piper acting as Jones' seconds with Helena Mattson in Mexico with Gal Gadot who's in for the FCBA Lightweight Title tonight. Say what you will, there'll be no 'age' jokes about two sporty Lookout Atlantic lovelies gracing our ring!
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During R1: More/less and even round although Olsen's understandably tentative, since every move she makes risks exposure that will surely be seen round the world within minutes! Jones, a BBU veteran, knows only one way to fight - all out, all in, hair on fire crazy! She's punching with both fists and Olsen must feel she's run into a buzzsaw. Doesn't Jones realize this isn't JMD - she's going after Olsen's tiny little top like a starving woman at a buffet! WHAM! BAM! Take that boobies! Olsen's tiny top swept aside by Rosie's leather and her 'lady's' come out to play – only momentarily, however, much to the dismay of the crowd! Punters ringside collecting their winnings (her bosom was a 2:5 underdog to stay covered more than a minute). Most blokes see this as a win-win and who can blame 'em; the cool air making 'Lizzy's Ladies' positively 'perky'! In Olsen's corner, an angry Cat Bell dispatches the chastened Rigby to find the arena janitor and get some supplies. Bell turns back to the ring and screams at Olsen, “Cover up!” Liz puts her gloves over her exposed breasts and Jones socks her with a right to the head, sending her stumbling back onto the ropes. “Not your tits, your face dammit!” Bell corrects herself with an eye roll and a shake of her head as Rosie Jones cuffs the reeling Olsen about the head and shoulders. Lizzy clinches and they grapple belly-on-belly briefly before the referee gets in between and with a hand on each woman's chest, pushes them apart. “Hhhhhaaaa,dop eh...” Olsen grumbles thru her mouthguard as she slaps his hand away from her bare breast. Red-faced, Liz Olsen fires a sweeping right hand around and smacks Rosie in the left ear, then curls a left up under Rosie's massive right jugg; then Olsen shoves her back and jogs off to her right, struggling with the clumsy gloves tryin to pull her suit back over her breasts.... to no avail! The last half of the round is anti-climactic as both women paw and punch the other at a distance. Olsen trying to run out the clock to deal with her dishabile while Rosie is still taking her measure of Olsen, not taking chances with a woman she's only seen in video. She'd come out gangbusters hoping to end this one as quickly as possible, but now she decides to back off and take her time since Olsen seems more concerned with her 'exposure' than with Rosie. Judges are fickle here as elsewhere and despite Jones' quick start, they score the round for Olsen, 10-9, perhaps distracted by her 'bazoomies'?

R2: Between rounds, Cat Bell used a roll of duct tape Rigby 'borrowed' to make makeshift repairs to Olsen's suit. Two quick strips wrapped around torso above and below her breasts were followed by two more across her bosom. Cat hoped those woould keep things in place for the time being. Cat used several more around her waist, thinking it might hold the bottom where it belonged. There's not much time left for strategy, so Bell just tells her, “I know you're pissed at Rigby; take it out on Jones. We'll deal with Rigby later!” Liz Olsen stands, but it's obvious the makeshift additions to her 'attire' haven't made her any more confortable with her situation. But she takes Bell's advice and heads out to attack Rosie with every gun in her arsenal! Liz opens up with both guns and nearly blows Jones out of the water for the first two minutes. But as her body heats up she perspires, and with all her bending and twisting, the hurried duct tape repairs slowly start to come undone. Her right breast makes its reappearance with a little more than a minute left in the round. Olsen is blushing furiously as she covers her boob with her right hand and tries to fight using just her left jab. With Liz in a shell for the last 45-50 seconds, Jones stops trying to clinch and unwraps her left hook, drilling Olsen twice in face over her attempts to block with only her right elbow. Olsen wins round on points (wide) but the fans are having the time of their life. Most of those rooting for Jones are yelling rude comments at Olsen and the referee asked for sunglasses to be brought to the ring because he's having trouble seeing with all the flashes going off.

R3: Rosie gets a tongue lashing from her handlers between rounds... lots of yelling about “yer left 'and darlin'” from Gemma Atkinson as Piper looks on smirking as Atkinson lights a fire under Jones. Bell, too, has her hands full, she's trying to add more duct tape to Olsen's body wrap. Rigby - perhaps trying to make up for her ill-advised “prank” tries to lend a hand, or maybe she's just stirring the pot - but in any case, Olsen slaps her hands away from her breasts and glares at her with a silent warning! At the bell, both women bounce out of their corners, Jones a bit 'bouncier' than Olsen who's swathed like a Christmas baby in silver duct tape. Olsen behind her jab stalking; flicking the right - whenever she takes it away her chest long enough to punch. Jones, using two fists, has a big advantage and she uses it, even to throwing in a 'bolo' punch at one point that almost takes Olsen by surprise; Liz jerking her head back just in the nick of time! Rosie, true to her JMD roots, targeting Olsen's “jubblies” at every opportunity, moreso because Liz can't ignore the threat to her exposed right breast; which she tries to shield turning her left shoulder to Jones, keeping her right side out of reach. But that limits her right and Jones - again and again - drops her right over Liz' left shoulder, rattling her over and over! Olsen, driven back to the ropes, crouches with her gloves at her chest, her head ducking, bobbing, swiveling, not offering a clear target. Jones takes what she can, bending low to bring hammerfist uppercuts from her knees up into Liz' unprotected puppies! At last, finally fed up with taking abuse, Olsen forgets about protecting herself and unleashes a vicious, two-fisted, attack on Jones who is unprepared for the unexpected assault. Jones rocked by a right, then her knees buckle when Liz Olsen catches her on the chin with a left hook! Jones forced to clinch, gives Olsen the chance to pound away at her lats, kidneys, and ribs for several painful seconds until the referee intervenes. Olsen right back up on top of Rosie, pop-pop-popping her face with the jab as she pushes her across the ring. Bell: At the bell, Olsen is in high dudgeon but to no avail as Jones, firming up early, cuts out some of the fancy stuff late, sticking to basics. Meat and potatoes approach gives her a chance to work her way back into the contest as she takes a narrow round win. Jones landing her big right hand several times, gave Olsen some rough treatment, winning most of the early give-and-take action, only to see Lizzie battle back late to make it close as Rosie wins the round on points (close).

R4: Bell getting a handle on Olsen's suit; does a quick slap-dash patch job and she's ready to go. Jones looking confident off her stool after taking the fight to Olsen and seemed to have things well in hand until the final minute. Olsen's in a tooth 'n' nail contest against a willing brunette slugger. Jones in line with her dismissive remarks about Olsen's failed JMD career, targeting Liz's chest this round. Olsen, struggling with both Jones, and her duct taped attired, rocked over and over, fighting much of the round with her back on the ropes. Liz allows Jones to body up and play whack-a-puppy with both fists! Midway, Olsen tearing up as she's unable to get past her problems with her bosom, and now her suit bottom is giving her problems as well. Liz constantly pulling and tugging at her 'suit' but with all that sticky tape pasted to her skin, she's unable to rearrange anything that's gone astray. Liz' knees buckled by a left hook early, rocked by a straight right midway, and down the stretch she's pinned helplessly in Jones' corner where Rosie pounds her like a side of veal, up one ruddy side and down the other rosy side. At the bell, Liz walks achingly to her corner and collapses on her stool. There, as Bell once again 'mends' her borrowed suit, Olsen gets some sage advice from the experienced veteran Lindsay Lohan who's handling towel and spit bucket duty. Rosie wins round on points (wide)

R5: Olsen a different fighter this round; ignoring her bothersome suit defects to put her energy and concentration on dealing with Rosie Jones. Olsen starts off snapping her jab in Jones' face, her right hand cocked at her cheek in the classic style. Liz pumping the jab, keeping Rosie's attention on it, powers the straight right up the middle to send Jones stomping backward, gloves flying up as she almost goes ass-over-teakettle! Liz pursues, her right breast nearly bouncing free in the cool air of the arena; she's ignoring it as all her attention is on Rosie's chin! Liz harries Rosie to the ropes, and bodies up with her, slinging in lefts and rights as Jones struggles to corral Olsen's fists before they can do too much damage. Clinch! Jones wraps Olsen up in her arms, Jones' awesome assets totally eclipsing Olsen's much more modest, albeit exposed, bosom as both puppies are almost bursting free of any cumbersome restraint! Liz ignoring her embarrassment, solely focused on dealing with the much bigger problem, Jones! Liz looking like the one-time ranked fighter everyone expected to see tonight and those who came as her fans let their voices be heard, chants of “OLSEN! OLSEN” ringing in the arena....soon to be drowned out by “ROSIE! ROSIE! ROSIE!” from her loyal local fans. Angry Liz is head-hunting this round, and it pays off as Jones gets rocked and battered around the ring from the opening minute by a fistic whirlwind from Olsen who's about had enough of Rosie Jones' wreaking havoc on her 'outed' hooters. Olsen wins round (shutout) and looks quite satisfied with herself as she returns to her stool...where she gives Emma Rigby a forearm that knocks her off the ring apron onto the lap of a dowager in the front row!!

R6: Atkinson & Piper desperately trying to calm Rosie who's in total meltdown mode with Atkinson trying to negotiate an end to her diva's temper tantrum.
Jones out of her corner tentatively, pawing and pushing her jab as Olsen crowds her from the get-go, digging into the mid-section with the left hook, pounding lats with the right...making Rosie feel the power of an irate woman with every punch!
Piper screaming at Jones, “LEFT! THROW YER LEFT!” and Rosie tries to comply. She misses with a left hook, resets and tries it again. As she unleashes it with tremendous force, Olsen steps right and whistles a straight right over the top of Rosie's left to crash squarely onto Jones' chin. Rosie's follow thru with the left is pure momentum, as her brain shut down seconds before her left reached full extension.
Jones crashed facefirst to the mat and bounced once, before her relaxed body settled, her big, soft, breasts cushioning the impact as the mushroomed beneath her torso. Liz stopped and looked down at Jones, then turned and walked calmly away as the referee began the count. But Rosie is a tough cookie and as the count proceeds, she lifts her head and struggles to get to her feet. She is on one knee and as she starts to rise, her leg buckles... but she puts her hand down, stops herself, then with some kind of superhuman willpower, she slowly stands upright just in time to beat the count.
The fans are awestruck and can't believe their eyes as she faces the referee, then as he's about to wave it off, she grabs his hands and pulls them to her chest, his open hands pressed to her bosom. She stares at him with pleading eyes and he can't refuse her. He waves to Olsen to resume.
Liz stalks across the ring and jabs Rosie a couple of times in the face. Jones just accepts it and tries to throw a slow, uncoordinated, right hand that Liz easily brushes aside. Then Olsen hammers another right to the middle of Jones's face and Rosie goes sprawling flat on her back! This time there's no getting up as the referee quickly waves his arms to stop the fight. Rosie can't beat the count; Olsen wins a KO6!
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After: Olsen hurries to Jones and kneels beside her as Atkinson and Piper - aided by Cat Bell - work to revive her. It's not until Liz is assured that Rosie will be alright that she stands up and Bell wraps her in a robe to the disappointed groans of male spectators who realize her firm, young, breasts are hidden away - never to be seen again... not if Liz has anything to say about it!

After her hand is raised, Liz goes to Rosie's corner where she hugs her and says something to her that no one could hear, then she headed across the ring where she joined Cat Bell. Once her gloves were cut off, Liz grabbed a fistful of Emma Rigby's hair, and dragged the squaling young blond down the aisle and back into the Academy dressing room. Loud cries and screams were reported by several staff who were nearby in the ensuing minutes before Olsen came storming out to meet with the press.

“I want to thank the fans of Cardiff for their loud, and vocal, support. It's always good I - and my anatomy - have fans here. I'm sure we'll be back again some day soon... although I hope they'll be incognito next time,” she joked.

“Rosie is a good gal, and a good fighter,” Liz said. “She gave me a great fight tonight and I had no problem with her at all. The only difficulty I have is with a member of my own stable who tried to undermine my fight in order to further her own career. That's not what a stablemate should do and I'll be 'discussing' that with her soon...at length.

“Now, if you'll excuse me,” she grimaced as she touched her robe. “I have to go remove the adhesive from the duct tape that's still stuck to my ribs and back!”

Rosie Jones was next and, despite her obvious disappointment, she had good things to say about her opponent. “That Olsen is a right good fighter,” she said. “I obviously felt for her with those terrible problems with her suit, but that's not my concern. I have to go out and fight my fight, and I did - for the most part. I couldn't help it that while she was having all those issues with her suit, it was also quite distracting to me as well, Clearly, not as much as to her, but still....

“I had her on the ropes a couple of times,” Jones said, “but I made some mistakes and let her off the hook. As someone said in the prefight analysis, she's had a lot more fights than I have.. .and I would say, with higher level opposition too. So my takeaway from this is that I'm on the right track. I have a sneaking suspicion that if I were to call the Academy and request a fight with Ms. Rigby, they'd be amenable to it.”