KATY PERRY VS MARY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD
Results: Lookout Writing: Archer
Katy: 31 YO, 5’8 (1.73 m), 25-7-0 since 2010 Front Street Gym
Mary: 31 YO, 5’8 (1.73 m), 35-34-0 since 2007, Foxfire Boxing

Before: “So we meet again, Mary,” Katy (“The Santa Barbara Slugger”) Perry says as she and Mary Elizabeth (“The Carolina Cyclone”) Winstead prepare to duke it out on a private Hawaiian Beach (Fight will be piped into the FCBA Arena). “Not that I hold a grudge—but it was you who took my Lightweight Title away last year—I have too good a record to let that go unanswered. Besides, I think this a beautiful setting for a fight, blue skies, sandy beaches, surf and a rain forest nearby. It will look even better when you are stretched out in the sand at my feet. Like your suit, by the way.”

“I like yours, too, Katy, but it is the suit you are going to lose to me in.” Mary replies with cheerful confidence. “I know there are some people who think you padded your record with ‘cupcake fights’ at the Asylum, but I would never say such a thing about the boxer I beat for the Lightweight title - that would be ungrateful.”

Katy frowns: “You been taking bytch lessons from Taylor Swift?”

Mary smiles sweetly: “I am self-taught.”

Katy rolls her eyes and looks around: “You suppose we can get this fight started? I have a bytch here who needs an attitude adjustment.”

“Yes, please, get this started. I have a ‘Cupcake Killer’ I want to smoosh,” Mary calls out.

“You are SO going to regret calling me that,” Katy says as Mary passes. Katy turns her head quickly so that Mary gets the ponytail across the face!

Mary seems shocked at being ponylashed by the songtress, but she quickly recovers to give Katy a shove. Katy’s turn to be caught by surprise as she trips and lands on her butt. She leaps to her feet ready to fight, but calmer heads on the Asylum and Foxfire staffs intervene. Two women give each other icy daggers before being led away for final fight prep.

Scramble by officials to get the fighters down to the edge of the surf where the ring has been hastily erected. Crowd sits on specially erected bleachers on the landward side of the ring. Mary and Katie were wearing light wraps over their shoulders. These are now removed as they climb into the ring. Mary is in a red with white polka dots retro one piece. Red gloves with white laces. Her bobbed dark hair hangs loose. Katie is in a more contemporary black one piece with black gloves (white laces), white ribbon securing her ponytailed hair. Referee wastes no time in getting through the instructions. Chilly swipe of glove. Mary and Katy then go to their corners. The bell rings.

R1: Mary and Katy both seem comfortable as they move across the sandy ring to get within punching range. Mary firing straight ahead, striking to body and head as Katy is coming at her. Katy getting hit hard to the face, ducks down and swings around firing at Mary’s body from fresh angles. Mary keeping up as they stay close, doing some ducking down and rising up with uppercuts to smack Katy’s breasts. Katy not liking this treatment of her rack, goes after Mary’s breasts with return fire. Nice crowd-pleasing action as the two circle and jockey for position. Mary getting her uppercuts into Katy’s chin even as Katy finds her attempts at counters being blocked. Katy working to get at Mary’s head, but can’t quite land squarely, Mary able to shake off the head shits coming her way and finishes up with some hooks into Katy’s midsection. Close, but Mary winds it on the cards.

R2: Katy and Mary head right for each other, but this time Katy’s quicker and finds Mary’s chin before Mary can finds hers. Mary’s head knocked back and Katy stuffs a solid hook into Mary’s gut. Mary doubling up, stumbling back, gets her head knocked back from side to side blows from Katy. Mary covering up, looks to be in trouble and Katy rushes in firing away, but her punches mostly bouncing off Mary shoulders. Then Mary comes out of her defensive cover-up with some surprise shots into Katy’s chin. Now Katy’s turn to go stumbling back, but she quickly moves to circle Mary, Mary has to pursue and they battle as Katy gets to show she fights quite well backing up on sand. Bobbing and weaving now, most punches being blunted or dodged, but the two keep up a vigorous punch rate to the bell. It’s close again, but this time Katy emerges the winner of the round.

R3: Hammering attack from both fighters as this third stanza gets going. Plenty of muscle behind each thrown punch, but once again, both are showing good defensive skills in making these punches do as little harm as possible. However, Katy is showing a liking for quick movement on the sand and her punches start scoring against the side of Mary’s head. Mary having to try to duck behind her gloves and Katy gets chance to drive hard into Mary’s stomach, ribs and breasts. Mary gritting her mouthpiece as she jabs back defiantly and does score some nice punches into Katy’s forehead. Reddening bruises start forming on Katy’s forehead, but she is countering to Mary’s body. Exchange remains hard and steady all the way to the bell. Again we have a close round, but again it Katy Perry who gets the nod.

R4: Mary shows Katy that she can play that maneuver-and-fire game. She starts the round with some determined footwork on the sand and finds Katy’s jaw with some hard sock early. Punches slow Katy down as she tries to stop seeing stars, but Mary not about to give her rest. When Katy moves to protect her face, Mary shifts her attack to Katy’s torso and gives it a thorough pounding. Katy comes out of her sluggish reaction late in the round with quick driving lefts and rights over Mary’s extended gloves. Mary takes some solid shots to the face and she quickly circles, trying to keep out of range. Katy off balance in pursuit. Mary lunges in and clips Katy’s jaw with a fast right cross. Katy covering up and Mary can’t get at her before time runs out. Mary has to settle for winning the round wide.

R5: Katy shakes off Mary’s punching from the previous round and attacks the Foxfire fighter with determination. Mary seems surprised as Katy’s leather catches her hard in the belly and one wicked shot drills her in the right eye, Mary trying to jab, but Katy willing to take the counters as long as she can land hard. Mary’s belly and chest getting most of this hard leather and you can see her body shuddering from the impacts. Mary backing away, finally getting her jab going enough to discourage any more rushes from Katy, but she’s way behind on points this round and that right eye is red and puffy already. Katy pounds her gloves together looking like she can’t wait to do more damage to Mary.

R6: Cue the comeback from Mary Winstead: she comes zipping off her stool and meets Katy before the Front Street fighter has barely gotten out of her corner. Mary going right for the head and opens a cut on Katy’s already bruised forehead. Katy struggling to counter, shifts her feet and tries to get away from Mary. Mary just hanging with Katy and they ram hard into the ropes of the ocean side of the ring. Mary clearly trying to pin Katy, Katy trying to fight her way free, but gets driven back against the ropes several times. Then Katy slips a desperate shot that catches Mary in that damaged right eye. Mary recoils in pain and Katy pushes off the ropes to escape. Mary not pleased that her quarry escaped and catches up with her at mid ring. Hot action. Katy trying to get at that right eye again, but Mary pounding Katy hard in the chest every time she tries. Katy forced back, but she avoids getting trapped. Mary scores a wide win on the cards, but Foxfire corner very concerned about that right eye and devote much attention to it during break.

R7: Katy not about to be caught napping as she jumps off her stool to start this round, but Mary seems comparatively slow. Not hard to guess why: that right eye is swelling and discolored, Mary obliged to protect it. Katy keeps moving around, striking at Mary’s torso, then she makes a sudden lunge and seems to be aiming at Mary’s right eye with her left. Mary raises her gloves to protect the eye, but Katy’s shot goes into Mary’s solar plexus. Mary shudders as the unexpected blow sends a paralyzing shock wave through her body. MARY FALLS TO ALL FOURS! Mary crouching there panting desperately as Katy scampers to the neutral corner. Referee moves in to count. Mary makes a great effort and beats the count at “…NINE!” but she looks pale and hurting. Referee seems uncertain, but Mary snarls: “I can go on! Don’t you even think about stopping this.” Mary does seem to pull herself together and gets very defensive, but the memory of that gut shot can’t be forgotten so quickly. Katy keeps aiming shots at the plexus and Mary has to move to protect it. Just that quickly Katy steps forward and fires straight rights and lefts into Mary’s face. Mary being driven back to the Oceanside ropes and just as she reaches them Katy unleashes a furious of uppercuts that catch Mary under the chin AND HURL HER BACK INTO THE ROPES! THE ROPES GIVE WAY! (It will later be determined the ring posts were improperly set on this side and popped out after the ropes were struck by the fighters in the course of the bout). MARY stumbles helplessly out of the ring and LANDS AT THE EDGE OF THE SURF! Mary clearly knocked out before she ever hit the water, but the water revives her. She struggles pathetically to rise and Katy Perry has to pull her out. Mary back on dry land collapses at Katy’s feet. Referee has to rush over and confer with the judges. Then he comes back over and starts counting! Much hooting from the crowd, but rules are rules. Katy steps back to neutral corner. Mary just curled up on the beach, soaked and shivering.
‘…NINE! TEN! YER OUT!” the rattled referee says.
THE WINNER: KATY PERRY KO7!

After: No surprise that the post fight is very confused. However Mary Elizabeth Winstead settles the matter by raising Katy’s arm herself and declaring: “She knocked me out fair and square. The collapse of the ring made no difference, except that I have to thank her for pulling me out the surf . You are no ‘Cupcake Killer’ Katy Perry, you are the Real Thing!”

Katy hugs Mary and examines the soon-to-be spectacular shiner around the defeated Mary's right eye: “Wow, did I do that?”

“There wasn‘t anybody else in that ring punching me,” Mary says and gives Katy hug back.

Reportedly Mary and Katy along with their respective entourages find a resort bar to celebrate the night away. A refreshingly pleasant end to what had started as a rather nasty grudge match. Lots of solid back and forth action. Katy able to hurt Mary and use that to pull off the win. The clip of Mary crashing through the collapsing ropes and into the water quickly becomes a social media favorite. It shouldn’t distract from Katy winning a genuine victory over a tough opponent.