Kate:

(45, 5’7, 41:28:3 FCBA, Empire Boxing)

Jessica:
(37, 5’6, 52:62:4 FCBA, The Fighting Academy)

Results: Looktout!, Story: Caspian 

BEFORE:
As mentioned, these girls have brawled before, adding multiple wins over the another to already-impressive resumes. They’re legends in their own right, and thus there was little hesitation in pitting these two lovely ladies against each other as our main event of the evening.

Many still hiding surprise when they see Kate Beckinsale striding out from behind the curtains - the same people who wrote her chances off long ago now look like they’ve seen a ghost or zombie come back from the grave. Others, however, equally shocked by how much the British starlet looks nothing like her age, her toned body and wavy brown hair tied behind in a ponytail giving her the appearance of a woman half her age. The last time Kate was in the ring was in 2016 with a win over rival Angelina Jolie. Asked about her intentions tonight, she smiles and says in a silky voice:

“Well, half of it is for charity, yea? Tonight is about giving women choices. Like the choice to beat down Alba like I did last time...” she grins but deep down means every word. “The last time we fought was in 2013, and I think she got away with that win by pure dumb luck. Tonight, I plan to even the score…” Kate winking at the cameras, then waving to her roaring fans as she finally makes her way to her corner.

Jessica Alba’s playlist immediately overpowers the cheers, a mixture of pumping rock and pop blasting throughout the arena. And here she comes, zero tolerance for Beckinsale’s comments, deep frown and creased brows etched on her face as she strides down the runway with nary a word or action. Alba looks focused for this bout but aware she hasn’t been in the ring for a good year or so as well. Worse still - last EIGHT bouts capping her losing streak, a growing stain and source of embarrassment for anyone who’s laid eyes on this bronzed goddess. Reporters ringside warned beforehand not to mention this stint of bad luck to the American actress since 2015. Hopefully tonight she gets to reverse her fortunes with a showdown with a tried and proven nemesis.

“I was surprised when I learnt that Kate requested for this fight… I thought I’d thoroughly humiliated her the past two times. But if she wants another beatdown, I’d be happy to oblige.” Jessica eyes her foe before continuing. “Kate’s like my lucky charm in a way - every time we face off, good things happen to me…” she smirks. “Can’t say the same for her though.”

Girls disrobe in the ring, officials knowing beforehand that a face-off on the podium might just as well descend proceedings into chaos, so they opt for mutual barricade in the center of the ring. Kate in black and white striped top, black panties, donning black gloves. Jessica lean and mean, still in incredible shape, also in black two-piece bikini, red gloves. 

Here we go, ladies and gents with your main event fight of the evening!

ROUND 1: 
Aba eager to get back in on the action after her long hiatus, and it shows in the opening round, cos here she comes, focused punching at Kate’s head keeping her grounded, then bobbing and weaving around return jabs like she hasn’t been away from the action one bit. Beckinsale on the other hand worrying her supporters early - she’s just turned 45 and it’s beginning to show - slower and less agile movements here as she does her best to keep up. The reality, however, is that she’s getting prodded needlessly on too many occasions by Jessica’s invasive jabbing, but to her credit, Kate’s not the one retreating but keeping the pressure on Alba. Alba scoring away with points, but she doesn’t seem to be hurting the legendary goddess with her weak attacks. Understandably, round goes wide to Jessica, but glancing over at Kate, she still has a big smile on her face, and you’d be hard press to guess who won this round.

ROUND 2:
Now we know the reason after observing Kate for a good while - she’s relying on power-punching and trying to score lucky. Jab-jab-jab at Alba’s head all for show… it’s when she brings out the big guns to bear that worries. Jessica dominating the first minute as usual, but then gets careless and stays inside brawling distance a little too long - a HOOK from the right catches her square on the face with a HNNGG. Kate following up with another - BLAM - again SCORES on the other cheek. Just like that - Jessica’s rocked! Bronzed goddess shaking the pain from her head as she scoots backwards trying to escape. Kate giving chase but hasn’t knocked her foe around enough, only manages to score more jabs on her guard before the distance is reestablished. Rest of the the round, Jessica plays turtle, hiding her face behind those two gloves. Kate exploiting, firing off into that body every time she gets in range, enjoying the grunts from Alba as the time ticks down to the end. Ball back in Kate’s corner as she steals the round at the middle-mark. Can she keep it up though?

ROUND 3:
Jessica staying out of range, decides to use the age advantage well - dancing around Kate good and early, striking punches into the older woman’s face and nose, then pounding on those abs in payback with one-two, one-two shots before Beckinsale can respond. Just like that, Kate’s advantage evaporating before her very eyes. Poor girl - if she decides to turtle, she’ll get picked off; if she decides to charge Alba, she’ll never catch up. The result is a mixture of in between disastrous results, Alba adapting all too well and exploiting Kate’s weaknesses with constant jab-jab-jab, keeping Kate on her guarde, then wading in and spanking gloves off the Brit’s well-toned midsection, making her FINALLY grunt in pain at the continued abuse. Jessica cements her lead from the first round and surges forward in points in the third.

ROUND 4:
Kate still jumping and bouncing on her toes in between rounds, however, eager to put Alba in her place but just not knowing how to. Her beautiful body looking reddened but if there’s any pain, it’s not registering on her face. Jessica couldn’t care less whether it hurts or not, comes barrelling straight at the bell eager to resume her combos. Kate keeps herself out of range, only once or twice ducks under a wild hook from Jess and then proceeds to slam her own mitts into her body. Jessica grunting, but has another hook primed and ready - lets loose! BUT MISSES - Kate ducking under in nick of time, but wait for it - Jessica anticipated, already bringing up another uppercut with her other hand - WHAP into the chin! And Beckinsale goes REELING back punch-drunk! Jessica snarling and JUMPING in to do more damage, traps Kate against the ropes with a rapid fire lefts and rights, jamming fists into the tummy, then travelling upwards the extent of her chest and chin, seeking to pressurise every inch of Kate’s defense. The Brit hanging on to dear life, can’t stop Alba from going back to what works - hole in the guard and she takes it - right hand comes inwards and up underneath - another WHAPP into the chin KNOCKS Kate’s head backwards - F*CK SHE JUST CRUMPLES TO CANVAS!! IS IT OVER SO SOON!?

Jessica jubilant, arms high in the air as she turns and heads back to corner with big smile on her face. Kate blubbering on her bum, arms shooting left and right trying to look for purchase. It looks like her age has finally caught up to her and she’s still struggling to deny facts and reality. Miraculously, however, stubborn girl doesn’t know when to quit, forces her no-longer-pristine body to stand on both legs with the help of the ropes, steady glare at Alba’s corner as the sex symbol already blowing air kisses to her fans in the audience. But priceless look of horror and surprise on Jess’ face when she realises the bell hasn’t rung, spins around to see Kate still standing there smiling with condescension, fixing her with a death stare. This isn’t over folks!!

ROUND 5:
Not that Kate’s performing any better in the next round. Her corner looking incredibly worried by the minute as their girl gets worked over on the ropes and then chased about the ring by a grizzled Alba, who goes at her in a wild, flaying melee, determined to knock her back down to the ground where she belongs. Beckinsale resisting, if you can really call it that, getting socked in the face and leather buried into belly over and over, but still refuses to fall back down, instead uses her feet to create as much distance as possible, then her long jab to try and dissuade Jess from coming any closer. She does score some points in this manner throughout the round with her longer reach, scoring punch or two into Jessica’s chest (much to her outrage), but if we’re being honest, it’s all salad dressing as Jess takes her revenge with that dish best served cold quite seriously. Kate walks away battered and bruised when the bell rings, but some pundits already faulting Jessica for not being able to go the full ten yards here and score that second knockdown to seal her fate. For now, she lets Beckinsale live to fight another round.

ROUND 6:
It’s that mistake and failure that’s a turning point which might cost her in the sixth. Kate resurgent, tentative jabbing picking up as she notices Alba’s increased tiredness and capitalises. Alba still trying to brawl but missing her punches a whole lot more, taken on the gloves by Kate or simply avoided with a bob and weave of the head. Beckinsale returning fire with relative ease, swiveling Alba’s head left and right with counter-hooks that seem to hurt the Dark Angel starlet. Middle of the round and Alba realising that she’s no superwoman herself, retreats to other corner to catch her breath. Beckinsale hesitates for a moment, before charging full on in, sensing weakness. Girls rejuvenated by the sight of each other’s lean bodies in close proximity, and last thirty seconds see them both completely ignore defense and simply go to town to see who’s the better woman: WHAP whap HUP to mutual bodies as they pump their elbows in and out, then dull blows up top to the guard hustle and bustle them about on the spot. Girls no choice but to do mutual clinch just before the bell sounds, lips on each other’s shoulders as they suck in precious air to stay upright whilst continuing to jockey for position with the occasional PUHH of glove into belly. Referee has to separate them when the bell rings, and they show their age when both girls almost collapse on their way back to corners. 

ROUND 7:
Here we go with the seventh. Personally we’re already amazed at how far these two girls have pushed themselves to this stage. They’re both holding on to some semblance of focus and measure like how they started this fight, but it’s very hard to mask fatigue especially when people are staring from all four angles. Round starts slow as a result, with them circling and circling and circling each other, only throwing occasional jab-jab-jab in the other’s direction. Alba reminds herself that she’s the younger, fitter of the two, follows up with a hook combo that almost stuns Kate in the face if it wasn’t for her raised arm to absorb the blow. Still, Alba persistent, comes in close and starts hammering at the body, thinking this washed up Brit has nothing on her in the fitness department. She’s wrong about that... After a double hook spanked off the body, Alba takes the grunting from Kate’s lips as a sign she’s finished and done, swings an uppercut aimed at the chin, but MISSES when Beckinsale swerves her head left, instead PLOWS a beauty of a left hand right into Alba’s kisser! Eyes widen with shock as the power blow literally throws her off her feet, like a clothesline slamming into her neck and upper torso. Jessica flips backwards and lands on her back with a THUD, staring up at the ceiling lights in complete shock and awe, the crowd’s roar just background noise apart from that curious ringing sensation in both her eardrums. KNOCKDOWN for Beckinsale!

Kate roaring along with her fans as she makes for her own corner, leaving Alba to her own fate. It’s a comeback knockdown attempt that adequately demonstrates what she’s capable of doing. Remember when we said all it would take would be one lucky punch from the Brit? She’s hoping this here’s the one to hang her stars on. Alba getting counted out and slowly trying to recover, first rolling over onto her side, shaking stars from her head, then orientating herself to the ropes which appear like a mile away. 5...6… she’s crawling on all fours towards, not realising she’s like a deserted island in the middle of open ocean. She doesn’t seem like she’s going to make it folks! 7...8… Alba barely up on one knee as the audience holds their breath… 9…1-- SHE PUSHES OFF ON SHAKY FEET and bended knee! SHE’S UP BEFORE THE TEN-COUNT!

Kate audibly groaning at the referee’s decision as he waves for the fight to continue. There’s one minute left on the clock and neither girl look like they really want to continue this today… Still, Jessica is the one whose back is still leaning firmly on ropes, arms barely up and out as she continues to suck in air to stall time. Kate calmly, confidently advancing on her, but wary of a trap. Testing of waters with a jab or two at Alba’s face, snapping into the nose clean with barely a groan in response. Alba tries to push off from the ropes to fire back, knows she’s in precarious waters, but then gets STUNNED by a bold hook from Kate, who barrels a right hand as follow through. UGHHH. Jessica rotated on the spot, about faces and clinging onto the top rope to prevent another freefall. Cue Beckinsale, who rushes in without regard for safety, spanking at the kidneys before roughly tugging on the American’s shoulders to spin her back round, then right hand pulled back to BLAST the chin into orbit. Jessica flung back and upwards into the ropes but she’s left hanging onto the top rope for dear life, refusing to go down with both arms draped over still. Kate goes into fifth gear now and gives the girl every reason to go down quietly: hook left, hook right just brandishing the stunned face, then battering rams into Alba’s bronzed tummy as her body’s rocked repeatedly. Come on ref! Alba’s done for, utterly defenseless and he should see it! FINALLY he jumps in and saves her from more abuse, waving it off officially! IT’S OVER!

Official Decision: Kate Beckinsale defeats Jessica Alba via TKO7!

AFTER:
Jessica balling over onto the canvas, lying still on one side, her chest still rising and falling as medics rush into the ring to check on her. Kate no better, hunched over arms swinging side to side, exhausted. But at the end of the day, she’s the one still standing. Bitter rivalry adding another chapter tonight, with both girls tied for gold and god knows tired of wanting to go another ten rounds in the future. Who knows whether this fight might be their last? For now, Kate smiling weakly as reporters approach her corner and on the way back to the locker room, escorted by her team.

“I have tremendous respect for Jessica, but this just proves that age is no factor. I still am capable of beating down any girl. I hope my performance was an inspiration to all the other girls backstage in the locker room,” Kate manages a smile, before being led away by her personnel away from the cameras.

Wise words indeed, backed up by winning words of course. Well, that concludes our event for the evening. Wrapping up #MeToo, B*tch! from the Chinese Theatre in downtown Los Angeles, we hope you’ve enjoyed the proceedings and emptied your wallets sufficiently to support this charitable cause. Once again, thank you to Empire Boxing and The Fighting Academy for letting their girls get it on here. We hope to see more of them next time!